EVERYONE LOVES HIM....my parents, my friends, my relatives....He is wonderful, caring, trustworthy, hot, great job, gorgeous house, genuine, would be a great father.....I have always been in drama filled relationships and FINALLY decided to get out of it after 7 years and this has been my 1st non drama relationship. My ex still carries his torch in my head for some reason. I guess its cause our relationship ended with me in infatuation over a jerk and it has been very troublesome for me to forget about him every day.
I took a 6 month break and then met my new boyfriend. We clicked. We both wanted to get married to each other someday, have kids together, and live in our "now" house FOREVER.
One day my feelings clicked off. Honestly, I woke up one morning after we were dating for 3 months and had come to the conlusion that I didnt love him anymore. Since then I went on some anti-anxiety meds and my feelings have been up and down. Some days are awful while some are great. When we are out of town I dont think about anything and have a good time with him, BUT when we are at home I get all anxious and feel like I dont love him anymore...I dont know why but the smallest things he does annoy me and the next day everything could be fine. I just dont feel as romantic as I used to with him. I still enjoy having sex with him and spending time with him but feel as though something is missing or I dont love him anymore? I dont trust myself with this relationship. Please help, I hate hearing that I am not in love with him anymore...For some reason people re-assuring my love for him makes me feel better?!?!?
Are there any suggestions and/or any way I can make this work? I want him to be the father of my children and my husband and be happy with it!
2007-02-12 04:39:35 · 16 answers · asked by dawson190154 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The most perfect man in the entire world may not be perfect for you and you cannot nessecarily "make" it work. You could just learn to deal with it and live however. Odds are that finding this Mr. Right swept you off of your feet because your past relationships have been so hard. Of course your family ad friends love him... they know what you've been through in the past and they are more than happy that someone is out there who is so perfect, even if they aren't perfect for you. If you found this man, you will find another. You've gotten over the part of relationships that helps you find out what you want in a man. Now, you need to discover the part that not only makes them perfect, but perfect for you and your needs. Don't settle for Mr. Right now when Mr. Right forever is out there waiting for you. Good luck honey, find your man and may God bless you to be happy forever!! :)
2007-02-12 04:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by Lil Gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to go back to the doctor and try some new meds or more therapy. You have become obsessed with this issue and until you stop focusing on it so hard you will never know the answer. It seems like you aren't in love with him, but you feel like you should be because he is so great of a person. If you want to be in love with him, you have to stop obsessing about it and just let it happen or you need to break it off, take a break from men (more than 6 months) get yourself straightened out and start over. No person will ever be able to fill the void you seem to have, only you can do that and until you do, you will never be happy.
2007-02-12 12:50:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said " I want him to be the father of my children and my husband and be happy with it", but Life typically just doesn't work that way. Yes, being happy is our choice and you can choose to be happy with this man, whether you love him or not...but why?
It seems apparent it's just not a good match for you, at least right now and you mentioned early in your post you "woke up one morning after we were dating for 3 months and had come to the conlusion that I didnt love him anymore" but 3 months is a relatively short time for love to develop anyway, so chances are you never really loved him at all...you were just fond of him or infatuated with him or maybe even in lust with him...
Don't try to force yourself into a relationship that's not right for you, just to be in a relationship. It's OKAY to be single...don't settle!
Give yourself some space and some time to re-evaluate this situation and see how you really feel about it. The anti-anxiety meds you are on probably add to the confusion (or the reason you are on them does) because it makes it tough to understand how you actually feel, when your moods are up and down about things.
Try to be objective and think about what you really want...and if this is the person you really want a future with or is it just someone who is better than what you've had in the past so you are clinging in spite of there not being any real "spark" or deeper feelings?
2007-02-12 12:49:04 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get off the meds.
In every relationship there are times when we doubt ourselves or our loved ones. It's human nature. However, you eighther Love him or you don't. If you can say to yourself "I don't love him anymore" and actually mean it at the time, then he's not right for you! And you're not doing him any favors by staying in the relationship. Don't let your family pick the father of your children. Are you so worried about what your family will think that you've convinced yourself that you love him?
2007-02-12 12:50:40 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you haven't spent years knowing your new boyfriend, your relationship is part "crush" and part "real." As you find out your dreamed "crush" realities are not true, you tend to come down the hill to reality.
As time goes by, you will get to know him, his faults and his down side. As you know him better, it wll either cause you to love him more, or cause you to stop loving him.
Also, because you are still healing from your past relationship, you can't give 100% to this relationship. It would be good to concentrate on yourself and work on healing. If you haven't done it , a Divorce Care or Divorce Recovery class would be helpful. Also, I'd recommend the book Heal the Hurts That Sabotage Your Life (at the link below). Please see the links below for more resources.
2007-02-12 12:48:02 · answer #5 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through something like this. I ended up leaving my then-fiance after I started getting these feelings about him. We had been together for three years, and then one day...my feelings changed. I stayed with him for a while after this happened and I was so miserable. A few months later, I told him how I was feeling and we split up. After we were apart for a year, I tried getting back together with him, but I just couldn't get my feelings on the right track. We split for good, and six years later...I'm happliy married to a wonderful man who I have a great passion for and I have no regrets about my decision.
I think you should talk to your man. Tell him how you are feeling and go from there. Let him try to help you.
2007-02-12 12:54:12 · answer #6 · answered by Hey you! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe your meds have something to do with what you are feeling. i know this may sound crazy but sometimes when you are with someone who is so perfect it's scary, and since you've had some troubles with relationships in the past, you almost get jelous of the person. not like you want to be them or anyhtng, but you start making excuses in your head why they are'nt right for you, or that he annoys you or w.e...i think it's hard to comprehend that maybe there is someone right for for you there, and maybe it's him. there are also times that even the most perfect person in the world isn't right for you, they are perfect, but not perfect for you. but in your case you sound pretty crazy about him and i think you mayb just need some time to think about all the pros and cons about him, and see which side is more significant. i know this may not change anything, i hope it does, and i think it's important you know it's OK to let yourself be happy, that may be a big part of this.
2007-02-12 12:50:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it is your life that you don't love, not him....are you unhappy with your work life or living situation or something else maybe...I don't mean to over simplify this but the good ones don't come along every day,,,,think about what else it might be that is bugging you...it doesn't really sound like it is him...good luck.
If you are used to drama, although you don't like it, you may, for some reason need it....becasue it is familiar to you...only you can heal that...
2007-02-12 12:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dear it 's hard for so many people to understand the heart and mind can combined if your love for him is true you will accept the fact that no matter what people like or don't like about him they accept the fact that your love is strong and that he love is love. my family and friends will forgive and forget and forget and forgive the trouble that you may have or not have caused because you are torn and confused because you haven't told him everything yet do you love him enough to do so yes or no?
2007-02-12 13:05:03 · answer #9 · answered by reva a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are addicted to the high of the drama. You are not ready for a new relationship at this time.
2007-02-12 12:46:32 · answer #10 · answered by starflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋