Pregnant with my first baby...Advice?

Question

Hi. I'm pregnant with my first baby, living in the States and all my family are in Ireland (baby's father and I are no longer together, so no support there). Thing is, I'm really confident around babies (other people's) but I am absolutely terrified of my own!! Plus buying baby things is worrying! I'm worried in case I forget anything important to bring to the hospital, as I will be on my own (just moved from NY to TX so don't know anyone!)

I am quite financially stable,and am not worried about clothes or having enough to support my baby. It was a mutual separation between my baby's father and I and I do not have any intention to file for child support as he has expressed his wishes to have nothing to do with the baby. My main concerns are that I am not 'within my comfort zone' of being at home in Ireland with my friends and family around me for support. Thank you for all your answers and support, and Cassandra I would never in a million years consider giving my son up for adoption.

Answer 1

Dont worry about what Cassandra and Thomas J have said, they are uneducated idiots of todays society. There are alot of single parents who bring their children up in fantastic ways! Remeber the song "all we need is love" ? You already love your child cause if you didnt, you wouldnt be worrying!

What about trying to contact mothers to be in your area? Or anti natal classes? You mgith find that there are alot of people in your area who may be going through something similar.

If its any support to you, Im not feelingmaternal at all, not because there's something wrong with me but because I have been really sick throughout this pregnancy , I was hospitalized ect and it looks as though its going to continue..... but I knwo when I see my baby for the first time, i am going to become overwhelmed adn will do anything to protect my child as im sure you will too. But if not, dont feel guilty! You could possibly be going through some depression jsut now cause you are in a situation which you havent found yourself in before? If so, why not try and talk to your doc? Or calling Friends back in Eire?

If you ever need to chat, im me or email me. Im in Scotland but the internet can be a wonderful way of communication.

Good luck and dont beat yourself up about things....

For things to bring to the hospital, try a site like babyzone or mother care , pamapers ect... they usually have a check list available. I think which consists of some sleep suits for the baby, some pj's for you and personal hygiene things..... dont worry, you'll be just fine.

Answer 2

Please do not be upset by Cassandra's answer. It is harsh and inexcusable. Since we know very little about your personal circumstances, no one is entitled to tell you what to do with your baby. It is for you to decide.
The business of the clothes is obviously not because you want to dress your baby like a fashion icon, but because you are afraid of not having the right things.
You need not worry. The needs of a small baby are relatively small: a few babygrows, vests and packs of diapers are all you need at the outset, and barrier cream. Despite your isolation, you will find that people are kind and you will be given or sent other things. The hospital should give you a list anyhow, and even if you do not have all the things which are listed, it is not the end of the world.
Once you have your baby in your arms, the skills that you have acquired with other people's little ones will come into their own and you will get confident very quickly. Babies are quite tough: some have survived earthquakes in horrendous conditions.You will not drop your babe and a lot of child rearing is based on good sense.
By the way, it is OK to feed your baby in your bed, but you should never sleep with a small infant as you might roll over him or her , so ignore that piece of advice too.

I see that whilst I was writing this you added the fact that you were financially stable, so I will not go into how to cope with bare essentials.
With regard to the supposed harm done to a child by putting him or her in a nursery, I had no option than to go to work as my husband had become extremely ill and nearly died. Going to nursery was very good for my daughter: She was advanced for her age and socially very well integrated. She grew into a balanced and well adjusted teenager. There was never any doubt that she got all the love she needed despite the difficult circumstances.
Obviously your immediate concern is your own lack of friends or family since you are new to the area where you are. Is there absolutely no chance of a family member or a friend from home flying over and giving you moral support when your baby arrives?
One of your priorities should be to make friends locally. Are you not attending a pre-natal clinic where you meet other young women? My daughter was a stranger to the locality where she lived and she met her best friend in the hospital where she had her baby. They both had a daughter on the same day and the two girls are like sisters now.
Medical staff are very supportive and will help you through. Perhaps they can advise you about where you can get support locally, if you tell them your circumstances and your fears. But in any case life gives you strengths which you do not know you have until they are tested.

So do not worry, you will be OK. Take the good advice in the other posts and enjoy your baby. I hope he will give you a great deal of satisfaction. Keep your chin up, and good luck!

Answer 3

If you and the baby's father are no longer together, you need to file for child support. He needs to financially support his baby.

Just take a breath and relax. You will be fine. Just make a list of everything that you will need when you go to the hospital. Then, go ahead and pack your bag, that way you're not doing it in a rush and since you did it now, you won't miss anything.

Congrats! And good luck!

Answer 4

Cassandra has a lot of nerve telling you to give this baby up for adoption! I doubt she is even a mom.*sigh*

I have 4 children,ages7 through 16,and I was single when I had my 1st child,and you will be alright.A lot of the maternal instinct kicks in after the baby's birth.It will not be easy--but I wish you the best.Call a local hospital for new mom support groups.

Answer 5

I respect you for doing this alone. I don't know that I could. Just hang in there. Go on some sites and see what essentials you need and go buy what you need. See if there are any support groups around there for you. Do you not have any friends you can count on. I guess if you just moved, you may not. Take what ever you think you need to the hospital. If you have too much then who cares. Good luck.

Answer 6

Ok the first thing you should do is file for child support. It doesn't matter if the father says he wants nothing to do with it. That is completely wrong of him. Man should grow up and take responsiblity of their actions.

Second you should try and make friends. I would be thinking moving back to Ireland but that is not my choice. It's your choice to do what you want. But making friends where you are at would be good. I've seen a lot of single mothers and they do what ever they can to take care of their kids. So you should do it too.

Answer 7

when i was pregnant i was completely terrified of having my baby.......i was scared of even holding another person baby!!! Best thing of all is once the baby comes along you will start to see things in a different light and you will manage. As for forgetting something big for your baby..........Somewhere to sleep, car seat if you need one, Pram to get out and about or a sling to carry baby in..........and most of all the baby will need you.......you should also claim for child support from the father, go to the SSA(social security office) and enquire there, you will need financial support from somewhere. Dont worry about anything, as long as you have food and clothes for your baby, your baby will be perfectly happy...............and btw CONGRATS!!!!!!!

Answer 8

the best thing to do is to get one of those baby magazines that have a list already written inside of what you need to take to hospital with you. That's what I did, and although I had a pile of things I never used, I wasn't stuck without anything either. Please don't worry about how you will be with your baby, when it is born you will automatically know how to care for it in the best possible way. Congratulations on going to become a new mummy !

Answer 9

he does not have to have anything to do with the baby but he needs to pay for his child so sort that out and do not feel too proud. u will be a great mam we all feel that way on baby no 1 realise your strength. bring about 6 baby gros and vests to hosp. cellular blankets are a must have. just read ur preg mags and u be fine. also have support of a friend if u need it.

Answer 10

normall worrys that most people have as for the bag u take to the hospital u will need underwear sanetrywear clothes two pears of nightys one will need wen having baby then wont be able to use that one again and another incase u stop in toothpaste brush soap shampoo for a bath and baby clothes nappies as long as you remember all your stuff and baby clothes if u forget nappies the hospital suplies them if you for get as long as you have enough money for feeding him and keeping him dressed then all you need is love the best thing in your babys life is love