I have a tendency to critize people more often than to accept them as they are. Till now it didn't bother me so much but I can see there is something wrong. I don't have many friends.
Can I change it?
2007-02-12 02:57:53 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There is an old belief that when you don't like something about someone else, it is because you see something that you either don't like about yourself or that you are fearful of becoming. Being critical of others can be a major downfall for you and I'm sure that is probably why you don't have a lot of friends.
Many people believe that if you put people down all the time, that when their back is turned, odds are that you will be putting them down as well. Can you change that behavior? Of course you can! Will you? I guess that depends on how much you care about how others view you and how you feel about who you truly are underneath the "public" you.
In my 56 years on this planet, I have yet to meet a perfect person. We all have our own flaws and shortcomings on which to focus and try to correct. If you truly have that much time to pick others apart, try turning the focus on yourself. When we turn our attention on our own "back yard" and accept the fact that we, too, are imperfect, we find that there really isn't a whole lot of time left in our own lives to be critical of others.
I hope for your happiness that you can find compassion for others that you find less than perfect. Maybe you should try befriending these folks. You will find that they share the same needs, hopes, and dreams as any one else. You may even learn to accept and love yourself more in the process.
Try to always remeber that most people will go out of their way to avoid negative people. I'll bet you will end up with a greater sense of contentment with your life and a larger group of friends if you try it!
Good luck to you! Annie
2007-02-12 03:24:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can change a lot of things of your own behavior, and your life. In fact there's the only real thing that is in your hands, since you cannot change any other person but your self.
So, i believe you can change it, is good to start by noticing that is something that doesn't help you in life, that does not give you any gains but lost, and that's a good thing that you accept that fact.
In the first place you'll have to try hard to look at the people who is close to you, the people you have to relate every day, and make an exercise of looking of a couple of aspects of all of them wich are good and that you can even tell, and maybe even write it down, so you remember (because it seems is dificult to you to put them before the bad things).
And yes, try to tell them, whenever you can, tell them. It can be casual, like -"hey, that's a nice blouse", or "i really like the way you talk to the clients".
You will have to extend this exercise to the people you see less often, everytime you go to a party, reunion, or someplace, try to do the exercise before.
And wenever you see your self saying something bad, you can correct by sayins, sorry, i didn't mean it. I really think that way, but I respect your ideas, positions, or lifestyles.
Good luck and i really admire your disposicion to work on your own in order to become a better person.
2007-02-12 03:25:20 · answer #2 · answered by Popocatepetl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i used be critical person and then i relised it was doing me no good! From a psychology viewpoint, i think it is a defense mechanism for the ego! It is like a sub conscious wall you put up because you fear gettin close to people and so push them away or tell urself you don't like them to avoid rejection. It s great theroy - if you don't like them in the first place then it won't matter either way!
Jus open up a bit more, u'd be surprised what good you can find in people and the thing is when it comes to friendships or any relationship you have to let the bad in with the good!
2007-02-12 03:23:29 · answer #3 · answered by dollymixture 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friends are highly over rated darling... All it is is mutual using and false security found in those who are like us. I prefer enemies... You learn more from them!
And nothing wrong with noticing things as they are... It is in the judgment of them, whereby calling things negative, that you are in error.
Buy a book about Buddhism... It will teach you to meditate properly and you'll realize what ugliness actually is and how very much of life is all in our heads anyway.
and remember... Everyone does it! The fact that you have a conscience about it, makes you a better person than you might think considering.
2007-02-12 03:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, When you are around someone, find one good thing and tell them about it. For example a girl is wearing a very unflattering skirt and sweater
your normal reaction.............(answer) now same girl same out fit but she has done her hair and has this green ribbon in her hair which bring out the green in her eyes. Now ignoring the outfit and say Judy your eyes are sparkling (shining, Glowing) today it has to be the ribbon in your hair.
Then keep on going. The next day or the next person you do the same. There is at least one good thing in all of us and it is up to you to find it. Then use it to build a friendship not destroy. GL
2007-02-12 03:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by lakelover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might just be a bit depressed or insecure? WHy not chat with a friend or your doc? Im sure you arent a bad person, so dont be too hard on yourself!You might also have been let down in the past and this is a defense mechanism? Good luck , dont be too upset!
2007-02-12 03:06:27 · answer #6 · answered by brunelscooby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well recognising this flaw is a start; I always say that vanity is the root of al evils, so perhaps you are on the mend.
Someone mentioned it might be depression, i would tend to agree with them in part, so seek help before it eats away at you and people start seeing you as being ugly due to a character flaw.
2007-02-12 03:13:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have answered your own question why not many friends, and if you study Psychology as i do this is what you find doing, but a little differant try to see the good side of people and bring your imagination back to reality and this will do the trick.
Remember if you are thinking the worse in people they probaly doing the same . HORRID THOUGHT.!
2007-02-12 20:52:36 · answer #8 · answered by SAMANTHA H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like you have issues with your own self image and self esteem.We can often mirror these faults we see in ourselves onto other people, making ourselves feel better.You have to begin with looking at yourself, accepting yourself and trying to change the things youre not happy with. When you truly like the person you are,youll no longer feel the need to judge others.Try seeing the good in people instead of dwelling on the negative. This will in turn reflect back on you and draw more people into your life.What we give out comes back to us, whether its thoughts, words or actions.Good luck
2007-02-13 22:55:43 · answer #9 · answered by Ramona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the nature of your personality, if you have a strong self-control you can easily be optimistic, if not then you need to practise being optimistic in every situation. Think of every thing you've seen or been through, and try to look for the posative side of each one, until you get used to it.
Good luck
2007-02-12 03:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋