I am raising my fiance daughters. Their mother is very cold and selfish and tells her daughters?

Question

to "get over it" when they cry that they want to see her.
I find myself constantly have to console them(they are teenagers) wipe their tears and tell them that their mother does love them, but its getting harder to convey that. She rarely picks them up for visitation and chooses her bf and friends over seeing them. She is down to two overnights a month. They want to know shy she is acting so uncaring.
I feel like the are my daughters so its hard not to get emotional effected when I see them in pain. I have my own children as well and everyone blends beautifully. The girls are close to my fiance but cannot discuss their hurt with their mother with him, because they don't want him to get upset. I have tried to email their mother coming events involving her daughters and ask medical questions but she never answers me and when she does come to pick them up she avoids me although I always greet her kindly.
How do I get the mother to s

Answer 1

Continue what you are doing, from what you had written, you are not doing anything wrong, and neither are the children. The mother has issues and avoidance of the children will eventually will have the children not wanting to see their mother, but don't let that happen right away. Continue trying to contact their mother about the children, regarding school and health matters, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING this is important, trust me it might seem like it is not but in the end it will be. Keep a file on all visits and phone calls, and any contact or communication.

Hang in there the children are what matters most. what they learn from you and from their mother will be with them forever.
My prayers to you and your family.

Answer 2

Don't involve yourself in that drama! You are doing EXACTLY what you should be doing... giving those girls the support from a woman that will help them to understand their mothers indifference, at a later time in their life. They have you to look up to and see as their 'mom'. What they need is for you to focus solely on them. Don't bother calling mommy dearest and trying to create a bond for her and her daughters. Let HER ASK for the time.
Take the girls to the mall and go shopping.. have lunch, play video games, hit the music stores and enjoy having wonderful daughters that you didn't have to bear the pain of childbirth for!
You and the girls win. Some people are 'broken' and can't be fixed. Fix what you can... broken hearts and disappointments.

Answer 3

Those girls are very lucky to have you. I would just stop sending the mom emails. Don't include her anymore. If she says anything just tell her you've tried and you don't seem to care. I know it's hard on the girls but from now on I would just do everything I can with them to take minds off her and more onto what you guys are doing to teach them what family is supposed to be all about. Carry on with life. Put the mom on the back burner.

Answer 4

You don't.

This is an issue between your fiance and his ex-wife. If there are issues of health and safety for these children, those must be addressed by their custodial parents, not you.
Since you are not married to their father yet, you are quite a good friend to his daughters but not their stepmother yet. You are to be commended for helping them, but have reached the limit of what you can do.
If their mother has abandoned them in favor of her new lifestyle, you will not be able to contradict that fact any longer. It is what it is and your credibility will be questionable. Tell them the truth and let them deal with it. You are not doing them any favors when what you say is poorly aligned with what they experience. You need not bad-mouth the other woman, but she is the one to answer those questions, not you.

Answer 5

You don't, you need to stop trying to ask her mother questions because she most likely will not answer the mother is probably mad because her ex has custody of the girls, you should just tell the girls they will be ok and you will make sure of it, you should have a talk with your ex about taking visitation completly away from the mother if it is upsetting them, because the mother does not want to see them so much.

Answer 6

mabye this will help. my girlfriends family had a problem like this in tennesee. her grandma was taking care of her sone and daughter in laws kids. the daughter in law didnt care about the kids. finally. the grandma whent to her house and gave her a peace of her mind. she told did what she could do make that woman feel bad. she didnt hold anything back and she was prepared for a physical confrentation if it were to come along. she let her know that she was serious and what those kids could turn out to be with that kind of parental rejection. it worked for her. but remember. she didnt start anthing physics. she was just prepared for it........she was very stern in her words. she was not nice by any meens.

Answer 7

Well, she does not look or care after her daughters because you do. It's obvious.
When I was a child, the neighboring children picked up a dog with little puppies. The dog breastfed them. Every child picked up a puppy, made a little hut for them, and fed it with a bottle. Sometimes they get the mother to feed the puppies. In fours days the mother refused to come near them, or to recognize them. The children, thus, were left each with a puppy to bottle feed on their hands. They tried to caught the mother and to make her to feed the puppies but she ran away...
It's the same with you. You picked up other woman's children, started to look after them, feed them, comfort them. I think you did it to please your fiance. Now you are complaining about their mother. Of course she dropped them. Because you are doing all that she should have been doing. You give them love; it's left to her to be stern, that is all.
If you want her to care, give them back to her. Physically or emotionally.
Otherwise, what is your complaint about? It seems that you want to be kinda-mother to look good for your fiance and kinda-not .

Answer 8

alls i can say is thank god you are there for them girls i doubt you can do anything to help with the mothers coldness and selfishness keep up the good work the girls will need you

Answer 9

your fiance should say somthing to her about the pain she is causing the girls .all you can do is be their for them and be a good mother and love them .

Answer 10

you can't force her to love her own children. it is a blessing for those kids to have you in their life. so don't give up on them