Hi i`m just looking for some advice about what to do about my ex seeing our son.He left us for the 2nd time about 6 weeks ago,he has text to see our son.I said i wanted to get my son settled first as he has learning difficulties and the last time his dad left he took it really bad,wouldn`t want to come back home after being out and would scream,he obviously knew something was wrong but caouldn`t and still can`t speak to let me know.
His dad would stay out for days on end drinking and taking drugs and i`d be left on my own to cope with our son,when he was here he didn`t have much patience as our son can be quite demending anyway it`s been 6 weeks since he left and he hasn`t seen our son and i thought my wee boy was starting to settle down and was going to arrange a visit but he was watching cartoons just now and got upset when he saw the daddy character cuddling his little boy and started pointing and shouting bad at the tv.This broke my heart as i don`t want my son getting upset....
2007-02-12 03:59:06 · 9 answers · asked by onlyme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just don`t know what to do for the best now,what if i invite my ex to see him and he can`t handle it when his daddy leaves him again after spending an hour or so with him,my ex can just walk away and feel good about seeing his wee boy whilst i`m left to pick up the pieces again and again.I can`t ask my son how he feels as he can`t speak so i just have to constantly reassure him that i`m not going away,advice appreciated,thanx.
2007-02-12 04:02:53 · update #1
The father has every right to see his son BUT, you have the right to protect your son too. Get legal help and try arrange for supervised visits until the father can prove to you that the visits can be done any other way. Your son is young, he needs you to protect him because his father obviously has other priorities at the moment and he can't demand when he feels like it. I hope it all works out.
Good luck.
2007-02-12 04:03:47 · answer #1 · answered by zweebob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you say it sounds as if your little boy would get on better if the situation with his dad was formalised in some way - i.e. visits restricted to certain days and times, perhaps with the help of a mediator. Ask at your Citizens' Advice Bureau about mediation, or see a solicitor. I think you need professional help on this one. P.S. when my childrens' father left they accepted it better when I talked about examples of other kids in the same situation -e.g. on tv. I don't know if this will work with your son, given his problems, but you might find a simple way to explain it to him, such as 'Daddy has to work away from home for a while but he still loves you and will come and see you whenever he can.' Then you have to try and be Mum and Dad for him! I hope you have friends and relatives who can help.
2007-02-12 12:08:07 · answer #2 · answered by mad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry.
I understand that you boy needs stability in order to reach his developmental and educational goals. This is essential. Please, let you ex know that if he loves his son he has to understand that he needs to build a new routine to help him ease with all the things going on. Promise him that you will let him see his child and that he , as the father,. needs to help you parent the child and by not creating more chaos your child would benefit a lot.
Tell him that YES he can help but there wll be ground rules so the child gets the best of both worlds. tell him that he is taking it really hard and that he needs to learn to adapt to the new circumstances, Tell him that playing with your son;s heart is not doing him any good and will regress his hard earned progress and you don't want that.
Good luck
2007-02-12 12:12:54 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have evidence that he is gone for days drinking and getting high then I think you should have a slam-dunk for a full-custody, supervised-visits-only arrangement.
I think children need both parents whenever possible but in your case your ex is destructive and dangerous. Your son should not be around this guy.
As for your son being upset seeing a loving father and son relationship on tv - I don't know how to help you with that. You'll have to tell him that his daddy loves him but has big problems and can't live there anymore. Make sure he understands that it is not his (your son) fault.
2007-02-12 12:04:17 · answer #4 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the child needs to know that his dad really loves him and he needs to hear and feel this from his dad. Ask his father to hug him a lot and tell him that its not his fault mom and dad are not together, sometimes mommies and dadies just need to be happy and you were not happy together. He need this love from his dad. Tell his dad just to love him and do things together like watch a movie or play a game with him and hug him as much as he can. If you want to know how to deal with this the best you can childrens aide love to hear from caring parents and you could just ask them the best way to handle this situations so that he knows dad loves him. Maybe there is something special dad could do with his son once a week, take him to mcdonalds or take him to a movie or rent one, or help him with his schoolwork somthing that he does thats special with him. This is very difficult situations and I am sure you will be able to figure something out. Take care Heather
2007-02-12 12:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not let this toxic man back into your sons life. That is the best possible thing you can do for him. Do not let him go through that again ever..as a mother its your job to protect him and your husband sounds to unstable to be there indefinatly..text your husband back telling him he fucked up big time and now he needs to eat crow. Tell your husband that he is not welcome back into his sons life again and move on. Do not let your poor son go on this merry-go-round with such an asshole father.
2007-02-12 12:12:57 · answer #6 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg never make your child see a counsler god u might as well put him on meds if ur gonna do that...just let him spend time with his dad every now and then he'll get it used to it soon!
2007-02-12 12:07:43 · answer #7 · answered by PhotographyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make and keep a record of his behavior and see a lawyer for help. ~
2007-02-12 12:05:13 · answer #8 · answered by Pey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
apparently your child is having some difficulties with this...please get this child into counseling NOW!!
2007-02-12 12:02:07 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋