Sexless marriage after 4 years?

Question

I married my husband 4 years ago. He had 2 children from a previous marriage (ages 5 & 3) who he had custody of. I had been advised by friends and family NOT to marry this man. They felt he was looking for a "mother" for his children. I have 1 son who is in his teens (now in college) and my friends and family felt it would be a big responsibility to start over again raising another family. I loved him so much and our sex life was magical. I decided to take on the responsibility and marry him. I felt our love would conquer all. Now, 4 years later, my husband has lost interest in our marriage. He hasn't touched me in over a year. He has no desire for sex. Our marriage has become a living arrangement. I do the majority of the chores around the house including the laundry (which is mostly his and his kids). I even provide all the family's insurance through my job. I feel so alone. He hardly spends any time with me anymore. Am I being used?

I poured my heart out to him (again) this morning before he left for work. He says he doesn't have an answer for why he feels the way he does. He says he loves me but he just doesn't have a desire to have sex with me. I explained to him that I am feeling neglected and that things need to change. He kissed me on the cheek and walked out the door. I don't know what to make of this. Can you be married to someone and not have any physical contact?

Answer 1

Honey very few men in the world will go 1 year without sex. You
need to move on with your life and get the heck out of his life. He
has already moved on with his is my guess. You do deserve better than this and my goodness people pay good money to
get the "chores" done around the house. Life is way to short for you to sit around feeling lonely and to work for free??? Come on
You have to know that he obviously is using you. As far as the
kids go explain to them that you really care about them but you
and their dad just aren't doing to good together. Besides you
don't want them growing up thinking that it's okay to be in a relationship that has no feelings involved. Be true to yourself and
your son. You have already raised your son obviously pretty darn
well if he is in college so now its time for you to give back to yourself. Move on and enjoy the rest of your life. A FRESH START CAN START ANYTIME"

Answer 2

Sweetheart I'm so sorry but I think he's used you badly. And I think the fact that you're asking the question suggests that you already know the answer deep down.
I can't tell you what to do - you have to decide what is best for you, and then find the strength to do it.
You will find that whatever your family and friends said at the time, they will love you and want to support you now, so make sure you tell them what is happening once you've made your decision.
I find it interesting that you don't say what your relationship with his kids is like - I suspect he's kept them as "his kids" which will be another reason why you feel used - you are like an outsider to "his" family.
What you should be is his wife and his best friend, and the last thing you should feel in a marriage is lonely.
I wish you the strength to do what you need, and all the luck in the world for your future.

Answer 3

I would say you are being used and he will prob leave you once the kids are raised and you will be older and it will be harder to find someone. You would also of lost a lot of your time.

It is NOT normal for any man to go without sex for even a month yet alone 12 months. Unless he is on some meds that kills all sex drive. I would think he might be CHEATING as well as its not normal.

You deserve more. Sex isn't everything but if he isn't respecting your needs then it might be time to get a divorce. You are giving him alot and he isn't giving you anything back.

Find someone to love you the way you should be loved!

Answer 4

I'm almost scared to comment on this question, because I would hate to influence someone to leave a marriage. BUT, given the one sided case that you just presented to us, I would have to say that this marriage doesn't appear to be working out. There's a lot more to marriage than just having sex, but that's not to say that sex isn't an important part of the equation.

Are you being used? The only person that can answer that question is yourself. If you are giving a lot more to this marriage then you are receiving, I would say the answer is YES.

Here's my Dr. Phil, for the day... You are responsible for your own happiness. If you want this marriage to work, you need to start coming on to him, try counseling, or do whatever you need to do so that your needs get met. The more time that goes by without you being happy, the more time you have lost, and the more frustrated you become.

You owe it to yourself to find happiness, and nobody else can do this for you. I know it's easier said than done, but you absolutely have to find happiness, even if it means leaving your husband. If you are miserable then you owe it to yourself to do something to find happiness..

Answer 5

I man cannot live without sex. Is he getting it from someone else? Does he have a vow of celibacy . You may re-think this relationship and cut your loses and get out before you get any older and lose your interest in a relationship ever again.
OR
Go to a marriage counselor. If there is hope and he goes along agreeably then this marriage may have a chance. Speak up and be honest with him. What have you got to lose? Asking people in this format is not going to answer questions only he can answer.

Best to you!

Answer 6

I'm sorry Sweetie it sounds like you're being used to me. I'd wonder if he's sleeping with someone else, too. It's not normal for a man to not have sex for a year unless there's a health problem. I'd find out if he is even if I had to hire a private detective. You need to know what's going on. Either way I'd take a walk if I were you. Good luck

Answer 7

Try just giving him a few compliments... it is crazy... but men tend to respond to having their ego stroked... I find it hard to believe he was intersted in you sexually and then whamo it completely stopped... my point in mentioning that is that something else must be going on there... not necessarily an extra-marital affair... but I don't believe he isn't attracted to you anymore... there must be some resentment or anger that prevents him from feeling that way towards you... or perhaps he has another issue and is too imbarrased to talk to you about it (like E.D. Errectile Dysfunction)...

Lets say this... the situation sucks... what do you have to loose bye just talking to him... tell him how much you love him... and that you miss the sex you once had... see what he has to say...

Answer 8

Based on what you are saying, yes. Have you had a talk with him (I'm assuming you did, but I had to ask)? Have you considered counseling for you and/or your husband?
The bottom line, are you happy? If not, life is too short. There is a book called, The Secret. I haven't read it yet, but I intend on getting it very soon. You should get a copy, I was sold on the promo alone.

Answer 9

I really don't know what to say - I don't think you are being used. I think it is coming for things to become stale when in a long term relationship.
Have a really good chat with him, don't hold back but don't get personal in an insulting way. Just tell him what you've told us. It will take effort on both parts to repair that side of your relationship and when better to start that Valentine's Day?
Good luck :)

Answer 10

It certainly seems so. If I were you, I'd have a serious sit down with your husband and lay down some law. Tell him that you are not his mom nor are you anyone's housekeeper. Tell him that a marriage is about love and communication and not to mention team work and let's not forget SEX! If he isn't doing his part, its time for you to let go. As much it hurts, it easier to let go now then years later, when you've invested so much more time. And as much as you care abou these children, their not yours.


Take care!