need advice from any married person?

Question

Whats your opinion of a husband who is always making promises that he will do things with and for you and certain things will change but doesnt make good on those changes and promises..And by changes and promises I DONT MEAN ANYTHING MAJOR THAT COULD CAUSE DIVORCE just little changes and small promises.How would u handle this and whats ur thoughts on a husband who is ALL TALK AND NO ACTION

Well i dont "nag" him about the things..The changes and promises he says were his ideas not mine.

Well i didnt ask him to make these little changes and small promises it was all him.

and i would just wish he would stop making these comments if he doesnt really mean them cause he gets me hopeful then it doesnt happened

Answer 1

Promise to do things for him (e.g. cook his favourite meal; wear some sexy lingerie) then fail to follow through. When he asks why tell him he needs to know what it feels like.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're talking about me.
I'm not sure another person's opinion is going to help you get over your anger, but here's some things to think about.
Do you think he do this to torment you (assuming we're talking about your husband)?
Does he do it perhaps because he was brought up in an environment in which that's the way everybody acts? There are cultures in which not making changes and promises is expected, but saying you will is, because not saying so can be confrontational.
Does he do it because he just can't manage the things he promises, even though he wants to be able to? If so, is he under too much stress to cope with the position he's gotten himself in, or is he just unrealistic about what he can manage? Is he overwhelmed by other demands on his mind? Is he afraid of the changes?
Think about the answers to those questions, and then decide how you think you should deal with him, based on the answers.
I hope everything works out well.

Answer 3

My husband makes promises all the time that he NEVER keeps. I still love him even though it drives me crazy. I just stopped nagging him about the promises he makes. One time he put a whole in the wall and kept promising to fix it, never did. I finally went a bought a frame for it and put it around and it when he asked why I did it I told him it wa sart and that I would let everyone know when they asked that it was from him. It got fixed the same day.
so don't give up they always make promises they dont keep.

Answer 4

This could be due to several reasons. One could be he's over worked as it is and is just trying to keep up. If so, try to be more patient with him. Secondly, he could just be somewhat forgetfull (I am) and again.. paitences is a virtue here. The third option is that he's just plain lazy and good for nothing.

In all cases.... get a cheap whiteboard and start a 'To Do' list of things. As the get done.. erase them. Don't put 'initials' or anything by the 'to do items' as this would indicate a 'bossy' attitude. Simply leave this list in plain site and have a little patience. Create this list together and explain that all stuff goes on the board, even your stuff. Make it about working together... not directed at him.

If things don't get better... well it appears you have case number 3 mentioned above.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You gotta know how to manage your man. Most women haven't learned to manage their men and end up frustrated. Gentle manipulation is a skill to be learned.
It's all in how you ask, how you treat him, and how you want him to respond. Nagging won't work at all. Reminding him all the time will get you nowhere. Getting angry and pointing out his failures will backfire.
You need "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands". You change him by changing your approach. Believe me, he'll not only do what you want, when you want, but he'll be bringing you flowers and proclaiming his undying love.

Answer 6

I've been married 5 years and let me just tell ya, I know what you're talking about. From talking to my girlfriends, it's not something unusual. The way I handle it is to think of all of the good qualities he has and know that I have a devoted husband and father to our son and a good provider. Then, I smile.

Answer 7

I personally find it is easier to write my feelings in a letter or e-mail. Just be honest and tell him how he makes you feel when he lets you down by not keeping his word/and or promises. Marriage is hard sometimes, but when it is good, it's great! Best of luck!

Answer 8

It would upset me. In any person, not just my husband. The sign of a strong, honorable person is someone who stands by their word. Basically he's a liar. Everytime he says something and then doesn't doing he lied to you. That's not ok. It shows no respect for your or your relationship.

Answer 9

He is only telling you that to get you off his back, he doesn't really mean it..and doesn't really want to make those changes....i know I have been just like him...now i am seperated from my wife and yet our relationship has only gotten better after our seperation..we are thinking of moving back in together....over time sometimes we just tend to say what the other wants to hear and not really mean it at all..we get complacent!

Answer 10

Try reading a book called " The Five Languages of Love" and/or the book " the Five languages of Apologies" I don't remember the authors. But they should be at libraries. Good books! saved my marriage. both of you should read them. Try taking turns reading to each other. Good luck!

Answer 11

Figure out why he isn't doing them, then see what you can do to help that happen...might take work on your side as well, but it is definately something that he should step up to the plate on...

However...if they are things that are truly not that big of a deal, just let it go...