How do I find support when I am losing my baby?

Question

I am pregnant with a child that I recently found out has multiple anomalies all pointing toward a chromosomal abnormality and the doctor told me my baby won't make it. I have lots of emotions and am not quite certain how to deal with them all. I am mourning this
baby. I have my mom and a very supportive husband but he is dealing with this differently than I am. We know a lot of people who are pregnant and I am afraid I will be sad around their babies. Our neighbor is pregant, my sister in law, and a few friends. I am currently 12 weeks.

Please don't respond with, "make sure to get a second opinion" as this is the second. Also no disrespect but please don't respond with anti-abortion statements. I don't need that. To everybody else, thank you so much for all the kind words.

Answer 1

I am so sorry you are dealing with this
the pain does not go away, it will get easier
just take one say at the time
and everyone deal with it the different
just had a similar situation in the end of Nov/DEC I almost die after the D&C it been 2 months and I still grief and my husband cry when he sees someone with a baby or pregnant
we avoid pregnant woman, he used to be angry when he sees a pregnant woman but now he cries
I in the other hand just cry (at the begining I was angry but I ask God for forgiveness because I know it happen for a reason)
So pray and let your emotions go, if you need to scream DO if you need to cry DO
because no matter how much support you are giving only you knows your pain
but if you can talk about it and listen to others that had similar experience it will help
I read and beleive that every pregancy that did not make it to full term was a soul that needed to come back for a purpose for just an amoung of time
and I also look at my friend that have handicap children
children that will never walk and do anything for themselves
and I realized that God maybe in his wisdom knows that I am not equipt to deal with a child that will have that kind of needs so he stop the pregnancy form making it to full term
I also realized that all of these are excuses but they make me feel better to think about it like this
Good luck & God bless

Answer 2

I am so sorry. I lost one 3 years ago and it is hard, especially when there are babies all around you. My husband handled it differently than I did. It is very stressful and painful. I was lucky, I had a friend who lost a baby that I talked to. Also, someone else I knew lost one the same way I did. I had a lot of love and support, and a daughter who gave me something to do.
If none of these links help, let me know. I lost mine in an ectopic pregnancy, but I will listen and still understand where you are coming from. Sometimes all you need is an ear, especially one who truly understands.

Answer 3

God bless you and keep you! I am feeling for you. I have dealt with a similar situation. But, baby did not fully form and I miscarried at 11 weeks. I now have a very healthy 2 year old.

The first thing you need to do is find a support group if your husband is not dealing with this in the same way your are. Communicate with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling. You both have to continue to communicate through this.

Second, depending on how the baby is affected you could consider organ donation after the baby is born.

I have seen many families faced with situations in which their baby will not survive after birth and they choose to donate their babies organs to give life to other children. This way your child is actually "living" by helping others.

I will be praying for you and your family. May God hold you tight in his arms and carry you through this!

Answer 4

well u have to make urself strong and face the fact,u must be thankull to god that u have detected the problem early just think how bad u might have felt if u would have given birth and baby not able to survive,
even i had to face the same emotional torture when i was due my friends and one or two cousins were also due but all the babies are fine and mine didn't make it,so this is something that has to be faced with courage not by loosing it u can try again after 6 month or so

Answer 5

Sorry that this is happening to you. Ask your doctor for a local support group in your area. You will probably be very sad around pregnant women and babies but that's totally normal. Good luck.

Answer 6

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I lost a baby girl to Turner's syndrome at 11 wks along. It was very difficult to deal with and I even gave myself a mini stroke over it. I prayed alot and come to peace with the fact that she would have had a difficult life if she would have made it through the pregnancy. They had to do a DNC on me and I asked if I could see her.. which was awful, but it really did help me. I really wish I could tell you that it will be ok.. but it takes time. Nobody will be able to understand as well as you. I am praying for you. I am truely sorry.

Answer 7

Im so sorry. I had a mc at 13wks due to chromosomal problems. It's hard im not going to lie. being around other pregnant women are depressing. I had mine in sep of 06. If you want to talk im me. And my husband reacted diff to. but everyone has there ways of grieving. Just know you can get pregnant agian i am 10wks now and im just as scared as befor but you will have another baby is this one doesn't make it i pray for you and rem god is there even though you may not know why this is happening to you. Mc due to c a is not uncommon look at me. its mostly because its your first pregnancy. or bad luck.

Answer 8

Have you gotten a second opinion just to make sure your not going through this grief for nothing? I was told my second son had problems, and may be down syndrome and was even asked if I wanted to have an abortion!. Which I couldnt believe they asked me that..but anyways, My son was born perfectly fine and was 100% healthy. He is now 7 and great. Some times doctors are not always right. I know I dont know your situation or the details at all, but this is just my thought.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry :( ask your doctors to put you in contact with a support group i felt the same as you when i lost my baby at 20 weeks there was baby's pregnant woman every were i found this website http://www.babythomas.co.uk/memorials this really helped me

Answer 10

There is no worse feeling than losing a baby. It's normal to be sad around other people's babies. They'll have what you almost had. If they don't understand that it's on them. Take your time and when you feel you can be around their babies and not burst into tears then go see it. You'll be sad whenever you see abaies but it'll get easier everyday.