Is this considered "letting the baby cry it out"?

Question

I've been trying to get my baby to get himself to sleep i/o rocking, breastfeeding, etc... When he's tired, i put him in his crib but i stay next to him and pat him and "shhh" so he knows i'm there. he cries the whole time and i know he wants me to pick him up. i don't pick him up but i stay there w/ him. eventually, the crying gets less and less and he drifts off to sleep, the same way it would if we let him cry it out. i'm wondering if this method is any better for him than if i were to really let him cry it out by leaving the room. does it have the same effects like potentially causing him to trust us less and be more clingy? and if it's better, does this method work and will it eventually cause him to get himself to sleep w/out crying when i put him down, which is my ultimate goal? and if there are better methods, please let me know!

THanks Heather T - it's definately normal crying only when i first put him down for a nap. i just feel like i'm torturing him :(

Answer 1

You are creating a bad pattern that will not go away until after he is in school so I would not do that anymore. You don't want to spend every night patting him on the back till he's 5!

If he's fed, dry diaper, no rash, no illness, etc and you know everything is as it should be, then dress him warm enough for the room, not to warm, not to cold, and lie him down and leave the room. Leave a night light on so he can look around if he needs to but he needs to learn to self soothe and go to sleep on his own. Crying won't hurt him. Peek in so he doesn't see you every so often but DO NOT go back in so he sees you.

He won't be clingy or trust you less. A parent has to teach their child indepence gradually as they grow up, lengthening the "leash" a little bit every year until you finally let them fly away on their own. This is just the beginning and each step is harder but bedtime rituals are an important part of learning and he just needs to learn to fall asleep on his own because if he doesn't then you will have bedtime issues for a very long time.

Answer 2

When my 3 year old was a baby, I let him cry it out and never stayed in the room with him. He is neither clingy or distrustful of us. I felt bad though for all the crying and screaming. After a week or two, the crying stopped. He would fall asleep moments after laying him down.
Now, I also have a 2 year old. She screamed and cried a whole lot more and it was heartbreaking. So, I did kind of the same routine you are doing. Now, she won't go to sleep without me in the room.
My uncle and Aunt have a 9 year old son who still sleeps in their room. She did the same thing that I did with my 2 year old and what you are doing with your child. Now, he cannot sleep unless he is near her. He won't even have sleepovers with his friends because he needs his mom right there with him.
I am not saying it will be the same with your child though because every child is different. But, I would try letting the baby cry it out without you in the room. I saw on that Nanny show too that you should not give them any kind of stimulation. You could try one night just sitting next to the crib or the bed where he can see you, but not talking to him or rubbing his back or anything like that. I'm not sure how old your child is, but if he tries to climb out of the crib, just put him back in without saying anything and sit back down. Each night, move further and further away from the crib/bed. Eventually, you will be outside the door, or just around the corner. He will eventually stop crying and just go to sleep. After seeing how well it worked for the family the Nanny was helping, I decided to try this with my two year old and it seems to be working out alright so far. Give it a try and see if it works for you.

Answer 3

I think you're doing the right thing. I'm not sure I buy the theory that your child will feel abandoned if you leave him for ten minutes at a time in his crib. As if we don't feel guilty often enough.
I can relate, as I do basically the same as you...I put my daughter down BEFORE she's fallen asleep....and I know she is tired and ready for bed. If she fusses or cries I go in and rub her back, speak softly to her and let her know I'm there. Then I leave. Sometimes I have to do this several times, for quite a while. It depends if she's overtired or overstimulated etc. but overall it works pretty well.
I don't think it's the same as letting him cry it out. I think you're doing just fine...keep it up, stay consistent and over time he will learn that it is bedtime and time to go to sleep.

Answer 4

This is a hard one to deal with I know. I think leaving a crying baby in a room alone is not the way to go, that's just my opinion. The whole self soothe "meet the fockers", let him cry it out method is crazy. You are doing fine with the patting and eventually he will cry less and less and he will just know that it is nap time or sleepy time or whatever. You are doing the right thing if you ask me. Good Work.

Answer 5

leaving the room is better in the long run it's what i did for my son now he doesnt cry at all. my niece on the other hand has been held and rocked to sleep and will not stay sleeping when put into crib for more than 15 minutes then they pick her right up again. as long as your baby isnt completely freaking out just let him cry when he's tired. my son isnt clingy at all and he trusts me so it worked for me.

Answer 6

It's absolutely ok to rush to him. He's still just new, so any crying he does is for a reason. You can not spoil a baby this young. On the other hand, if your in the middle of using the washroom, and can't get to him for 5 minutes, it will not hurt him to cry for that length of time.

Answer 7

Depends on how old he is. Usually if the baby is under 4 months they say do not le tthe baby cry it out because the baby will feel insecure and alone. By 6 months of age it is ok to let him cry it out for a little while but usually not over 10 minutes because something may be wrong.

I have been told if you wrap yourself up in the babies blanket that it will leave your "scent" on there. Then you just place it on the baby and it is like you are there with them all night


I found the miracle of Lavender baby bath. I would bathe of shower with my daughter with lavender baby bath and she would zonk out within 15 minutes, Not everytime but it has worked well

Answer 8

It is not the 'letting them cry it out' method. You have to do what you think is best. This is your child and you need to be happy and comfortable with the method that you are using to get your child to go to sleep.

As for the lack of trust or clinginess later on, I have not had that experience. Both of my children learned to self-pacify at 6 months. They are 8 and 9 now and have no trouble going to bed, going to sleep or being apart from us. They are also not clingy. I sort of wish that they were.

I guess that my advise is for you to do what works for you and what you are comfortable with. This is your child and no one can tell you what the correct way is to get your child to sleep. It is something that every mother has to figure out for herself.

Answer 9

What you are doing is fine and he will eventually learn to go off to sleep alone. This method wont cause him problems later in life, its obvious you are a loving caring mother so he will grow up feeling loved and secure. I think this method is more traumatic for the mother than baby, they are resiliant little things. Keep up the good work! x

Answer 10

I think its important to make a distinction between abnormal and normal crying.

Abnormal crying times include: during feedings, immediately after feedings, and times when a baby wakes early out of a sound nap. Crying during these times requires attention, and child should not be allowed to "cry it out"

Normal crying times include: just before a feeding, when a baby is put down for a nap, and during the late afternoon/early evening period. The type of crying you are asking about is when going down for a nap. The duration of this type of crying is set by the child, but monitored by the parent. The American Academy of Pediatrics recognizes that: "Many babies cannot fall asleep without crying and will go to sleep more quickly if left to cry for a while. The crying shouldn't last long if the child is truly tired."

It is not unusual for a sleeping baby to occassionally begin whimpering or crying softly in the middle of a nap. Again, the words of the American Academy of Pediatrics are helpful in understanding what is going on. "Sometimes you may think your baby is waking up when she's actually going through a phase of very light slumber. She could be squirming, startling, fussing, or even crying--and still be asleep. Or she may be awake but on the verge of drifting off again if left alone. Don't make the mistake of trying to comfort her during these moments; you'll only awaken her further and delay her going back to sleep. Instead, if you let her fuss and even cry for a few minutes, she'll learn to get herself to sleep without relying on you." The Academy goes on to say that "some babies actually need to let off energy by crying in order to settle into sleep or rouse themselves out of it. As much as fifteen to twenty minutes of fussing won't do you child any harm. Just be sure she's not crying out of hunger or pain, or because her diaper is wet."

Identifying and knowing your baby's cry patterns and disposition (personal style) will hepl you learn to discern real needs.

This is for babies as young as a couple of weeks old.