Why cant I accept that I cannot control other people's lives. They can be in or out of my life and...?

Question

...I cannot have control over this.

I am talking about relations about private life.

I got bound to people in my life emotionally a lot.

I mean people come and go from my life and I cannot do anything. They move on with their lives successfully. But I am left behind sad and lonely.

Answer 1

I don't want to make any assumptions about how you want to control others lives, but I can tell you my personal perspective.

Over the years, I've found that it's just a fact of life that people come and go... some relationships last only a short while... some last all your life... some people will invest a lot of time and energy in you... some won't make the effort at all. I think the key to accepting this is to look at your relationships for what they are (be they long-term, short-term, effortful, effortless), and find the value in them as they are.

Answer 2

1. Get bound to yourself emotionally.

2. Get firmer control of your own life.

3. Take solace in the fact that nobody can really control others.

4. Set up an all-consuming, feasible life goal and focus entirely on that.

5. Try not to be judgmental about others and don't allow the possibility that others are being judgmental about you to interfere with your life.

Answer 3

It's true. You have absolutely no control over other people. You never have, and you never will. You may have some influence, but probably less than you think.

Why can't you accept this? Good question. Maybe you WANT to think you can control people so much that you believe it, even though the evidence is there that you can't. Maybe you WANT control so badly that you refuse to believe what is true. It's impossible to control people. Think about it! - they can't control you, can they? And it's not only futile to try, but they will always resent it and you'll ruin relationships.

When you've been hurt badly enough, maybe you'll finally give up and accept the obvious.

OR...you could accept that fact now, today. If you did, it would make a big difference in your relationships. Say it to yourself. "I can't control what people do." over and over. Think about it. Remind yourself of this when you forget and try to control others.

Good luck!

Answer 4

You CAN accept it, you are simply refusing to.

The sooner you focus more on your own life and let other's live theirs, the happier you will be.

You will be surprised at how free-ing it is to let go of others personal problems, and let them figure it out for themselves. If you have what you feel is good advice, fine, share it - ONCE. If your friends/loved ones take the advice and it improves their situation, GREAT. If they don't - and their situation does not improve or worsens - it's really not your problem or your business. They will have to learn for themselves what works in their lives - most people have to learn for themselves and make their own way.

Ultimately, when you try to control other folk's lives - you only distance yourself from them. And when you attempt to control their lives, it's a good indication that you don't have enough of a life. When you get busy living your own life in an active and fulfilled way, you will find that you have less time to try and control others.

Good luck and best wishes for greater understanding.

Answer 5

Obviously, you are controlling. But you also have bad decision me making skills. When you start getting close, that when you start controlling, you don't do it immediately. You start about 3-4 weeks after wards that way that person can gain trust in you. Once that has been achieved, you want to order the person the kinda beer you like. The kinda movie you like, the kinda food from a restaurant that you like. Once that person has learned of your behavior, they are out of there with a quickness. Controlling behavior can lead to an abusive personality if they do not go along with suggestions under your control.
Am I right?

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I feel the same way and it makes me feel very anxious. It's not that I want to control people, it's just that I have a problem with people coming into and out of my life. I need the steadiness of knowing that I won't lose them.

Answer 8

your lucky if you can control PART of your own life...Even people you think you know have a dr jeckel and mr hyde thing....some are worse than others and some fake it very well...but just when you think u know what is going on.Zap....learn to trust people but watch them....

Answer 9

cause u r a control freak.u need therapy

Answer 10

because you are a controlling B