He works away from home alot and when he is home he is not into sex that much. Last week i went out and had a bit to much to drink and slept with someone else. I feel horrible about it and i want to know if i should tell him?
2007-02-12 06:05:01 · 34 answers · asked by tummy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I won't spend time writing out the long answers other people will. There are reasons to and not to do so.
I find this most disturbing however:
"He works away from home alot and when he is home he is not into sex that much. "
You are making excuses for yourself. You are justifying this to some extent in your mind. Not cool. I don't think you feel horrible enough about it.
2007-02-12 06:11:30 · answer #1 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Yes, you should tell him if it was because you were drunk and you didn't mean to hurt him. You're human, and humans make mistakes. Especially if you feel horrible about it, it'll keep eating at you until you finally tell someone, and it'll eventually get back to him anyway because the secret is now out there. It'll clearly make you feel better not to have to keep it inside, and you won't have to constantly worry about covering your tracks or wondering if he suspects.
However, be prepared for a reaction that you don't want to see, and it will be normal if he is very upset. He will probably demand that at the very least you cut down on drinking when you do go out. Your role is to let him know that it was a mistake and that it won't happen again. Own up and take responsibility for your actions; a simple "sorry" won't cut it.
Let him start to trust you again, and you'll have to earn it back. For the next while, if you say you'll call at 9, then call at 9; not 8:55 or 9:05. You get the idea.
This is different than an affair or deliberate cheating; that would indicate that something is amiss between you two, and the relationship won't likely last much longer whether you tell him or not.
It can be done, but it won't be easy.
2007-02-12 06:20:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You either tell him or he's going to find out when he gets an STD or AIDS. Feeling horrible is just an excuse. You should have thought about it before you jumped in the sack. Sounds like you were were planning it and now feel guilty about acting on it. Wasn't as good as you planned? Another divorce on the way. Congratulations! Hope it was worth it.
2007-02-12 06:20:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say...
Of course this is not going to be the popular answer. In fact, this will probably irritate most.
What would be the gains? Is there any possibility that he would find out? Have you shown positive for anything on a blood test?
I wouldn't tell him. You now know your weakness, now it's up to you to stay away from it at ALL costs until you redefine your relationship. If you can't stay true to it, why be there?
Use this opportunity as a learning experience.
Bottom line...You are not getting what you NEED from the relationship and you are not happy. Why stay in it?
2007-02-12 06:14:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand how you feel. My husband works away a lot and when comes home he's always saying how tired he is and I don't wanna seem selfish and demand sex from him. I haven't cheated on him but it has crossed my mind plenty of times. Sometimes I think men don't understand that the way to keep us happy is to keep us satisfied.....
2007-02-12 06:39:10 · answer #5 · answered by arielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not! If you love him and want to save your marriage, then work through it on your own. Telling him would be the kiss of death! No matter how understanding you would like to believe he could be, trust me, it will backfore on you. Even if he could handle it on his own, you know he is going to tell someone about it in order to get their opinions, then you have that to deal with, and their friend, and their friends, and so on, and so on........ Just tuen the page. Time heals all wounds. Your feelings of guilt will fade and once you have worked this out on your own, or with the help and advice of a close, trusted friend. Then if you get the desire again, you know that you need to look inside and listen to your own heart and soul. It may be trying to tell you something. Honor yourself and listen to your body and your spirit. Trust that they know what is truly best for you, above all. Good luck!
2007-02-12 06:22:14 · answer #6 · answered by Con 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hope you used protection! The guy you spread your legs open wide for probably has Herpes Simplex 1 or 2. But you won't find that out for a little while, probably until you see your Gynocologist!Then they will give you the great news! Then you can tell your husband after that!! Perfect!
2007-02-12 06:19:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Come on why don't you own up to the truth about what you did. You didn't sleep with somone else because of having to much to drink. It's something you've been wanting to do for quit some time.You are just using drinking to much as a EXCUSE. You made your bed now sleep in it.
2007-02-12 06:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by Monty L 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest with your husband and with yourself. Don't blame what you had to drink on your actions. You did what you did because you wanted to. There is no other reason than that. First you need to go to your doctor and get checked out to make sure the fling didn't leave anything behind. After that, have a serious one on one with the hubby. You already crossed the line, now you have to either work on the marriage or divorce. There is no in between anymore. Thank you and good luck.
2007-02-12 06:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you know it was only a ONE time thing, and that guy has NOTHING to do with you or your husband (hopefully your husband doesn't know him) Then take it to the grave. But if there is any chance that someone could tell your husband, then you better tell him. Just because your husband works away from home doesn't give you the right to disrespect your marriage, I'm sorry.
2007-02-12 06:10:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋