I'm paranoid...help!?

Question

I've got the most fantastic boyfriend, he is loving and caring and we have been together for 2 years. He works away so i only get to see him once every 2-3 months. We speak every night on the phone an now on the internet too. I know that he would never cheat on me or get anywhere close to it, But there's someone very close to me who fancies him an its really gettin me down! She constantly askes questions about him. We all went on holiday together last year and she was all over him, and it wasn't only me who noticed it...my parents did too! Now i cant bare the thought of her being anywhere near or speaking to him! Because i know that she is trying to take him away from me, it wont happen but its just the thought of her trying wich is winding me! Ihave spoken to my boyfriend about it, and understands how i feel, but he thinks its that i dont trust him ...I know i need to get over this, an its ok people just telling me to get over it an stop being stupid, but its much harder than that!

An the person is my cousin by the way so i its so much harder to talk to her about it.
At one point we were very close...but then all this started to happen and i have been trying to distant myself from her, but really hard to do when she is in my family!
And she is with someone now, but is also cheating on him with her ex. She jus dont care

And i do trust my boyfriend...its her i dont! i no he wouldn't do anything...but i dont want her to keep trying

Answer 1

It's not paranoia - you have been given reason to be concerned by the way this floozy is acting, and your family noticed it too. She's a cheeky witch by the sound of it.

Don't give her any clues that suggest to her that you are less than 100% confident. Definitely don't have a shared holiday again and avoid any events where you know she's going to turn up. Ask your own family to have a news blackout - no crumbs of news about him, or your relationship with him, must go her way. Treat this as a battle - you will be the winner.

Answer 2

You have something so beautiful going on that you feel insecure, though I know your bf is always assuring you. And isnt that great ? You trust him, but you dont trust this girl whoever it is, therefore you feel she could get all over him, but would he allow himself for that ? I doubt very much. You have been 2 years together...you should be knowing a lot more than even doubting this, until there is some clear evidence in front of you. I also feel that you havent really told this girl that he is all yours. I mean, why werent you sitting close to him, or doing things with him during the holiday ? Just ot make it obvious to her, you should. Whever she is around, and talking about him, agree with her and talk about all the good times you and your boyfreinds had. I mean, I think you should overdo it a bit. I am sure you know how. Just over do it, talk a lot about him to her, say how special he is, and how special he thinks you are, better yet, show a ring he's given you as some sort of an engagement, and tell her when you'd be getting married, and how much you want her to come.....you think you could do that ?? Do that, and smile away. Sometimes you have to be wicked to bring some people with their feet on the ground....And you know what the more you do that, you'll find yourself enjoying it, yes, its wicked, but thats the only way you could ease over this situation and calm your feelings....and its not a revenge or anything because whatever it is you intend to say would be true right ?

good luck

Answer 3

When u take trips together don't invite her along or if she is a good friend talk to her and ask her intentions on your man and let her know how you two really feel about each other and keep her hands off and if she is any kind of friend she will back off.
New relationships always get shaky when a friend has roaming hands and rushing fingers and the only way this will get better is if you ALL sit down and talk about these feelings. Remind she is the friend you are the Girl Friend you need to back off.

Answer 4

I think you have every right to be worried, i would worry if your back was turned. Its good that you trust your boyfriend, but the other way round from her, you hear stories out there, had a bit to drink, got on like a house on fire, it happened etc. I think its your boyfriend that should tell your cousin to stay away, he should tell her that he has you in his life, and to stop flirting with him, if you say you and your boyfriend have spoke about this, if he sees the stress it is causing you, and that he loves you, he should tell your cousin to keep her distance. Even though you meet him once 2-3 months, she could be texting him, you should do something about it, you have every right, that cousin of yours should know her limit, and she is pushing herself out too far. I know you trust him, but if you don't do something about it, you may one-day say to yourself i wish i had done. It is nothing about being possessive, its just he is yours, if you are with your boyfriend and your cousin is there, be close to your boyfriend, and show her you guys are one. Good luck

Answer 5

if you did trust him 100% it wouldnt bother you.
The way I think about this is, if he was going to cheat, he would do it wether you were paranoid or not. So it does no good to taint your relationship by worrying.
If he is gonna cheat then it's better that you find out about it then you can get rid of him! But as it sounds like he is a good guy, he will probably be honest with you and you should RELAX!
You only have control over what YOU do. So as long as you are being a good person there is nothing more you can do!

Answer 6

#1---you are smart to be concerned.
#2---she is a friend that you more than likely need to let go or put a distance between you, your boyfriend, family and her. It may be difficult and I'm not saying to be mean about it (at first--she just may find others to hang with and her life may and should take another direction).
#3---you don't need to discuss this with your boyfriend. Unless, it actually becomes an issue...which if you distance yourself from this woman, there shouldn't be.
#4---she is not being a 'friend'. She is openly being selfish, mean, and a skank.
#5---we must always be aware of others angling in on our men, not in an overly peranoid sense, but in a common sense. You can trust your man, which you should. But---this woman may, at some point, potentially find a weak moment (YEARS DOWN THE ROAD) and horn in...giving him opportunity to make a grave mistake--we all can fall prey to this...don't misunderstand me. It is in being smart and distancing ourselves from people like this, that is the wisest thing to do. She is trouble with a capital "T". Find a friend you can trust; find a friend that holds the same values of respect in other's relationships as you do.
#6---you are not paranoid. You sensed it...your parents sensed it and verified it.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:
In regard to your additional commentaries, then it is time to take a stand. You can talk about your boyfriend to her...but, you have every right to make it ultimately CLEAR to her--in a calm and serious voice and face...that your boyfriend is, under no uncertain terms, off limits to her. "You are not to f*ck my boyfriend." "Don't hang on my boyfriend." "My boyfriend is mine, not yours." Don't say please. State a fact. You can talk about the good times that you have with your boyfriend, as much as she asks about him. That is fine.

If she doesn't behave in an appropriate manner around your boyfriend...you have every right to tell her to back off and that she is to hang all over someone else. You may have to literally get in her face about it.

If your boyfriend has a problem with this...he tells you that you don't trust him...you tell him it is HER that you don't trust...and then ask him why he doesn't see her actions as inappropriate? (we know that they are)....if he gets "angry" with you...gets "pissed"...then it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship that you have with him, for he is condoning and wanting her to do this. That's not cool.

You can still distance yourself from your cousin, as much as possible. She may be a relative, and some relatives are friends and friendly, but she isn't your friend or being friendly. She is being too 'friendly' to your boyfriend. If she "doesn't care", then she won't care about losing you as a relative-friend.

Answer 7

You only see him every 2 or 3 months? Get over your obsession with this guy and find yourself a local boyfriend. I don't buy the fact that he isn't messing around on you either, If he's not dead, then he is at least looking...

Answer 8

I find the more people tell me not to worry the more I do.First step tell themyou do not want there advice harsh but needed to be said unless you are asking them.You have the advantage you know what your friend is up to.I would not keep going on about it to your boyfriend as you might drive him away.Think positive he his with you & 2 years is a long time so its obvious he loves you.Try to focus on you & him.Good Luck

Answer 9

Id tell her what u think about it! If she your friend then she should'nt be flirting with him anyway!

If it was me... id tell her how i felt about the situation, it can go one of two ways...

1. She didnt realise that she was doing anything and didnt mean to upset you or make u feel like this.

OR

2. She will pretend that shes sorry and that she dosent want you to feel the way u are feeling but then as soon as ur backs turned she'l be exactly the same!

If its the latter personally id knock the ***** out!!!

Hope this helped!

Answer 10

I'm afraid your boyfriend is right , you don't trust him. Now what you need to do is find out what it was that he did or didn't do that made you feel this mistrust towards him. It's
either that or you are lacking in self esteem and self confidence and it is manifesting itself in the form of paranoia
that your friend will steal your boyfriend away from you.