he is in his 20s and spoke several times through email and phone for over a year now but is not ready to meet me
2007-02-12 00:17:29 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I've never meet my biological father, although Ive known about hI'm for 2years. Also in my 20s, it can be an emotional thing to do.
You can't just come back into his life now, and expect him to just come and meet you like your a long lost friend - there is doubt, sadness, confusion, hurt, rejection involved. (all situations are different)
You will meet together, but it will have to be on his terms, and you will have to learn to respect that. He is the most important person in this situation, and will make his decisions on how to take this process the best way he know how.
Consider what you are offering him... consider the 20 years you haven't been there for him and how he feels about it.
DON'T be selfish in this situation - Now he has the control over this situation, he will use it.
DON'T force him, it will send him running the other way.
Best of luck, im sure everything will work out fine in the future, it just takes time.
2007-02-12 00:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by ஐ♥PinkBoo - TTC #1♥ஐ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey I have been this kid! Just give it more time. Believe it or not but through email and talking on the phone, you are building a relationship somewhat. Talk more! When your son is comfortable he will come. Be patient, I know it may be hard but the more you talk now the easier it will be for both of you. Does he have to come far to meet you? Other things could come into play then. Just keep talking as much as ya can and be patient. Work on building a relationship now over email and the phone. In good time he will come forward. Best of luck to ya!
2007-02-12 00:37:56 · answer #2 · answered by Broadgonebiker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has spent the last 20 years wondering what you are like, if he is like you, if you would get on.... He is probably afraid that by meeting you, it will not live up to his expectations.
You need to give him the time and space to face meeting you. I'm sure you must be desperate to meet him but you cannot put pressure on him.
He has stayed in contact over the last year so he must want to stay in touch with you. Just let him do it on his terms, otherwise he may freeze you out completely.
Trust that he knows his own heart and he will know when the right time is.
Good luck and all the best to both of you.
2007-02-12 00:35:15 · answer #3 · answered by Ess-Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Eanjj
You obviously don't know, when the 'right' time, is... but...
HE DOES!
Let HIM tell YOU, when, & if ever, he is good & ready
Do not put too much pressure on him, & give him time to be more relaxed about meeting you, remember this is a difficult situation for him to come to terms with his mind might be all over the place.
Continue to talk in a positive way, let him know just who you are as a person & build his trust in you & let him know that your door is always open for him to come whenever he wants to.
Be patient...
that is the best you can do for now
2007-02-14 13:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by healer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant force him to do anything that he doesnt yet want to. Let him know that your door is always open and that you would love to see him when the time is right for him. I understand it must be hard for you but you need to accept that he may never be ready to meet you face to face. some counselling may help you deal with your personal issues. Keep in contact through email and phone
2007-02-12 00:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by thedaddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother abandoned me when I was two and my brother aged one. I am 40 so we were both born in the 60's - my mother was not a single parent (I know that often women had no choice at that time but to give their babies up) not so in my case, she was married to my wonderful father who luckily for us convinced the courts not to put us in a home and bought us up himself along with my adorable step mother whom he met later. I met my birth mother last year after a few letters. It was the most nerve racking experience I have ever had and I expect that your son is very apprehensive about meeting you - he is probably worried about what to do, how to act, what to say etc - he may be worried about getting upset in front of you. He may even have feelings of anger towards you - this is natural. You need to be patient - give him time and I am sure he will come round. Good luck. A very difficult situation from both perspectives.
2007-02-12 00:34:22 · answer #6 · answered by Bexs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first moves have been made.Leave it to him and be patient no matter how difficult it is.As long as he knows you are there he will be able to meet when the time is right.I know it's not easy but try not to push it too hard as you might put him off.I wish you every success.
2007-02-12 00:31:10 · answer #7 · answered by Xtine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a not uncommon response. He cannot know what to expect, therefore is naturally 'cagey'
Give him time, and, if need be, arrange to meet on neutral ground (and with a neutral 'third party' also, if that will help him); then move on from there, one step at a time.
I wish you well.
2007-02-12 00:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient and give him his time to come to terms with it all. Meeting your birth mother is a huge thing!
Email me at newromanticmum@yahoo.co.uk if you want to chat to someone who's been through this.
2007-02-12 04:45:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just need to let him know that would really like to met him and whenever he is ready he can. say u feel sad that u have already missed out so much on his life and would love be part of rest it! thats all you can do!
2007-02-12 00:26:10 · answer #10 · answered by dollymixture 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋