We've been married for almost 12 years. We have never been over active sexually. I have always wanted more, and she has always not really been interested. We have 2 kids, and after the second was born, sex came to a screeching halt. It's been about 3 years and I love my wife, but am frustrated. At this point, it's not a matter of spicing up our sexlife, it's a matter of finding the on switch and turning it on.
About 2 years ago I started hitting the gym 5 days a week. I fugured that I would eliminate her excuses. Well, I've gotten myself back into fantastic shape with excercise and diet. I look and feel great, but she's still just not interested.
At times, it feels like the stress of everyday life has gotten in the way. We live a pretty good life, get out without the kids from time to time, but I don't even bother asking anymore because I know the answer. I would never in a million years consider leaving her for this reason, but any other advice is welcome!
Thanks,
EZ
2007-02-12 03:19:46 · 24 answers · asked by ezrider_2005 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You might want to see a marriage counselor or sex therapist. It isn't healthy for a married couple to go 3 years without any.
Your wife may be depressed. I wouldn't let the situation continue for too much longer.
Good luck!
2007-02-12 03:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tired talking to her about this? Sex is important in a marriage, it should be a priority. The next time you are alone have a talk with her. Let her know what is on your mind and how you feel. Yes, maybe the stress has overwhelmed her... and this happens. Maybe she feels like she has too much responsibility and sex is the last thing on her mind. When you say she is not interested, how are you bringing this on? Are you making this romantic... or in the middle of something and just trying to pound her? Maybe buy her something sexy to wear and send her out to the spa (just her). A day at the spa will help her stress (hopefully) and then maybe you can talk to her then. You really need to find out what's on her mind.... Maybe after you hit the gym and your body has changed she feels ashamed of hers? I don't know.... Communication is key here. Pick her brain. I'm sure it is not YOU... Maybe there is a book you can buy to give you some more info about this and ideas. Until then, good luck and I hope you get your sex life back.
2007-02-12 03:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by ♥eLizAbEtH♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife is the one without the sex drive issue your time at the gym was only for yourself. Good job getting your body in shape by the way. You are inspiring me.
Obviously you are not the issue. It is she. My ex-wife was the same way. We have been apart for 6 years and she still haven't had sex at all. She says she is quite fine with the status quo and don't need sex in her life. But this was my case and yours may be different.
You only hope is straight up communication with your wife. You need to get to the bottom of her lacking sex drive. Make her real safe in sharing her true feelings. Let her know your love her and the relationship is fine. Tell her and mean it, you are purely invest in helping her. You can't solve a problem not identified. Talking is the only way to understanding.
2007-02-12 03:39:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you went to the gym to look and feel great, but what about her? With the two pregnancies, does she still look and feel great. Exercise is a natural stimulant.. for Valentine's day, buy her a 3 month pass to a gym. Tuck it into some candy . With exercise, a lot of that stress and anxiety about everyday life just melts away and a better sexual attitude just might be what she needs. That means you'll be with kids for an hour, but it just might rejuvinate your wife and your marriage.
2007-02-12 03:39:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried toys, or role playing? How about getting a bunch or rose petals and putting them on your bed, lighting candles etc. Try talking about your fantasies with each other.This next suggestion might not be for everyone, have you tried watching porn together? Sounds like the excitement is just not there. My husband and I have been together for 15 yrs, we are always doing little things to make it exciting. We have toys, we watch porn together occasionally, and we talk about our fantasies (even if they dont involve each other). I'm sure I'll get a lot of critics saying mean things, but the fact is that after 15yrs our sex life is still explosive. Good Luck.
2007-02-12 03:28:02 · answer #5 · answered by Tatts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK you should buy some sex toys
or one of them sex games like the pink cards are romantic and the blue cards are naughty you cam also try some role playing like shes the nurse and u the sick pashent (sorry dont know how 2 spell) u can also buy some porn seeing what people r doing may interest u in some new ideas try giving her a massage light the room with candles
hope it helps
2007-02-12 03:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing that you don't mention is whether she is in love with you, and is still attracted to you. From what yous say, I don't see it. Without that component in a relationship you tend to flounder and that this what is happening now.
Why she has no interest in sex is a subject you and she have to talk about. Is she in good health, is she depressed--there may be a host of factors and you have to find out what they are and as a loving husband and partner see if there is a resolution. It may be that she does not like her body and does not feel worthy of the attention you want to give it. Tread lightly there as women tend to accuse you of lying especially when you are telling the truth
Best of luck.
2007-02-12 03:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying taking her out on a date. Set her up where she has a day for herself where she can go to the spa and stuff like that. She must not feel very good about herself. After she is more relaxed, take her out. You have to make her feel special. There is no on and off switch when it comes to women sexual drive. You need to be romantic or do some kind of four play first.
2007-02-12 03:24:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it's been 3 years since ya'll had sex? Geeez. How does she feel about herself? Maybe she needs to hit the gym. Having 2 kids, I could imagine, change a woman's body. It takes hard work to get it back. Why don't you just come out and ask her? At least you will be honest. Hopefully, she will too.
2007-02-12 03:31:13 · answer #9 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. seem like we are in the same situation. We have been married 13 years and its me who wants sex all the time. Not saying he doesn't give it to me, but not as often as id like. "wink". Anyway. Your right maybe its hormonal for her, or emotional. How old is she? I know that stress and life can get in the way, but for her to not want to ever is strange. If you love her id discuss it w/her, whatever you do dont stop trying, until she says to. Hate to bring this up but could she be getting something elsewhere? Good. Luck. email or im me if ya like.....just another thought. You said you had been hitting the gym and getting in better shape. what about her? what kind of shape is she in? Maybe she feels intimidated by you. Maybe she thinks now that you are in shape you are stepping out of the marriage and she is afraid to be intimate with you.
2007-02-12 03:26:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋