I have a bit of a problem. It's not a huge one, but I'd like to get past it. A long time ago (maybe 15 years ago or more), I had a dream about my Dad. It wasn't a good one. In it he was...molesting me. Now I love my Dad and I have nothing but respect for him. I know he would never do anything like that to me. But right after the dream I started to feel uncomfortable around him. If I sat next to him on the couch...I'd sit at the other end and keep a pillow between us. If he went to hug me, I'd want to pull away and would as soon as I could without seeming rude. I would especially hate it when he'd kiss my cheek. On my wedding day (I'm divorced now...that's another story altogether) he kissed me on my mouth he said so as not to mess my make-up. I pulled away and tried to make it land on my cheek.
cont...
2007-02-12 01:08:28 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I know he didn't mean anything by it, but it bothered me. It's gotten a little better over the years, but I'm still bothered if he sits too close to me or tries to hug me. I'm not some rebellious teen. I'm 30 years old and it's really a problem because my Dad is a very affectionate person by nature. All my life I've always been a "Daddy's girl". (My mom died when I was young). Now that I'm an adult he and I are like good friends. I want it to stay that way, but I need to get over this dislike of being touched. What can I do?
2007-02-12 01:08:46 · update #1
Thank you all for your help. I'm so sorry to hear that Rockchick. Your very brave to admit that on here, ty
2007-02-12 01:18:53 · update #2
Thank you, Deutsch I appreciate it. I don't have kids and I can't. Plus...I've always been scared to have any. I was (physically) abused from the time I was 5 until I was about 11 or 12. My sister has kids and is a great mom, but I'm scared to
2007-02-12 01:21:52 · update #3
Ceajae-I'm only 30
2007-02-12 09:36:04 · update #4
hello M,
i'm sorry to hear about your worries.
it sounds like you are having long-standing worries that need to be addressed because it is affecting your relationship with your father and maybe other aspects of your life such as having children, and maybe trusting people generally? it sounds like you love your dad dearly and that he loves you with all his heart. it is natural for a father to be afectionate towards his daughter and to kiss her any time he likes - you are lucky to have such a good dad.
it sounds like you had a dream that may have expressed some of the deepest fears that you had about your life at that time - about whether you could trust the people around you. dreams have a habit of expressing our deepest fears, anxieties, hopes and our deepest emotions. it sounds like your dream took the subject of trust, and the person who was closest to you and combined them together. And at the age of 15 you would just be becoming sexually mature and this might have been a worrying factor in your life aswell and, maybe, you were unable to freely discuss these worries with your dad as you would with a mother. The hormones raging at this age would also bring a sexual element into any dreams that you were having. So the dream would have been a mish-mash of everything that was going on for you at the time. i would also say that at that age it would be very normal to have dreams with sexual content, and to have dreams with family members and sexual content is probably not unusual either.
did you say that you were physically abused as a child by somebody else in your life? i wasnt clear about that bit... if you were then you suffered a horrific and fearful experience that would have stayed with you for the rest of your life. i can imaging that it would affect the way you are able to trust people and the way you are able to receive affection. it sounds like you put up a barrier when you are offered affection, and i am not surprised. an experience such as physical abuse would affect a sensitve child in a big way. it sounds like you havent yet got rid of all of the demons relating to this experience.. and maybe its time that you addressed them.
i dont know where you would start.. you should seek professional help such as a therapist or a councellor. It might be a good idea to consult with a child abuse therapist because this might be what is still affecting you as an adult.
whether you bring all of this up with your dad or not is obviously your decision but bare in mind that he might not know how to help you. he might be upset (because he cares for you) because its been such an important issue for you for so many years.. and he might also find the whole thing a little disturbing and hard to deal with.. i would seek another way of dealing with it first, so that you dont end up having to support him when its you who is after support! But only you know what is right to say to your dad. I'm sure that you could talk to him about your past experiences and your present fears with out going into the details of your dream.
one last thing that i'd like to say to you is... please be very wary of anyone who tells you that this was not a dream or that it is a burried memory of something horrible that happened to you a long time ago.. if it's a fear of yours that it may not have been a dream then it is something that you need to address with a therapist aswell.. dreams are very complex things and so are our memories and the two can easily get confused.. but you need to be clear in your own mind what you believe to be true before you listen to anyone else or consider anyone else's ideas. I believe that we all know, deep down, where our own truths lay. So please dont allow yourself to get distracted with suggestions that bare no relation to your own truth.
take care and best of luck,
zag
addition:
12 feb 07
i have re-written some of the text to make it more helpful and clear.
2007-02-12 04:53:45 · answer #1 · answered by Zag 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know this can be a hard concept to grasp, but dreams don't really mean anything. They are caused by random electrical impulses generated in your brain stem. The images that go along with the dream are simply your brain's way of trying to make sense of the neural impulses. Unfortunately, sometimes things you are afraid of combine with actual memories and give you a picture that's not true and sometimes very disturbing. (Perhaps the day you had that dream you had seen on the news or heard about someone you knew being molested, and the recent thoughts of that combined with such a regular figure in your life- your dad.) Anyhow, I know how strange you must feel...I think most of us would be lying if we said that we didn't have a disturbing sexual dream at one point or another in our life. If it has been bothering you for this long, maybe therapy would help you move past it. Don't let anyone tell you that this is symbolic or that it is something that your subconscious wanted. This is absolutely untrue and there are some people out there that will try and tell you that!
Best Wishes!
2007-02-12 09:24:23 · answer #2 · answered by Monica 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I was molested by my dad once when I was 9. The ordeal lasted for a few hours and has haunted me ever since. He died 20 some years ago, but anyway, the behavior you describe fits mine exactly. I could never again be the same toward him and tried to avoid him as much as possible. You say, yours was a dream. If so, it certainly had a great impact on you. Have you ever asked him about it, or sought consel elsewhere? The danger of that is that often we are told we were molested when we were not. In your case however, I wonder if in fact you had been hurt. It is not good to go on feeling this way. I am surprised your father has not asked you what was wrong. He should have noticed that your behavior had changed. You don't have any kids now, but you have to find closure with this or you will have trouble leaving your future children with your dad. I will keep you in my prayers.
2007-02-12 09:17:26 · answer #3 · answered by VW 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's hard to believe that a dream (nightmare) that took place maybe 15 years ago could cause such intense feelings, altering your life well into your 30's. Denial can be so powerful, it can last a lifetime.
You need to talk with a qualified professional, you dislike being touched for a reason. Reach out for help so that you can have a happier, healthier life, and a trusting, warm relationship with someone in the future. You have to face the demons from your past in order to have a healthier, peaceful, more productive future. You can't continue running from what will not go away.
Wishing you well and happy.
2007-02-12 09:29:59 · answer #4 · answered by Ceajae 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
OMG- I have been in the exact situation you have (almost).
As I was very young, he physically abused my mom and brother, but he never touched me. I was Daddy's little girl too. I have had many dreams too like that. Recently he wanted to take my hubby and I out to dinner, but I do not want sit on the same side as him. I will make my my hubby sit next to him. I tell my dad that i want to look at him as we talk. After all, i am with two men I love. I am sitting with my daughter. He loves it when I say that.
(My parents are divorced if you haven't figured that out.)
He inherited a whole bunch of money so he thought that he could buy my forgiveness.
He needed to work on my mom more than me. Whenever we separate, he wants to kiss me goodbye, so I turn my head to where he could only kiss my cheek.
2007-02-12 09:22:35 · answer #5 · answered by izzitonme 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Seriously, it was a dream. When we dream about something specific in our lives, it doesn't mean what you think it means. It's not obvious what it means. You took it literally and have been living with this for 15 years. I had a dream the other night that I cheated on my boyfriend. Well, I obviously didn't cheat and I have no intentions to. Obviously, it meant something else.
As for the kissing on the lips, I kiss both my parents on the lips...I'm 38. I never thought anything of it. But, since this has been going on for 15 years and you still can't seem to let it go, I suggest therapy.
2007-02-12 09:14:00 · answer #6 · answered by Groovy 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Some people who feel the way you do have been molested. It may not have been just a dream you were having but a dream of reality. When you were to young to remember what happened to you and who touched you in the wrong way. I would go to a Psychiatrist and maybe get put under Hypnosis to find out what happen when you were young. I hope this helps and good luck.
2007-02-12 09:16:41 · answer #7 · answered by Cas813 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
i know this sounds just like what anyone else would say, but your best bet really is counseling. Hypnotherapy can sometimes be a good answer in the quest for answers about your subconscious, but it also can take things in your subconscious (like dreams...) and blow them out of proportion. See a family therapist, they will most likely be the best at being able to help you figure out what caused the dream in the first place.
There's always confronting your father, but it doesn't seem like you're quite ready for that yet.
2007-02-12 09:14:38 · answer #8 · answered by Some Lady 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hi,
I dont think this can be answered in a few sentence. Well this thinking came to ur mind when you were young. ie some bad thinking is written in your mind and this should be erased. Always remember that a Father is a Father and not anyone else. (Even though i dont know his nature--there may be exceptional cases).. As your mother has passed away, you have to say this directly to your dad. This will make sense and he wont repeat(Hope so). There is nothing wrong in this, dont think that this will hurt him. Then ur personal life, marriage was a failure, so i request you to have a review of ur life. Were you a good daughter, wife. Should you correct somewere in ur life..Hope this ans helps you to get rid of ur prob atleast to some extend.
2007-02-12 09:37:28 · answer #9 · answered by The Ablest Navigator 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
M the best thing to do is go to a psychanalist or a psychologist.They will help you get over this kind of ''phobia''.
2007-02-12 09:16:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋