this is another poem i wrote for my dad when i was 10
Creation begun,
In the centre of the earth,
The sun once shone,
When there came the first birth!
Now I think you wonder
Who that first person was,
The one who brought thunder
When he was cross!
Can you believe that the first person who existed,
Was my daddy, who learnt the ways of humanity,
All though all his words were jumbled and twisted,
Oh yes this was the start of what we now call insanity!
This was not the end for I still had to come,
Daddy met this woman
Who I call my mum!
I was born in a cave,
All my toys were rocks,
Oh yes my daddy was brave,
When there came the first ox!
I looked around and found some mud,
I heard a deep voice,
Which I knew was God,
Saying mummy you have made a very bad choice.
You ate the plum,
On the tree of evil,
Now look what you’ve done,
You made the world more civil.
if you have any poems i would love to hear them
2007-02-12 03:38:38 · 8 answers · asked by Pastinie 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
why is everyone so mean about my poem it took ages to write
2007-02-12 04:19:17 · update #1
You should consider creating an account at Edit Red (http://www.editred.com), an online writing community. You can upload your writing and have other people comment on it, and you can also comment on others' work. It's really fun!
If you wrote this well at age ten, what can you do now?
2007-02-12 04:34:44 · answer #1 · answered by Gen•X•er (I love zombies!) 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay, sure here it goes...
Oh God
let all lovers be content
give them happy endings
let their lives be celebrations
let their hearts dance in the fire of your love.
My sweetheart
you have aroused my passions, your touch has filled me with desire, I am no longer seperate from you.
These are precious moments
I beseech you
Don't let me wait
Let me merge with you.
I hope you like it.
jdrumi@yahoo.com
2007-02-12 11:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by jdluvsbooks 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
its really good for a 10 year old, and i like teh first verse best.
i really ought to write more cheeful poems. mine are all about death
2007-02-12 11:57:51 · answer #3 · answered by mouse 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it a good poem,you should keep it up and who knows what you can do.good work.
2007-02-12 11:52:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's not so great
a couple of good ideas
2007-02-12 12:10:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's good for a ten year old.
2007-02-12 11:42:39 · answer #6 · answered by blueberry44 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That was wierd....you should go to www.poetry.com and submit it there!!
2007-02-12 11:47:57 · answer #7 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no its far too long i couldnt b bothered to read it :)
2007-02-12 11:42:59 · answer #8 · answered by maz_pop 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋