I drive a 75 mile round trip to work every day and I want to move to an apartment that is close to my job. I am sick and tired of the travelling back and forth to work. I get up at 4 am every morning and leave around 5:30 a.m. to be at work by 6:45 a.m. I do not get home until around 8:30 pm at nite and the same routine starts over again. I am the sole support of my husband, but, he does get a small disability check. He refuses to move so I can be closer to my job. He has had a stroke and stays home by himself and has his meals delivered to him..which the same thing could be done if we moved. I'm threatening to just move to an apartment on my own and just leaving if he doesn't want to move with me. Needless, to say I am 53 years old..going on 54 and am very stressed about all of this and am getting too old to be driving like this all the time. I think he's selfish..thanks for any answers..I think this one may be for Dr Phil...lol.
2007-02-12 04:56:04 · 19 answers · asked by gram3sandy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sixty years old, and I feel my life has just begun! You have a lot of living ahead of you, girl, and stress will take all of that joy away from you. You're right about needing more time away from this "rut". You could have a stroke yourself, and where would you be then?
There are two people here to consider, and that would INCLUDE you. If he isn't willing to consider your feelings and your needs, you have to consider them for yourself and for him. He may learn a very valuable lesson here if it's nothing more than to take you seriously. If you don't take care of yourself what will you have to offer anyone else? The longer you stay in this situation, the more you will be stressed and the more you will resent him for being so pig headed.
I'm not discounting his disability, but he is probably feeling the stress at the situation also. A move would be better for both of you, and if he insists on staying put, let him stew in his own juice. I hope you find a cute little place-just what your heart would love to come home to, and you'll even have the energy to enjoy what you work so hard for. You go, girl!
2007-02-12 05:28:46 · answer #1 · answered by annie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I drive 104 miles round trip to my job - it totally sucks!! I was "chosen" for my job and told I would have to go to the new workplace or lose my job, so no choice. If you can afford to move, do it. Hubby might be content and happy with his life the way it is but it's time to move on, take a chance, maybe a change would be good for him. You're going to wear yourself out plus each time you go to work or come home you think about the drive, probably all you do is work and drive, there's not time to do anything else. If you moved closer to your job then you would be closer to him. Just take a part of a day off and find a place and announce to him that you're moving. Since you make the biggest contribution to the household you have to make some of the biggest decisions, he truely might not be able to be objective about all of this because of his stroke. You'll have more money not spent on gas too! Good luck to you and have fun in your new place :-)
2007-02-12 13:08:36 · answer #2 · answered by kisinabrit 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a 100 mile a day commute and can feel your pain. If there is nothing keeping you there except your husband's insistence, than it does make good sense to move closer to work.
Talk to your husband honestly that the commute affects your health (fatigue), cost money (gasoline, maintenance and vehicle purchases) and you run a greater risk of having an accident. Your husband is disabled and may be set in his ways, but he is also being selfish. If the role were reversed would you move?
Good luck.
2007-02-12 13:04:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree. He is being very selfish. I would have to say that HE doesn't have much say as it goes - he's not the bread winner. He should be considering what a drain the current situation is on you - what if you work yourself sick? Then what will he do? I would kick into self-preservation mode, and save yourself! You should be working to live - not living to work. All the time you're spending commuting could be better spent - living. Tell the stubborn old bugger what's what - and YOU be selfish. !
2007-02-12 13:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being that you are the soul provider, I would say plan on moving. He has to understand that the driving is taking a toll on you. Why is he so set on being where you are at currently? If he can't understand that you need to move in order to preserve your health, then I guess I would say it is his loss. Make plans to look at some places on the weekend or something and ask him to go with you, if he refuses let him know that you are planning on moving up there with or without him. I think once you stop asking him if he wants to move and tell him that you are moving he may change his views. If he loves you, he will definitely go.
2007-02-12 13:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I will tell you what, my son does the same thing and he is only 24 and ready to move closer to work. He used to go to the gym after work but he has stopped that and instead comes home and falls asleep. So I can sympathize with you. Yes, you need to get a place closer to work, best of luck to you.
2007-02-12 13:06:22 · answer #6 · answered by I love winter 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think this is very selfish of your husband. If you are happy with your job, and make the money that supports you both, you've got to take care of yourself. I would talk to him and tell him, there is no option, you've got to get closer to work. If he chooses to not move, you won't have to make the choice, he's making it himself. Good luck to you, hope you get some answers to help you.
2007-02-12 13:17:05 · answer #7 · answered by Ginger 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I think you should move closer to your work (or look for a job closer to your house -I don't know if this is a possibility), and your husband should understand the situation, he is not being considerate.
2007-02-12 13:11:35 · answer #8 · answered by wildrose 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should have moved a long time ago. Your husband is being inconsiderate. Meals on wheels is just about everywhere. He needs to consider what you are going through. Wear and tear on the car, as well as wear and tear on your health. Move.
2007-02-12 13:00:34 · answer #9 · answered by Raven 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to move for your health and safety. you have not said why your hubby does not want to move though he may be just scared.Look about getting your new place and take him up there so he can be in the situation. then ask him to make the decision
2007-02-12 13:17:58 · answer #10 · answered by pretty face 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋