I live in a lonely apartment with my boyfriend.
I'm sort of introverted, but I would like to have some close friends who I share common ground with, but I cannot find that. I've had to tone myself down when I hang out with new people because they all have the same things in common. Also, I'm having trouble keeping a Laverne to my Shirley, so to speak. I like helping people as much as I can, but I end up being taken advantage of or stood up.
Should I tone myself down some more and just deal with it? Would it be better for me to keep looking for other friends? OR should I just resign and be alone for the rest of my life?
2007-02-12 06:14:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Flames will be accepted but ignored, I'm looking for real answers.
2007-02-12 06:16:14 · update #1
My advice would to find an organization to join that is involved in something you are passionate about. That way, the people you meet there will have something common with you automatically.
You know what? If you don't click with certain people, then you just don't! You cannot be everyone's friend. Just live your life, friend, and you'll be fine.
2007-02-12 06:23:13 · answer #1 · answered by trer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO! Whatever you do, do not change who you are to win a popularity contest. You're not the only one that has a hard time finding new friends. People are generally reserved about new people coming into their life and it takes time to create those lasting bonds. I completely understand about being taken advantage of but if you are that person that likes to be nice and helpful, so be it. I would dump those users anyway. I bet they do it to everyone and not just you...
I would suggest joining some type of club. It will be a lot easier finding new friends when you're part of something. Pick a hobby of yours and I bet there's a group out there you can connect with. Also, maybe a class....school is another great way to meet good people. Places like myspace and friendster are popularity contests and very rarely will you make new "real" friends from these avenues.
Don’t stop being nice or who you are. There are many people out there who will accept you for who you are. I personally only hang out with nice people and if someone is a user, agressive, or rude, I take them out of my life without a second thought.
2007-02-12 14:38:11 · answer #2 · answered by *snicker* 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to tone yourself down, just breath a bit. You're not violent with people, are you? I have a close friend who has a pesonality like yours, and she's really a good person, but she can just be really violent and mean every now and then and gets really mad when my friends and I ask her to try and be a little nicer. She doesn't need to really turn herself down, she just needs to breath a little and realize that there are other people around her and that she needs to let them vent and talk a bit without interupting and not expect a reward out of it.
Really what I'm trying to say is: don't tone- be yourself! Just breath and make sure your not totally cutting people off.
2007-02-12 14:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by somrp2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not offensive to others or mean or hateful, then just know that you have a vibrant and engaging personality which will turn some people off.
What do you have in common with others?
Perhaps you should seek those folks out whom you have things in common and they wouldn't be as uncomfortable.
2007-02-12 15:06:59 · answer #4 · answered by thankyou "iana" 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never tone oneself down, never change yourself, never give in. I have had similar problems because I have a personality that can be intense as well but if someone is going to be around you they should want to be around you because of who you are not who you pretend to be. If you tone yourself down then you are not being your true self. You will find people to be around you, just stick in their, it is tough but anything worth doing in life is never easy. ALWAYS BE YOURSEF and at least you will always know you are true and real. You will find people who appreciate your personality and you for who you are and those people are true friends.
2007-02-12 14:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up without a good fight! I've got a similar type of personality from what you describe and it IS lonely a lot. But, you can learn to accept OTHER people for what they can and can't give you, look to yourself for a strong center, and just touch the edges of others to keep from "burning" them out. I ended up joining clubs that include people with the same interests as me. I volunteer to help as much as I can, but I keep myself "shielded" until people become used to me and can deal with me more easily. And I've learned not to take rejection personally. Hope it works out for you -- good luck!!
2007-02-12 14:21:39 · answer #6 · answered by Yahzmin ♥♥ 4ever 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
aww hunnie... dont ever change yourself to make other people like you.. it will only backfire.... i am a lot like you.... I expect people to live up to a very high standard, and things like calling and saying ' lets do .....' and then backing out at the last minute, ticks me off SO bad...
keep looking for other friends.... there is SOMEONE out there that is the perfect friend for you.... {i have to tell u this, as its what i keep telling my self also ;) }
good luck!
2007-02-12 14:25:53 · answer #7 · answered by asailorsstar 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
An intense personality. What could that mean? Anyways, if you find that you don't like your current state of affairs, you should change it and see how much you like or dislike it. People should never allow themselves to be stuck to their old ways as life is all about change.
2007-02-12 14:24:00 · answer #8 · answered by ⊂( ﾟ ヮﾟ)⊃ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋