sometimes i feel like i love him and sometimes i feel like i dont. i flirt with other guys but only when they know im married and have recently started really liking another man. i have, and never would, cheat on my huband but my reasons for staying with him are wrong. neither him or me would be able to move out of the house, he loves me and it would break his heart and i cant bear to see him hurting. i cant stand making love to him but think about other people making love to me quite a lot. im just confused and need a little guideance, im not sure what to do. i have tried to leave him once before but it got so messy that i just took him back because it was easier.
2007-02-12 04:12:41 · 21 answers · asked by Me_B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do what you feel is right. it already feels like you know the answer. it doesn't matter at this point whether it hurts your husband or not because it will hurt him worse in the end if you keep faking loving him. he might rather have the faking now, cuz chances are he already knows you want to leave him, because he can't bear living without you. but the truth is, he will be much happier in the end with someone that loves him. and so will you.
2007-02-12 04:18:44 · answer #1 · answered by pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've already given up on this marriage.
Why is it so hard to leave your husband - is it that your marriage, no matter how bad it is, provides you with security? A sense of normalcy? Do you not want to move on because that prospect is scary to say the least? Are you really sure that you don't want to hurt him - or you don't want to be hurt?
To be brutally honest - if you were truly concerned about his level of hurt you wouldn't be fantasizing about other men. You may think he doesn't notice, but he does. You can't stand to make love to him - probably any intimancy - trust me that is noticeable.
The longer you stay in this marriage - as it is now - the more it is going to hurt the two of you.
Marriage is a life long commitment. There has to be some reason why your mind and heart are wandering. Going to a couple's therapist would be a good start. Schedule sessions together and just by yourselfs, so that there is a safe time when things can be discussed away from each other.
You will always regret at least not trying to understand why this marriage went wrong. There is also always a chance to help this marriage back to a whole and complete union. Before filling for divorce try to help both of you by exploring why this has happened.
In the end, even if you seperate - you and your spouse will have some idea of what went wrong and there won't be some many unanswered questions in the air along and guilt.
2007-02-12 04:33:21 · answer #2 · answered by noncrazed 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is almost always hard and never easy. You can't bear to see him hurting but can you bear to live unhappy? If you feel and you know the reasons for staying are wrong then they probably are. I went through a rough divorce which dragged on for a long time and caused me much grief. But now i'm happy and would i do it all over again yes. I don't know the reasons for either of you not being able to move out of the home, but unfortunely it will have to happen. Explore your options. Is there anyone who would be willing to help you. Family? Friends? Coworkers? Also research the laws of divorce in your state. Some are more difficult than others. Confusion on wheather or not you love someone can be very confusing especially if the other person plays on a kind heart or emotions. Don't stay because you feel bad for him. It will only get worse.
2007-02-12 04:53:59 · answer #3 · answered by diamondback 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that you are doing the right thing. Despite you pretending in front of the kids they will be affected by your unhappiness. It is great that you are feeling the strength now to do the right thing and leaving. Choose a day in the next couple of days and leave. Say the day after tomorrow when you can get a place organized and your stuff packed. Do it earlier if you can. I promise you - you will be much much happier. You will still have times that you will feel scared and unsure and that is to be expected. One thing that an abusive relationship depends on is taking away your self esteem and independence. It is great that you now have the courage to make a change. All the best.
2016-05-24 01:02:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do what's easiest. You have to do what YOU want, not anyone else. But i don't want to contradict myself but if you love this man then you can't change that. Every marriage will have its ups and downs but you married him for a reason. I think you are just liking the other man for the fact that your really not supposed to like other men b/c your married, maybe that's just showing you need some more excitment in your life, try doing new things in you relationship to make you guys closer. You said it was wrong your reason for staying with him, i don't know that exact reason but if its something that can be damaging maybe it would be better that you divorce. sorry i wasn't that much of help but i guess it just depends on more details to know exactly how to help you!
good luck with everything
2007-02-12 04:27:31 · answer #5 · answered by Jessica! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when you think your heart isnt in it, it can be bc something is off. You obviously love him or you wouldnt care if he hurt or not. There are many reasons why you can be feeling this way. It can be bc theres no fire in your relationship or maybe bc you like the risk. Sounds to me that the reason you flirt with these guys are bc theyre safe. They know youre married so in a way youre protected. When you imagine other ppl making love to you, that sounds like youre just exploring your fantasies. Why not try to explore them with your husband and try talking to him about how you feel without placing the blame. Ive been there lol.
2007-02-12 04:31:41 · answer #6 · answered by Azaryel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like your heart has already moved on.
True Love is NOT a sometimes thing.
You are having thoughts of other men. How can you say you would never cheat, yet you claim to be into another man and confused?
I suggest you leave him before you do cheat and harm yourself and him.
2007-02-12 04:20:01 · answer #7 · answered by Papa Mac DaddyJoe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to be unhappy. If you do not enjoy him in bed anymore that is a big thing. Have you thought of going to couselling (marriage)? If you don't have to same feelings for him that you once did, you will have to do what makes you happy. It there is nothing there then you have to sit hubby down and tell him exactly how you feel and that you are sorry, but you need to move on with your life and you just don't think that its with him. Take care Heather
2007-02-12 04:25:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's no abuse or cheating going on, try working on your marriage first. Go to a counselor, pastor, or someone who can look at things objectively.
If nothing else, go see a counselor/therapist on your own. There could be some issues you just need to work our for yourself. I don't mean that in a negative way nor am I implying that because you are unsure in your marriage you need to seek help. Sometimes it just helps to talk about things with an objective party to clear your head.
2007-02-12 04:21:25 · answer #9 · answered by mommyofmegaboo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are asking the right questions but you seem to be suffering from grass is greener on the other side syndrome. You will leave and want him back. You are the one who needs professional help in my opinion.
2007-02-12 04:27:19 · answer #10 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋