he says that he doesnt make enough money, but neither do i. we live paycheck to paycheck. he only pays for his cellphone, car note, insurance and 2 small credit cards. i pay everything for the house including my small bills. how can i get him to help?
2007-02-12 04:51:28 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Open communication is essential in any marriage. Sit him down and show him the bills for each month. Explain to him that you don't want him to pay it all but you need some help here.
If he's open to this - make a budget together. Decide who will take what bill and decide how much money you would like to save together in case of emergencies or even a nice vacation. Each of you need your own money, but need to devise a plan to pay expenses together and save together.
Make sure when you sit down with him that you aren't accusatory, mad or aggresive. That you don't resent him for not paying more. He may honestly not be aware. Or he might not feel able to pay more. That's where a budget is so key, so you're each paying what you can and sharing all things equally.
If he's not open, then it get's a whole lot harder. You can try to enlist outside help, your pastor, or a therapist to sit and talk things out with. Money is a tough thing to talk about. If he refuses to pay more, or believes he already does enough then you need to be prepared to either 1. accept that and keep doing what you're doing, or 2. take other actions. Sometimes lack of monetary support from a spouse can be signs of other martial problems and couples therapy - both joint and single sessions - can help work out these hidden issues.
Marriage is an equal partnership. Each must pull their weight and contribute or the marriage becomes unequal and resentment grows.
2007-02-12 05:04:32 · answer #1 · answered by noncrazed 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are so right sweetie. A marriage means that both of you should have access to the money and both should be able to spend on what is needed for the family. It also means that he should include you in making decisions on how the family money should be spent. When you say "he buys expensive things" is that expensive things for the family or expensive things for him? If the answer is for him, he is selfish because he is controlling you with keeping you with the minimum amount of money. In addition, yes he should be planning for your future together by saving, but he probably does have a savings account for him that you know nothing of. I would say, get a job so that you can have some spending money, even if it's a part time job. If daycare is a problem, maybe you can have a friend or family member watch the kids so that you can work part time without paying a lot for daycare fees. If there are other issues with his behavior I would say leave him if you have the option and can get a job to support yourself. Remember, depending on what state you live you will be entitled not only to child support but alimony as well until you can get back on your feet. I'm so sorry and feel for your situation and I hope my answer will help in some way to make things better for you.
2016-05-24 01:10:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a couple of things missing here...
Does he sneak and store away all his cash outside the bills he does pay? Or does he pay his bills and have nothing left?
I can see where you'd be upset in scenario #1 where he's just not sharing his wealth to help out with the rest of the bills.
In scenario #2 if his bills are so much that he has nothing left from a paycheck, then you really can't squeeze blood from a rock hon.
2007-02-12 05:00:24 · answer #3 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you don't paying for everything because he is paying his own stuff and that is part of your totally monthly nut for the household.
It is usual for him to contribute nothing to the actual overhead of the house and utilities. After all he benefit from living there.
The fair way to pay for everything should be based on the percentage of income. What is the percentage difference between incomes? Total the entire monthly outgo for the house and pay proportionately to your income. In this case it would be the most fair. Of course you my have to make some adjustments based on other factors. You both have to sit down as a team and make solid financial goals but of course you have to have an agreed upon direction.
What you do with the positive balance, if there is any, is up to you as a family to decide. I can only hope you both can come to some consensus for your own financial future.
2007-02-12 05:19:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should put all income into a joint account. All bills (even his small credit cards and your small bills) should be shared just as the groceries, heating and cooling, water, phones, etc., are shared.
IF this is not possible then go through each bill and each month to equally divide the payments between you depending on your income.
If he disagrees then don't let him share the utilities you are paying for....even to the point of kicking him out of the house for a night.
2007-02-12 05:01:45 · answer #5 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well he needs the phone so you can make sure hes being a good boy. Got to have a car for you guys to get around law to have insurance no way around that. Credit card he probably gets you and him things with like gas and things that benefits you to. Maybe he needs a better paying job .
Why did you get married ? love or money
2007-02-12 05:01:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, let's see.....were things like this when you agreed to marry him? If you accepted it before, how is it fair to him that you no longer want to accept it? You have two choices here, accept him for who he is and what he will or won't do. Or....you can choose to leave him. If he doesn't want to do more than what he is doing now, things probably will not change. You can take the chance on telling him that if he doesn't do something more to help out that you will be forced to leave the marriage. Depending on the type of man he is, he will either step up and find a better job or a second job....or he will say fine leave. You really have to decide what it is that you want ultimately.
2007-02-12 05:05:27 · answer #7 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess his priorities only involve him. He pays for his cellphone.. his car..insurance and credit cards.. he expects you to pay all the living expenses and then some. Don't feed him anymore and when he wants food.. tell him you don't make enough money. When the lights are out and he wants to know why.. tell him you don't make enough money. When the tv won't get anything.. tell him you don't make enough money. If he continues not to help out.. throw him out.
2007-02-12 05:14:49 · answer #8 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Counseling....if you are not married financially, then you are not really married totally....
You can still correct the problem...but he needs to understand the need for balance in the family....it is not just about money...but about your emotions and your well being as well....
You have to be healthy...emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally....
Let him know that you are concerned about how these things will eventually effect your relationships in the long run...and that you all need some help in balancing the finances in the house....
If you are bothered now, there will come a time when it gets really old....
2007-02-12 04:56:06 · answer #9 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to tell him to go get his own place to live or you go and get your own place. He will have to pay to love if you are not there to do it. He is taking advantage of you. Even a teen who still lives at home with their parents have to pay something to live there. He thinks you are dumb and he can get away with this. Show him you are not. You know you can make it on your own so you have nothing to worry about. He sounds like a loser.
2007-02-12 05:10:34 · answer #10 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋