Child after devorce and new affairs?

Question

I've been seeing this guy for months. He got devorced. Finally settled up in his own apartment. His 7-years old daughter stays with him. I've never met her. He asked me to come to his place the other night. The child was sleeping in her room. I stayed for the night. In the morning when I was leaving, he asked his daughter to stay in her room, so I wouldn't see her she wouldn't see me. I felt bad about that. He said (I thought for a joke) that her daughter doesn't want him to be with any woman other than her mom. I understand what child might feel when she sees me in the morning in her daddy's bed. But I don't wanna feel guilty each time I come to his place. What is your advice in this situation? Who's been there?

Answer 1

I'm a single dad with full custody. (2 boys, ages 8 and 5) I do not introduce them to ANY woman that I'm messing with. It's not good for kids, who are just trying to understand why their mom and dad aren't together to now try and figure out who these new people are. When I put a ring on another womans finger, then I'll introduce them to my children. You need to respect his decision, and help him with it. I would suggest you leave before his daughter gets up. That's what I have all mine do. I've dated some women for 5 months and they started pushing to meet my kids. When I told them it wasn't going to be until we were serious/engaged, they bailed. Good riddance. Our kids are more important and it's not healthy for them to see a new woman every couple of years or months.

Answer 2

Well first off the best way to avoid this is not to come over when the child is there. That was him being selfish. I have kept my dating separate from my time with my daughter. My daughter is now 13 and I separated when she just turn eleven. Parent first then dating.

The best way to introduce yourself is very short visits so the child can become comfortable. Never force a relationship onto children because their have their own minds and being force will tend to make you the enemy which is why things fail with step families in general.

Also, If you truly in love discuss the proper ways of introducing yourself with him. He is trying to find the right things to do and if you ask him and start communicating as a team it would help not only the both of you but will help with the kids accepting you in their lives.

Good Luck

Answer 3

one element you by no ability reported became no remember if or no longer you like your spouse. Do you? do you prefer the style of marriage? do you prefer your infants (boys you reported) to enhance up thinking that's what marriage is? there is not any reason to have self assurance she would be waiting to right away get the homestead and young infants, besides the indisputable fact that this is definitely achieveable. you have 2 alternatives: circulate to a marriage counsellor, together with her if she would be waiting to circulate, with out her if she would be waiting to no longer. See if there is something you may or would desire to do to maintain the marriage going. purely simply by fact she married you like this would not justify your strikes; people exchange, improve and improve over the years, and probably you haven't any longer finished sufficient of that. i'm no longer announcing you will desire to alter, yet a counsellor would want that should assist you spot if there are issues you may desire to paintings on. the different determination: circulate to a lawyer. See what your techniques are. there may be issues you're able to do to guard your sources. In Canada, the matrimonial homestead (the homestead(s) a husband and spouse share) are at an identical time and the two owned, so which you would be entitled to 0.5 of the cost of the homestead (in Canada, i'm valuable the US is comparable, uncertain the place you're). Your place would desire to no longer be as undesirable as you think of. in fact, possibly you will desire to circulate with the two alternatives: understanding the place you stand will help supply you self assurance, seeing a counsellor will help supply you attitude. It seems such as you have left each and each of the means in this relationship on your spouse's hands for a while, this is time you took administration of your guy or woman existence. stable success!

Answer 4

I commend your boyfriend for not introducing new women into his daughter's life.

I believe the love-life of divorced parents should be kept away from their children until it reaches a very serious level. Children become attached very easily - next thing you know this child starts thinking you are new mommy - they have enough to worry about already.

PLEASE honor his wishes. He is being a good father. It means we will probably also make a good husband. Hopefully.

Answer 5

i say your guy hasn't made his mind up whether u re permanent or just a fling. when he will know u re the one for him he will introduce u to his daughter. i have 3 kids myself, i wouldn't show just any man i am with to them. i would kick a man out at 5 am before kids wake up. so be grateful your man didn't kick u out while his daughter was sleeping

ps. and this man above me is telling u gold words. and i suggest u listen to the words of people with children, not useless childless loser women. of course u should put yourself first. but u will do that when he is wrapped around your finger. before that do not forget he may always suggest u go somewhere else and molest yourself cos he won't be available any more

Answer 6

Dont take offense he is being a good dad its a quality you should want in a man. He loes his child and wants to protect her from being hurt. Imagine how his daughter will feel if you two get close and then you and him break up ....take your time just focus on your relationship with him right now and if you two see yourself headed for marriage then its time to meet the little lady in his life. (smile)

Answer 7

ok, i have done this, i got divorced, and my sone stayed with me, if i would ever have a lady stay with me, expecialy overnight, i would not want my son to see her, becuase, i was not sure how i felt about the lady, i did not want my son to see a bunch of differant women staying with daddy. so untill i found the one, i would not introduce then to him, once i did, i introduced him to her, and now i have been married to her for 4 years. but the best way to find out is to ask him.

Answer 8

You have to put yourself first. First of all, it was rude of him not to introduce you to his daughter , and disrespectful, no matter how the child might feel this is the reality of the situation, and hiding the truth is even more painful. The child can be talked to and you can always warm the childs heart. Treat him like his treating you, and if you can't than bite your hand, and tell him how you feel, tell him that you would like to be put first in the relationship, and if not than tough luck for him , let him be in the company of his daughter until he turns grey, and than still hide the fact that he has moved on with his life after her mother.

Answer 9

Tell him he will have to tell his daughter. Please don't let the selfish pleasure of you two damge a little childs heart.

Put yourself in her shoes.....that man you are seeing needs to mature, step up, and respect his daugher.

It appears he has put his pleasure ahead of the value of his daugther.

I hope you think about this situation seriously.

Answer 10

RESPECT HIS PRIVACY AND WISHES WHEN IT COMES TO HIS DAUGHTER'S UPBRINGING.

WHEN THEY ARE BOTH READY, THEY WILL MAKE CHANGES. IT'S TOO SOON YET FOR HIM TO EXPECT HER TO ACCEPT OTHER WOMEN IN HIS LIFE.