my husband has a 12 yr old son who lives w/us. i have a 7yr. old girl, and we have twin 22mon. g/b and a 6mon. old boy. we both don't know who to disipline the others kids. if i say or do something my step-son does't like he tells his mom and it starts a fight. but she lives 50miles away and hardly sees him, so i feel i need to be there for him as a mom type. and i don't like some of the punisments my husband uses on my daughter like grounding etc... but he doesn't do the same for his son unless i point it out and make him. we have a large family and we all love each other, i just want us to get along better. any advise????
2007-02-12 04:50:22 · 10 answers · asked by amber l+5KIDS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first of all, it doesn't matter who has what children they should all be treated the same as if they are all yours and his. You are going to have to sit your hubby down and agree on how you are both going to discipline them and do it together and always back each other up with the same answers. This is so vital and important. If some children are treated differently they will always feel different. Set down some rules. Get the kids and both of you together and do this as a family. Ask the kids what should happen as a consequence when they break the rules and the fun part is that you can tell the kids or ask them rather what the rules should be and what they think a good punishment is. That way you can always say well you helped make up the rules so you have to follow them too. It goes for everyone not just one of you. It a good way to involve the whole family. Hope this helps take care Heather
2007-02-12 05:11:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is tricky ground....rules should be applied equally. Maybe you should re-evaluate your role with your stepson a bit. Yes he lives with you, but perhaps you should defer more of the decisions to Dad. If you disagree with something ss is doing, suggest that he take the question to Dad for Dad to solve. Let's face it, it's hard not to be protective toward 'your' kid, but then you also have the three others that belong to both of you, AND guess what, you will also have discipline issues/parenting disagreements about those three as well. Discuss your differing parenting ways and see if there is a middle ground. Always try to appear united in front of the kids, and save discussion about disagreements on discipline for private talk. Good Luck
2007-02-12 04:58:58 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband have to get together and talk about this. You need to decide what rules are acceptable and which ones are not. You have to provide a united front for all the kids, regardless of his son running home to mommy to start a fight. Once you two have made your decisions, sit the older kids down and inform them of what you have decided. If his son doesn't like it, too bad and Dad should stand by what you have decided to do to deal with the decipline in your home.
2007-02-12 04:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically you and your husband need to sit down and come up with some guideline rules that apply to all of the children. That way when something comes up and one of them get into trouble....you already know what the punishment is going to be. Another choice would be that when one of the children does something that one of the parents feels deserves punishment, you two discuss it prior to punishing the child. As married adults you two should be able to come up with a fair system. As far as your step-son going back and telling his mother and causing problems.....if your husband is ok with you discipling his son, then don't worry about it. Kids will play that card as long as they can. Once he finds out that it doesn't matter if he runs back and tells her, and that it gets him nowhere.....I imagine it will stop. You need to sit down with the kids, older ones, and explain to them that even though that person may not be their biological parent, they are the one that is in their life on a daily basis and that they have the right punish them. Also, explain to them that you and your husband have come up with punishment guidelines and from now on this is how it is going to be.
2007-02-12 05:11:03 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
perchance you may evaluate counseling. Your daugher is probable having a coarse time with issues. She has to handle shifting from her homestead, coping along with her step mom, adjusting to existence with you and her step-dad. She's probable resenting the actuality that your husband is disciplining her. She could think of that via fact he's no longer her actual dad, she does not could pay attention to him. comparable along with her step-mom. you need to not could p.c. between your daughter or your husband. She's your daughter and can be the main severe difficulty on your existence yet on the comparable time she could additionally comprehend that she will't control you into choosing her. you may desire to verify new how you are able to take care of problems with out becoming stress between all and sundry. sturdy success, i'm hoping you all can paintings issues out.
2016-10-02 00:38:00 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good articles are linked below. It's best to form an agreement between you on ways to handle the children. Also, it's easier for all of them if you create rules that they all follow. In a large family, they will make rules, responsibilities, and consequences for each age.
My suggestion for step parents is to love/praise them twice for each correction. Make sure they know you love them.
2007-02-12 04:57:22 · answer #6 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should all go to counseling, and make sure you show him all the anwers you read on this Yahoo answer You both can get alot out of a objective point of view
2007-02-12 04:55:59 · answer #7 · answered by winnerfull-1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to divorce the kids turn around and adopt them that way everything will be equal
2007-02-12 05:21:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can say that i came from a family that really didnt get along i mean it is just going to take time and you are going to have to work on it and learn to get along. i never and sometimes still dont get along with my stepdad but once you have lived with somebody for 12 years you learn to get along.
2007-02-12 05:33:08 · answer #9 · answered by octashiathamoneymaker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't suppose this was ever discussed first before marriage. Nah just jumped right in
2007-02-12 04:55:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋