Was I being unreasonable?

Question

I had previously seen a dvd film and told him so..and all I just wanted was for us to watch something different together as I had been out alot over the weekend.

He insisted on watching it he knew what time I was coming home!
so I went upstairs all evening and read, then fell asleep..in the other room..I did ask him if he would watch it another evening when I wasn't there. No I want to see it now. Is he selfish or what?

Answer 1

This is an argument borne out of stubborness and pride which can be abrasive on a relationship.

If you allow your ego to be present in a relationship, then the relationship will become dysfunctional and almost certainly doomed fail.

The ego perceives itself as a separate entity, a fragmented being completely alone in the universe and it will try to attack, defend, be right, make the other egos wrong or lower. All of this drama stems from the ego's fear of death, of annihalation. If the ego does not stick up for itself or prove the other person wrong, or get it's own way it will seem to die and this cannot be tolerated.

Allowing your ego to die is the most spiritual experience and the best thing that can happen in your life.

You should have watched the DVD with him or just accepted that he wanted to watch his dvd that night and done something else which you did but there should be no complaint. What does it matter? Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

If it is something more serious that will adversely affect your life you should refuse or object verbally but this will come from a deeper place beyond ego and there will be no attack, no defense.

You will just be stating your case. I am not saying submit to his every desire, you should do one of either three things - accept / accept and change / remove yourself from the situation.

Eventually with the death of your ego in the relationship, his own ego will also gradually dissolvew as it finds no opposing force and so the relationship will become a kind of nirvana, a heaven on earth, an egoless bliss - you will be experiencing true love and not the love of ego - which is false and used for selfish purposes, to fill the void or the emptiness which your ego basically is made of - Which is why it is so consuming, it needs and that is its only function……….it just needs.

Imagine life without this need…….I can confirm.....it is pure joy, even in the most dire tragedies that happen in my life, I never suffer, never feel pain.

Answer 2

This is the big issue in your life?

Donate some time to a charity with people who have real problems.

Okay anyway - you *deliberately* went upstairs and read ALL EVENING - your words, then fell asleep. You did it on purpose. Some mystical force did not float you upstairs and then keep you there.

What you were doing is called being "passive-aggressive". You didn't come out and confront him and fight, you "oops went upstairs and oops read all night until you oops fell asleep so you oops wouldn't have to watch the dvd so you could oops get your way." You were passive in your resistance and aggression.

Next time just try the grown-up approach. Tell him "i am not going to watch it tonight - if you can wait to see it I will watch it on Saturday. If you can't wait enjoy it now and I am going to go upstairs and read." Now it's out in the open and everyone knows where you stand without you having to slink around and be a little conniving game playing witch about it.

Answer 3

I would say that yes, he is a little selfish. But to be honest, if that is all you have to worry about in your relationship then you are one of the lucky ones! Life is just too short to waste time falling out over a DVD. What is one of you were to have an accident tomorrow - how would you feel to know you had fallen out over something so small. Go and have a cuddle, make up and watch another DVD together.

Answer 4

I dont think he was necessarily being selfish. Some people dont always think logically and when they get their heads into wanting to do something they just do it. Next time he wants to watch a film that you have seen, go upstairs, get dressed into something sexy, come back downstairs and stand in front of the TV while he is trying to watch it. Let him choose to watch the film or drag you to the bedroom, you know which he will choose! Dont fall out over it, lifes too short!

Answer 5

Ur both being kinda silly but there is a point there for both of u too. He should have waited and you should not blow this out of proportion. Since time is limited maybe you could have compromised on a time to watch it together. Maybe you could have been home more and he could have waited. it is kinda hard to tell based on the info but remember relationships are 50/50 better when 100/100 but thats rare. Also don't sweat the small stuff. You will figure that one out when u are older trust me. I am 24 but I learned it early people say.

Answer 6

Personally I don't think she has any right to tell you no way to anything! It's your child! You were being more than reasonable to try to accommodate her when you didn't have to and she doesn't want to compromise so put him in daycare for that day and Grandma will have to get over it. It's a nice offer but not really. She is doing it for selfish reasons not to help you out since she knows it will cost you more money then daycare to drive there and back twice the day she watches him. Plus gas is going up so it's only going to get more expensive. I would say thanks for the offer but we are going to stick with his daycare. It's more economical for us right now. Explain that it's an hour round trip and back so two hours of driving when you can just drop him off a few minutes away and currently cost the same as his daycare for gas plus there is no guarantee that the price of gas won't go up while your daycare will stay the same.

Answer 7

It does not really matter that you have seen the dvd does it. You probably felt like he was ignoring you and you got angry because he was not doing as you told him to.
I think you should just have sat next to him, or you should have put your head on his lap or shoulder and just be with him. It was pretty childish and a sort of cut of your nose to spite your face moment spending the whole evening in your room when you two could still have cuddled up and been together. Bet you felt sorry you wasted your evening:)))

Answer 8

The problem here is a matter of ego.
He wanted one thing. You wanted something different. Conflict arose when neither party got what they wanted and was not prepared to back down. You are as much at fault as he.
Our egos are the ugliest part of our minds. It is the "I" in each thought we have. Ego is the entity created by desire. Desire is always in the mind, desire is its nature, desire is me and you. If you sit quietly and watch carefully as your thoughts arise you will see this is true and perhaps gain self awareness.
Self awareness will bring you freedom from desire.
Then you won't care if you have to watch a dvd a second time. So what! I need not be in conflict about it. I can be free of what my mind is telling me. I can choose differently.
Freedom from desire is freedom from conflict because one sees that here, right now, in this moment is all I ever need. I AM alive. It is wondrous. It is magical.

Answer 9

if you've seen it and he hasn't what's the big deal. you sound like a big baby...wahhh you didnt get to watch what you wanted to watch. at least you guys could have spent time together, it shouldnt have been about a dumb movie. You could always rent another movie yourself to watch another night...He might have been selfish, but you should have been the bigger person. Unless it was like a porn or something, what's the harm of seeing it again, both of you made a big deal out of something so small, there are bigger problems in the world and in relationships, then pouting over watching a movie...both need to grow up

Answer 10

You are kidding, right? You are in a relationship where you hawk each other on every detail from what movie you want to watch to when and how....and use it as an excuse not to spend time together (after y ou've been OUT a lot).....wow....who cares about the movie... I think you are both playing power games...and the games goes something like...No, you pay attention to me first, no you do what I want first....and let me tell you from experience....there are no winners. Might be time to stop thinking about what can I GET from this and start thinking about what BOTH of you are willing to give.....