I have been dating my boyfriend for over two years. We've been living together since August. I'm graduating from grad school in May. He will be attending grad school in Fall - place to be determined. We decided to move together where I can get a job and where he gets into grad school. We've talked long term - kids, buying a house, our lives together in 20 years, etc.
Saturday night we met another couple. The couple were wearing rings on their wedding ring finger. Yesterday, I made a comment to my boyfriend that I really want a ring and a ceremony of some sort as a commitment to one another. He responded that he thought it was too short of a time to know if he was ready to commit. That he wasn't out to his extended family and would have to take off his ring every time he went home.
How much time should I give him? Should I look past the fact that he doesn't want a ring as an outward sign of our love and look at our plans for our lives together?
2007-02-12 03:55:02 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
But how can he plan life with me without knowing whether he can commit to me? I don't understand how we can be moving across the country but he still has this lingering doubt.
2007-02-12 04:02:15 · update #1
If you love him you should stay with him for as long as you love him.
Finding love is difficult enough. If he doesn’t want to be out to his family he has his reasons and it really is his call. It is his family after all. His unwillingness to out himself is not an insult to you. If you guys are planning for the future and talking about kids I think it’s safe to say he loves you back. Cherish it. Love is an interesting thing that will prevail in the end if you believe in it. Rings aren’t everything, they are only symbolic. Try talking to him about what this means to you, and why he doesn’t want to be out to his family. Don’t criticize him, just try to understand him better, and explain yourself to him as well. Don’t ruin a good thing by worrying over minor details. Relax and enjoy the wonderful thing have.
2007-02-12 04:07:19 · answer #1 · answered by Ice Queen 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between commitment and a religious or secular ceremony. This is equally true for straight people -- and continues to be a cause of struggle. I can tell you right now that I have been with my partner for 15 years. I wear a ring on my left hand -- little finger. He gave it to me, but we have not had and will not have a ceremony. Partly that is because we are in a state that has not legalized gay marriage, but partly that is because commitment is from the heart, and a ring or a piece of paper, or a ceremony -- cannot change what is in the heart.
I would not worry about it too much if I were you. Over TIME (meaning years) you can talk about what commitment means to him -- what ones are agreeable and which ones are not -- and so forth.
Regards,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2007-02-12 07:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely Stay ,
you say you have been dating a little over 2 years and only living together since August .>> 6 months , though it may seem like a life time it's not you have only began the journey of a lifetime together !
first of all you need to stop calling him your boyfriend , the reason why is that you two have decided to take your relationship to another level by living together so he's more than a boyfriend/ date = try Partner in life .
His res ponce is correct , he apparently has some issues to deal with first before committing to you or his lifestyle as of yet . You can help by supporting him and keeping the lines of communication open between yourselves and others ,then when he's ready and dealt with his issues that "ring " may come . But first things first the rest will follow in time .
Good luck to you both and Big HUGGS
2007-02-12 04:12:25 · answer #3 · answered by nygayart 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Give him some time! You're probably just being paranoid and thinking about it too much- a very normal reaction. Sounds like he's pretty committed to you, but just hasn't had a chance to think through the idea of a formal ceremony and ring exchange. I would let it go for a few months and bring it up again in a casual way.
2007-02-12 04:21:45 · answer #4 · answered by kena2mi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should stay and not worry about it. By living together you have already taken one big step on the commitment road. If things keep going good I am sure that he will be more than ready to put the ring on his finger. He might even be the one to bring it up. Please do not set a time limit as there is no schedule to such things.
2007-02-12 04:16:05 · answer #5 · answered by kbrearley2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like its the parent issue; about taking the ring off and hiding the fact he is gay. I'm hoping you can get past that issue. If and when he is ready to come out to his parents, I hope you stand by his decision whatever way it goes. Only he knows how his parents will react and whether or not they should know or not. If everything else is going good in the relationship, I wouldn't worry about things. As long as you can trust him and know that he loves you, that's all that matters. All the rest can be worked on if the relationship is strong.
2007-02-12 04:14:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-05 07:47:40 · answer #7 · answered by greenland 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say it's not a time-line question. It's a "What do you want from life" question. You might need to cut your losses if what you want is long-term forever and ever, and he wants to stay in the closet as long as possible. Or if he isn't sure about you.
We didn't do a ring ceremnony, but we certainly know & love each other's family. And we cut-off any ugly hate filled republican family members. Together. I wouldn't waste too much time if he is just 'dating' and you are some secret indulgence. Screw being "The mistress"!!!
2007-02-12 07:12:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are choosing a very strange line in the sand to have a battle over...a ring ceremony? NOT worth the time or money it takes to have one. You either love eachother or you don't . You do not need "Straight" trappings to prove to anyone you have so much worth you have someone else at your side...silly concept. I advise coming off this at once, or you just may loose the best thing you have....very silly, indeed.
2007-02-12 05:05:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't worry about the ring just take the relationship one step at a time your living togeather now thats a big enough step if this keeps working out he will eventually where the ring. don't take it too personality
2007-02-12 04:03:08 · answer #10 · answered by takedtheman 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋