Well I've been with this guy for 6 years and we have 2 kids we don't live together( we used to but I had problems with his mom) Now I've been living home and he's still at his momma's house for 2 years. He's always been jealous and he doesn't want me to go out even though I only go out once in blue moon. If someone tries to kick it to me and I don't tell him all hell breaks lose . I've noticed that he want to have absolute control over me and that if I'm doing something that get to good (like I'm starting college in the fall) he starts acting like a jerk. And latetly he does't want to spend squat on the kids.( yes they are his) So for a while now I've tried breaking up with him and take him to court but he makes me feel so bad and so guilty and I don't know why he's probably cheating and he doesn't wanna help out with his kids so why do I feel like this. Please give me some advice so that I won't feel bad for this jerk and get on with my life .
2007-02-12 04:03:36 · 10 answers · asked by precious 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You should not feel bad at all. He is abusive and controlling. He is manipulating your feelings when you take him to court. Read your words, "So for a while now I've tried breaking up with him and take him to court but he makes me feel so bad and so guilty..."
He probably does have another girl, but you need to separate yourself from him completely. It sounds like you made the first step, even though it was because of his mom. By the way, most of these abusive men are momma's boys.
Go back to court and ignore him completely. No matter what he says, stand your ground. Have an attorney represent you if it takes that. Do not let his phoney words sway you.
The reason that you feel the way you do is because he has weakened your self esteem. Most likely you did not feel great about yourself in the first place and this guy has used every weakness he can find in you to break you down. That is how the cycle of abuse works.
Believe me, I know from experience. My step-mother and father were abusive to me until I turned 26 and stopped speaking to them.
Take care,
Troy
2007-02-12 04:16:31 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you feel bad. But then, smelly garbage can do that too. Don't invest too much in how you feel, our moods can change without reason. You will have lots of roles in your life. Your role as mom is to protect and guide your kids. If you are not getting the financial support you need and not independently wealthy then court is the answer. Its a process. No one there is taking it personal. As a student y ou will also have certain roles and lots of bad days. So the question is, why does this guy manage to get in your head and twist things around enough that even though he is living with mom and not taking responsibility for his kids, you still feel sorry for him.....I am assuming you work and juggling 2 kids a job and now school is no picnic, but you manage to be an adult, clean up your act and be their for the kids...why not expect the same from him? He knows which buttons to push dear...the trick is to stop wearing those buttons on the outside of your clothes!! When you start feeling confident in yourself no one can mess with your self-esteem and guilt...cause you will know the truth. Even my weaknesses are strengths now.....for instance, I know I am a bad driver. if you criticize that you are right! and when I can, I get someone else to drive. But if y ou criticize my choices as a mom...you are just plain silly cause I have worked really hard at it and my kids are awesome....Join a church, be a part of something outside of your family where you can get support and talk this out....
2007-02-12 04:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Victoria, i'm sorry to hearken to that there is somewhat disrespect on your place---yet a 33 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous will by no potential circulate out if mom is dottering and spoiling him---why would desire to he circulate?? worry is he will by no potential study the thank you to peacefully co-exist with a woman on a mature point...what a disgrace. you're additionally witnessing somewhat crude disrespectful habit that comes from being kinfolk and residing at the same time those style of years. To an interloper this all sounds undesirable--to you and your brother that's basically on a regular basis residing. So say no in case you will desire to--he won't explode or turn blue. relax, be cool, be outstanding, and robust good fortune-----SMILE
2016-11-03 06:04:39 · answer #3 · answered by arrocha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was with someone just like him (except i dont have any kids w/him)
a guy should not be telling you what to do, ever!!
and hes living w/his mom, what a loser.
hes not helping you w/the kids.
hes not happy for your successes.
he hasnt started his life yet and moved out and got his own place
dump this loser, girl! you deserve a king and this guys a slug.
the only thing hes given you are two beautiful kids. surely you can get custody cuz what court is gonna give HIM custody?
unless you want his mom to help out.
p.s. why are you still w/him? and why hasnt he married you yet?
2007-02-12 04:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by StinkyDec19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you feel bad but you are doing this for your kids's sake so you have to be strong and fight to get their money for them. It isn't there fault their dad is a jerk. They deserve their money, so be strong and get it for them. You're their mom and you are supposed to defend them, not defend the dad who won't pay. They ought to be able to have one parent that they know they can count on to get things done. right?
2007-02-12 04:12:29 · answer #5 · answered by Cuppycake♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is there to feel bad about? either you want to be with him or you don't, what's with this TRYING to break up with him? either your together or not!!! Make up your mind and live with the consequences!!! MOVE ON with your life. If not for you, for your kids. do what's right for THEM, not him.
2007-02-12 04:15:26 · answer #6 · answered by jboogie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just think he is not worth you.You dont have to feel guilty about leaving him.Just move on.
2007-02-12 04:09:03 · answer #7 · answered by ANU U 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just leave and stay away from him he is no good for you and the kids.what a pain in the *** I say.move on and be happy.
2007-02-12 04:21:24 · answer #8 · answered by bette69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and take your kids elsewhere.
2007-02-12 04:11:58 · answer #9 · answered by Nikole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him he sounds like a real loser,
2007-02-12 04:09:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋