How do you deal wtih an ex husband who no longer considers his son a priority? It has only been ten months since he left to be with another woman. Two months ago he moved in with this woman. Our son had issues with the situation - he is only 8 and things changed too quickly for him. So, he lives with me and sees his father every other weekend. The problem is my ex seems to come up with reasons to bring him home early all the time. I know this hurts my son and I do not know what to do about it anymore. I try and make the best of the situation by telling him that I am glad to have the extra time with him. I know if I bring this up with my ex it will start an argument and I am tired of arguing with that guy. We do not argue in from of our son and I do not say anything negative about my ex either. I am just frustrated. This guy went from being a full time father to almost nothing. All his choice. What do I do?
2007-02-12 03:48:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sorry for you and your son - what he did and is doing is rotten! But - it sounds like you are making an amazing effort to do your best with the situation. Unfortunatley, your ex is missing out and he doesn't realize that YET. You can't make him do anything! It's so hard I am sure to watch the pain he is causing your son - but you are doing all you can do. Keep it up as hard as it may be - be the bigger person. Love your son and care for him - nurture him to be a good man...and he will be one day. Keep up the good work mom.
2007-02-12 03:56:04 · answer #1 · answered by Amy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This guy is playing you all.
If he left one woman (you) he will leave everyother woman too. He thinks he doesn't need his son but when things go belly up for him he'll come crawling back.
Obviously it is not good for your son and you have had enough to worry about.
The next time your ex comes home early tell him that you are moving. Anywhere. If you could get out of the state / county for a while, maybe stay with a friend or family. He will realise that he doesn't want you to take his son away and he will do all he can to get him back. Then you can tell him to be the boys father or else you'll move for good.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
2007-02-12 03:56:05 · answer #2 · answered by specs appeal 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
write your ex a letter telling him that your son is upset and confused and hurt by the LACK of time spent with him, and that you are open to him being more involved, perhaps during the week, each Wednesday, or whatever, he could pick up son and take him to his soccer practice, etc. Tell him that it hurts you so badly to see your son hurt like this. What else can you do? You can't make him be a better father, and perhaps he was only a full time father by default, by simply being around he appeared more interested? Just keep the positive attitude and reassure your son the best you can.
2007-02-12 04:04:35 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to sit him down and have a heart to heart talk on the phone or alone. Tell him that his son loves him so much but is very upset about you separating. Tell him that his son needs to know from him that is wasn't his fault that mom and dad are not together. Ask your x to please be kind and just talk and play with the kid like he used to. I think your x is upset because the child reminds him of your relationship. His son just needs him to know that he loves him and will always be there when he needs him. Children are very understanding and could he please, try not to show how much he is hurting to your son. Does he want your son to grown up hating his father because he doesn't talk to him? Tell him that you do not want this to happen and that his son really needs him now more than ever and every time he brings him home early it makes him feel unloved and then he will have more emotional problems thinking that his dad doesn't care about him. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to understand how a child thinks. Ask him just to love him and give him the opportunity to love him back. A kind word goes really far with a child. Tell him to please find a way to enjoy his son or he will end up hating him and that is not something anyone wants. Take care Heather
2007-02-12 04:04:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. Until the "newness" wears off from the current flame...it probably won't be any better. Keeping the peace in front of your son is the right, adult way to handle this relationship. You will just have to be there for your son until his dad gets his act together. I would however have a talk with the ex and let him know that he is harming a future relationship with his son by doing the things he is doing. Kids are smart.....he may have resentment towards his father forever if something is not done.
2007-02-12 03:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by saved_by_grace 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand your frustration..the only thing you can do is be there for your son..unfortunately you cant make his dad spend more time with his son..i don't understand how some men can be that way..my son's father has met him once when he was a baby and now he's 11 yrs old..and has a lot of questions that i cant answer..i just let him know and show him that i am here for him no matter what..that's all you can do. hopefully his father will come back around but for now all you can do is listen to him and be there..Good Luck
2007-02-12 04:01:39 · answer #6 · answered by Bad Mood 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's nothing you can ignore and hope things will automatically change. He needs to consider your sons feelings. I personally think it's best to not take him at all if your son returns disappointed and heartbroken all the time. He needs to be responsible for your sons sake. If you must argue about it, than do so, just not in your sons presence. Come to a conclusion of whether he wants to be a part time father, or nothing at all.
2007-02-12 03:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by kz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would try to talk to your ex first, who cares if he gets angry
this is about your son's well being. Then, I would find things
your son loves to do and plan those things for him in place
of the time he would normally spend with your husband
There are some great groups too, like big brothers, big sisters
I would get your son involved in group activities
2007-02-12 03:53:18 · answer #8 · answered by Laura G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nothing you can really do, forcing the man to take the kid will not help anything. Just be there for your son in his time of need, but dont put down the father to your son, your son does not need to feel like this is his fault at all!
2007-02-12 03:52:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing. My daughter is 13 so it is actually easier because she sees it for what it is- his error. I wish there were magic words but there are none. All you can do is continue being a great mom and your son will grow up fine because he knows he is loved by you. His issues with his father are something they will have to deal with together. there really is nothing you can do.
2007-02-12 04:01:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋