My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married 8 years have 2 beautiful children and 3 step children (mine) He left because of the stress in our home due to the children's father seeming to run our home. He is not sure if he can come back. Things have changed in our home how can I make him see that if he is living with his mom and dad?...And he feels he don't have control of his own home since my first children are 17, and 16 the boys..he feels they rule the home....Please help...
2007-02-12 01:18:27 · 7 answers · asked by hurtalloveragainks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I tell him every day I love him and all he says is "I know"...I'm afraid if I stop telling him he will think I don't care. should I just leave him alone? Maybe he will miss me?..Maybe he wont..I don't know anymore...
2007-02-12 01:33:31 · update #1
He will know there has been a change when his step children agree to treat him with respect as head of the household. Their agreement should include THEM contacting your husband and stating their agreement to him face to face.
Until they are ready to do that and mean it, nothing has really changed. It's up to you to convince them.
2007-02-12 01:27:20 · answer #1 · answered by lunatic 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it would help if you invited him over a few times a week to
have dinner and watch some tv or play a game or something
would help him see the changes that have been made. You need to understand his feelings as well as the feelings of your
children. Its very hard having children that belong to someone else. I have a step daughter and 2 boys of my own (mine 18 and 17, his girl-10) He constantly tells me how perfect our relationship would be if it wasn't for the arguments we have over the children but I remind him that we don't live in a perfect world
and they are children in our relationship that depend on us to help
them grow and mature. I also have a family meeting once every
couple of months just to discuss "things" Maybe you could try
to have a meeting with just the kids and then one with him and the kids to explain the way all this is effecting you life's. The most
important thing is if you two really love each other make this work.
You also need to make sure you are giving you two "down time" as well. All relationships need "me" and "we" time. Good luck
and stay strong!!!
2007-02-12 09:32:57 · answer #2 · answered by Karen K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question is, if HE feels comfortable at your home or not.
Its not, how you see those things and what you think.
Waht matters, if HE thinks that those things changed.
Only way to figure out is to come over and see. Maybe an invitation for lunch or dinner with all the family & home members ?
I can imagine, that teengers are a pain. Well, I was sure a pain for my parents when I was 16, hehe. But thats a phasa in a parants live. I see how he just pick to run away, since its not his "bloos".
But what will he do, when his own children reach thath age ?
For me it sounds, like he just fled the problem. If thats his attitude, then he needs a kick in his ***.....but hey, I really dont know either of you, so hard to give suggestions.
2007-02-12 09:27:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, is he right about what he says is going on there?
The only way he is going to see that things have changed is to be shown. I dont see that happening here. You said he is not sure he can come back. Would you? 12 years is a long time to be with someone and now its gone. Didnt you know he was feeling this before it came to him leaving. The only thing i can say is talk to him. invite him over. dont push him into coming home, that causes resentment. he wants to make decisions, and he wasnt doing it while he was with you.
2007-02-12 09:27:14 · answer #4 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should keep trying it sounds like you really love your husband he just has issues with controlling things ..... Maybe you should try and see if he would be willing to get some marital help maybe all he needs is some one to tell him things can change but not overnight I hope you and your husband can work things out
2007-02-12 09:40:53 · answer #5 · answered by dlethcoe1978 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you let you boys rule the house, you have to tell your kids that you love them but they have to abide by your rules. Like most parent s I think you do not want to make you kids tow the line.
Just sit down your husband and talk over things and tell him that some corrections have been made.
But do not bend out of shape, if he wants to leave. You can not force anyone to love you
2007-02-12 09:23:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one. His underlying problem may be that he feels you're not listening and backing him up. I suggest counseling, since people 'front' problems to avoid spilling the real one.
2007-02-12 09:22:07 · answer #7 · answered by theangel1025 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋