My husband won't "step up"?

Question

My husband hates his job and isn't qualified to do anything else. He acts like I have him locked into his job, but it's his lack of education that's stopping him from finding a job that makes as much somewhere else. He seems to have stopped growing up. Now that we have a small child, I have to be the "mommy" to both by making sure he stays at this job. We're barely making end meet now. I am also working full time. Our child care expenses are $700/month! How do I make him "be a man" and stop complaining about having to work at a place he doesn't like? I resent being the one who has to inform him that you give up your right to quit with no prospects when you have babies. What do I do?

Also: I don't nag him. I just say it's up to hime to find a solution. I have offered in the past to help him find another job but he just seems to like to complain
Also: he's a real momma's boy. She finds nothing wrong with his behavior and says boys will be boys- She's half of the problem!! I don't mention that either.
I really love hime and don't want a divorce but I can't keep holding everything together without a real partner!

Answer 1

OK if your serious about this question then listen to a "MAN" who is going through the same thing.
let me ask you this, when your venting does he listen to you in a non-judgemental way? or does he (tell you to BE THE WOMAN?)

1) STOP BITCHING at him.
yes you read it right. =) nothing undermines (the male) confidence then a spouce who does not believe in us. NOTHING!!!

2) start spending a bit of quality time with him get to know him better. ask him questions, but let him make the decisions. if you take a little time to remind him how much you appreciate "HIM" and how important he is as the "leader" of the family he will wake up "eventually' and get serious about providing, and protecting his family.

have a date and while at dinner lead him into finding what his "HOT" button is. help him find what he would "REALLY" like to do. "So honey I know your having doubts about your job, what ideas did you have?"
It's a nice "OPEN" ended question to get him talking. once you have open the ICE you might just learn some things you had no clue he was worried about. if he is considering going back to school "interesting, what programs interest you? " have you figured out the cost. how can I help?
If you want him to be the "MAN" you have to understand that you have to treat him, and respect him as the "MAN" if your nagging he will feel like your in your "MOMMY" mode and your treating him like one of your children, major disrespect issue for men.

Read (the 5 love languages, by chapman, and His needs, Her needs, By Harley Jr.

just a though.

Answer 2

I so know where you are coming from.. I had to double check to see if I did not post this question... My husband has been doing the same thing... And when he is home mine is always on the computer or PlayStation... It is so hard and you have it more then me we do not have kids yet... I'm the one that is making the money, doing the bills, taking care of the house, and everything and all he can do is complain that we don't have money to do what he wants to do... All I can say is I came to the conclusion that there is nothing more that I can do he is the one that has to do something about it... I told him that he had till May to get a new job or stop complaining about the one he has or I'm gone... That is just me but I can't take it anymore and I'm not living my life this way anymore... I finally got to that point and maybe you need to get there too. If he is willing to change then he will. Good Luck~

Answer 3

Well for one you can quit telling him it is his lack of education and his not growing up.
How about this" I understand work sucks. Unfortunately you have to do it. If you want to train for a different job we'll work it out somehow."

Or is it that you have more fun berating the guy. Keep up your attitude that you are the adult and he is not and you will find yourself alone with a kid and no husband or support.
Trust me when I tell you that he resents hearing your criticism
regarding his maturity.
One universal truth at work here. NOTHING will force him out of the house quicker than you being his mommy.
Why don't you find a way to help him with his frustration and quit being the nagging shrew.

Answer 4

You can have him take some night classes, or on his off time apply for other jobs. You can take on the financial responsibility, and have him stay home with your child while you work (extra 700 a month). Don't resent him, a lot of people go through this, it doesn't make him any less of a man, you getting on him about it only makes it worse, so just sit down with him and think of ways to better the situation.

Answer 5

You go to school, get a better job and make enough for the whole family. He should step up and be a man.... however he is a mommy's boy and it isn't going to happen. You step up and grow some balls and be the provider. This isn't some 3rd world country, you can make the $$ and make him be the house boy.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are already the bread winner in the family, write a budget it may be better if he stays home with the child instead of working to save on the cost of daycare, while he is at home he can take some online college course to work towards getting a degree.

Answer 7

I say, be compassionate and supportive about him not liking his job, and tell him that you will do whatever it takes to help him find another job that he thinks would work better for him. But tell him that your only stipluation is that he have something lined up, and he can't just quit. (I'm sure you've said this before) but it's possbile that all he's hearing is "she's telling me what to do."

Good Luck....ain't nothing much worse in my opinion than a man who can't do what needs to be done to take care of his family.

Answer 8

You should encourage him to go back to school to obtain a higher level of education.In a field he is interested in doing.He can still work full time/go to school part time.He can apply for grants or financial aide if money is a problem.This way you are encouraging him to get out of a dead end job.He hates doing.The two of you will be working toward a brighter future.If he refuses to go back to school to get a higher level of education..Then he really has no one to blame for working at a dead end job.He hates doing except himself..So I believe I would encourage him to go back to school..help him find a way out of the dead end job he hates going to..otherwise you will end up resenting each other.

Answer 9

Tough one.

You can help him with a job search, but unless he finds something he likes, he's going to complain no matter where he goes. He should get an education (or some sort of training) to better increase his chances of landing a good job.

If he's unwilling to better himself through education, then perhaps he just needs to stop complaining. Explain the stress his complaining puts on you, and give him an ultimatum. Tell him that if he isn't willing to do something to make his job prospects better, then he needs to stop complaining.

Answer 10

yikes! This is a hard one- you need to talk to him about your concerns with his finances. Offer to help him with his job search, and reiterate that he needs to be hired somewhere else before he can quit his current position. Another option would be for him to get a 2 year degree so he would have more opportunities for employment.
If he understands that this is for your family and future, there shouldn't be a problem.