what is the best way to deal with a 12 yearold girl talks back like you wouldn't believe, cheeky, doesn't lisd

Question

what is the best way to deal with a 12 yearold girl, talks back like you wouldn't believe, cheeky, doesn't listen at all, does her own thing, have had it out with her and she says she likes me and I dont bother her, she is driving a wedge between her mother and me to the point of I am about to walk out, can you help anyone, we have tried talking, then grounding (that is just another word in her extensive vocabulary.
any help would be great.

I would like to add that the child is not my own, and I have tried to talk to her rather than blowimng up as someone said lol. tried every avenue I can imagine I think.

also we have both sat her down and talked calmly and told her how she is making all of us feel but as we talk, ity basically goes in one ear and out the other, its all just pure attitude all the time ?????

and to add to insult, my girlfriend has just ungrounded her because she cant be bothered with all the rowing, I think this totally undermines what we were trying to tell her and instill in her, but thats us back right to the beginning again by the looks of things :-(

Answer 1

I had the same problem with my little boy at one time, I was sitting around the house one day watching tv and saw someone talking about how you would go about correcting a kid for this situation. I took the advice of one of the doctors that was on the show. It really works! He said to take EVERYTHING from the childs room, except the top matress from the bed, and the bedding. Then after you have completely stripped the room, that is where they stay to think about what they have been doing, and their attitude. They have to earn everything back. But I can tell you from experience. As long as your wife in not standing behind you on everything that you do with the child, NOTHING is going to help. She has to agree with the punishment, and not get mad when you say something to the child. Otherwise, there is no hope.

Answer 2

My 12 year old (now 17) was the most difficult girl to raise from the time she began to crawl. Similarly she made her step-father's life a living nightmare. Still to this day she will argue with him about the same things she will automatically do for me. Things do get easier as they mature. We didn't put her in boot camp or send her off to some juvenile home, we just kept telling her she was loved and exactly how she was making us feel. She still drove us crazy and acted like an insane child, but she now lives on her own, attends school, and works part time. She values the love and patience we gave her and I believe she is going to be just fine. Taking away things she valued the most at the time (such as video games, etc.) seemed to be the most efficient. My experience has led me to believe that slapping her mouth or any other type of punishment along this line, only gives the child a reason to be angry, and the point of the punishment is lost.

Answer 3

Why would you detect it surprising? that's 2009 no longer 1909 for heaven's sake! All docs now agree that masturbation is a splendidly favourite, organic and healthful interest. a brilliant proportion of human beings masturbate (over ninety% a minimum of) and that's common to attain this from an exceedingly youthful age. From the 1800s appropriate as much as the Fifties or so, there replace right into a ordinary uptightness approximately masturbation and it replace into theory to be risky, yet that view is particularly previous. a lot of human beings grew up very sexually repressed and broken via fact of those attitudes and it certainly should not be imposed on right this moment's toddlers.

Answer 4

See life from her point of view.
The adult world doesn't make a lot of sense sometimes - everyone saying "don't do as I do, do I dictate."
I don't believe in the expert's opinions that you can't be a friend to your child. I want my child to know she always seek my advice & I wont blow up at her ever!
I also believe you can offer advice, but it doesn't mean they have to take it.
All you can do, is try avoid confrontations, make it a new house rule not to shout, have a weekly meeting so everyone can say how they are feeling & hopefully find a solution, & don't bite, when / if you are called rude names - just smile & say "I love you too!" & mean that, so that you don't add to the hysteria.
OK?
Oh, & grounding in my experience doesn't work, cos they want & deserve to have some freedom yeh, so come up with another reward & punishment system EG. giving / stopping something else they like.

Answer 5

Its so difficult and it sounds like she is manipulating you both. You have to remain calm as shouting doesnt achieve anything and she can then see that you have no control. You have to show her you are in control and that you can either make her life pleasant or unpleasant and that its down to her at the end of the day. Sometimes shock tactics work. You have to build up trust and respect so try and give her a little more freedom so that she then appreciates it and feels a sense of loss when it is taken away from her.

Answer 6

i do feel for u i`ve been through the same thing and nearly killed my girl but knew it waset the rite road to go down . u both have to sit her down and tell her how she is making u both feel , and ask her what it is she wants . see if u can start talking about things instead of getting into a slagging match, but let her know u 2 r the boss and what u say is what goes , stick to talking with a clam voice , keep at it , it works good luck i know i shed a few tears b 4 it all comes together.

Answer 7

Have you tried to talk to her as you would an adult?
Rather than "having it out" with her and all tempers flared.Why don't you sit her down and calmly tell her, she is upsetting you and hurting your feelings.Tell her you care for her very much and you love her mother too.
Ask how she would feel if her best friend spoke badly to her.
I do believe in trying to reason with someone, rather than lay down the law. who knows maybe this may help.

Answer 8

Ya, sounds like a twelve year old...It does get worse over the next 3-4 years. But then overnight it will fix itself...here in about four years.

Answer 9

How would your parents of handled it had you done the same thing when you were 12?

Answer 10

leave the mother, I know what 12 year old girls can be like x