We have been divorced for over 4 years, and we agreed to week to week shared parenting because we live in the same town and at the time, it seemed like the best option for our daughter. My daughter is 9 and tells me that she is worried because her dad drinks and drives with her in the car. I also believe he is back to doing drugs. We share the same babysitter and she is suspicious also. I have spoken to the local police who say that unless I get a lawyer (which I can not afford right now), my only hope is that he will get caught some day. He already has DUI's and has been to jail for those (before we were married), but he is the type that won't stop until they hurt someone and I don't want it to be my daughter.
So, is it wrong to ask the babysitter to call the police the next time he picks up my daughter from there and reeks of alcohol? He will also be bringing her to cheer practice on Monday and last time he reeked of alcohol. Should I call and have them waiting for him to leave....
2007-02-12 04:58:27 · 21 answers · asked by carrie love 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do not want him to know that I had a hand in this, but I need to have a way to get full custody of her. I know I'll still need a lawyer, but at least I'll have a more cut and dry case. Any thoughts on this situation???
2007-02-12 04:59:45 · update #1
Have the babysitter call the police or child services when he shows up drunk. They can document the action and that should get the ball rolling for you to get full custody. I just don't understand people who drink and drive... especially with their children. Good luck, sweetie.
2007-02-12 05:04:42 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your babysitter, teachers, whoever - at the fist sign of alcohol - should alert the police. Never mind this business about a lawyer - what if he has an accident with your daughter in the car? Are you going to feel justified in not "being able to afford a lawyer"???? You are crazy to let this go on - you're risking your daughters life!
2007-02-12 05:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops yourself when he is leaving the babysitters or wherever if you know he has been drinking. I have an ex like this and let me tell you, if you don't stand up for your child's safety now, noone else will. even if he does know that you are the one who called on him, who cares? You need to think about your child and what this is doing to her, not what some drunk thinks about what you did to keep her safe and alive! Also keep a calendar of events that shows when he was drinking with her around and any other issues that the two of you were having like not showing up on time for visitation or not returning the child on time. Every little bit will help when you do get back to court!
2007-02-12 05:18:08 · answer #3 · answered by Lori M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm....let's see here. Answer this simple question please. What scares you more: Your husband's anger about you calling the police on his illegal behaior (which can change) or your daughter's death (which can never change)?
You MUST stand up to him and call the police. Don't ask someone else to do your dirty work. NO ONE will get custody of your daughter while your ex is in prison for manslaughter of a minor. He has had previous history with DUI's so what will stop him next time? Killing your daughter with his drunk driving? Will you really let him go on driving in that condition?
You are the only parent your daughter can depend on in this situation. That is why God gave children 2 parents. Since she told her worries to you don't let her down, especially not 6 feet underground.
2007-02-12 05:13:34 · answer #4 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check your decree, it may state that his visitation is under condition of "the best interest of the child" if anywhere in the visitation part of the decree that it states that then you have the right to deny him visitation and state your reason why. By all means call the police when you smell alcohol, do it as soon as he pull out of a drive...that is a DUI enough of those and he will lose his driving privileges. Look do what is in the best interest of your child and I doubt he will take you to court because then his drinking will be exposed.
Also your daughter is old enough to tell a social worker that her dad is drinking and driving , the social worker may help you take legal action. You don't have to let him see her you do have to protect your child. what if he gets into an accident and she is seriously hurt or killed, they are going to wonder why you let her go with him when you KNEW he was drinking and driving, do you want that weight on your shoulders?
2007-02-12 05:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes have the babysitter call the police, just ask her if she is willing to knowing that he reeks of alchol and your daughters life is being put in the hands of someone with a serious problem and reckless abandon to put his own daughters life at stake even if it means not being able to wait until he is home and not going to hurt someone while driving.
2007-02-12 05:06:11 · answer #6 · answered by finished 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think people that do this should be shot in the head without a second thought.
Now, I have a brother that is the same way. Used to drive around drunk ( I don't mean after a single beer which is still wrong, but completely intoxicated ) and run off the road and all that. I called the police and told them when to expect him to come by and that he'd be drunk. Sure enough, they got him. I don't feel guilt, I don't feel remorse about it, I just know that it probably saved someone's life.
I believe you should do the same. The life you save may be your daughters.
2007-02-12 05:05:16 · answer #7 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By all means have the babysitter call. It is still your responsibility to protect your children even if this means from their other parent. I had to do this with my kids as my ex would do the same thing. If he is caught driving DUI with her in the car, he can be charged with child endangerment and you can go to court without a lawyer to put restrictions on him regarding this. Dont let this continue to happen dangering your child.
2007-02-12 05:08:27 · answer #8 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should insist that your child not drive with him if he smells of alcohol, but you need to speak to the ex ahead of time. You need to stand up and not have the babysitter be the scapegoat. Also keep a written record if any incidents to help you to get full custody of your child.
Call you ex's mother and family for help on this, I am sure they don't want their granddaughter harmed.
Good luck.
2007-02-12 05:11:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops on him, that may be your only way for now until you can afford a lawyer. Maybe you town or county has a legal aid department that can help you. They are usually free or at a reduced price
2007-02-12 05:06:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋