2007-02-12 03:15:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I konw exactly how you feel. Its been almost 2 year sand still i can cry when thinking about it. we still argur when i can't kick teh thoughts away. I feel like i can't move past becaus ei don't know all about it. my father in law tells me that detaisl mak eit worse. but key words here are we. we are still togother and i am trying to get over it. I just don't know how to feel? betrayed, abandoned, not enough, missing something what? thats why i can't get over it. Okay i can forgive him but what was it that made him go else where? He'll never do it agian, but he told me he'd never do it period. it's hard i know, but once you trithfully say i forgive you than you can work on getting past this. believe m ei know how deep and fresh teh wounds feel each and every day no matter how long its been.
2007-02-12 03:44:04 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs.Vick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from. My soon to be husband cheated on me a couple of years ago and I found it so hard to trust what he said to me. The key is to take it slow and the most important thing is don't hold it over his head. The reason I say this is because while you think you are getting to him you are really getting to you too. Its a way to keep you both living in the past and if that occurs you will never be able to trust him again. Its just not healthy to live on our mistakes of the past no matter how much they hurt. You need to talk to him about it and let him know that its not going to be easy for either of you. Trust is a process and once it is broken it needs to start all over again!
2007-02-12 11:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by Samantha A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard and different for everyone who goes through it. Some people are just able to forgive and forget and others bury it deep down inside and refer to it everytime they get scared. But let me say one thing, and its totally just my opinion. You both took vows, you both meant them. For better or for worse. Ask him, if you both can talk about it in an adult fashion without fighting, what he thought was wrong in the relationship at the time that he did this. What was he lacking from you? ( I am not saying this is your fault. Not at all) What can you two do to change this? Where can you go from here? Explain how you feel, without pointing fingers, no name calling, no yelling, use "I feel.." statements, try to make it work. How about you two start over with a clean slate, because after all tomorrow is a new day right? I know how hard it can be, and I know the feeling of wondering everytime your man walks out the door, but you have to get back to where you two were when you took your vows. Go away for a weekend, take a vacation, rekindle your relationship, and most of all, tell eachother you love eachother every day. Good luck, and I hope in some way I helped you, if not I apologize for spouting off lol.
2007-02-12 11:42:07 · answer #3 · answered by brandywine840213 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is about learning to let go. Do you hang onto every wrong that was ever committed against you? Probably not, otherwise you would be mad at pretty much everybody you have ever known. This is a big issue though and it will take some time to get over. You need to look beyond his cheating and focus on the things about him that you loved when you first got married. If you look at him and focus on the hurt that he caused you then you are locking yourself into feeling mad about it and at him for the rest of your life. I would hope that you didn't stay with him so that you could torture him and yourself about the affair from now till he or you dies. I would hope that you stayed with him because of the love that you feel for him. You should try to think of some of the negative things you would have in your life if you and he were not together then think about the positive things that you get from being together. Those are the things that you need to focus on to be able to let go of your hurt.
2007-02-12 11:34:46 · answer #4 · answered by J J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're still with him and he hasn't cheated since then - it seems that the lesson was learned on his part and that perhaps you need to learn to trust yourself to trust him. If you can't do that then you will always have a psychological "block" when it comes to his action from 4 years ago. However, burn me once shame on you - burn me twice, shame on me.
2007-02-12 11:20:14 · answer #5 · answered by Cdub 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if after 4 years u still do not trust him...then maybe it is time for u to move on...some people can never get over being cheated upon.. quite possibly u are on of them
2007-02-12 11:43:50 · answer #6 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If after 4 years you still haven't learned to trust him, I don't know how you can.
2007-02-12 11:17:40 · answer #7 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
im trying to answer that question myself my wife cheated on me 4 months ago i love her but im having trouble letting go of what she did everyone tells me in time you will trust again but i dont think i ever will
2007-02-12 14:53:43 · answer #8 · answered by demorider2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly in my book thats something i dont think i could ever give back to him. but u need to listen to what ure heart tells you. also sit down with him and see how he feels if he just get annoyed or wont answer questions i wouldnt trust him. youd be better off with out him. u deserve to b with someone who is loyal and honest with you. my mom always told me once a cheater always a cheater. i wish you the best of luck
2007-02-12 11:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by ferrari76x 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he has to show u that he has improved, if my husband cheated on me i would never trust him again, it would take a loong time for me to regain trust for him.
2007-02-12 11:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋