My husband tells me that now we are married im obliged to his daughter im married to him and her?

Question

im married for about 6months now and my husband has a 6 year old daughter,and i take care of her in terms of bathing,feeding all those sorts of things because she is living full time with us and her mother abondoned her when she was 3months never call
The thing is i never had a child and im that kind of a person who cant be playing,running around all those sorts with children but funny enough kids like me,and my husband new about that before we got married and he understood he said people are not the same,but now we are always fighting about that i dont love his daughter like a mother and he will never hav kids with me because he can see that i will treat my own different from his,
What i dont understand he wants me to do things that he is not even doing,he works few hours but he will force me to go with his daugter to the park while he is in the computer,the other day he ask me to take her to Saturdayclasses and i forgot he went on like if it was yours you were not gona forget,help

Answer 1

Sounds like the two of you didn't work out many of these issues before you got married. If you think about it, the real issue is that he wants you to raise the child while he wastes time. He's just using your "uncaring" behavior as an excuse to behave badly. Until you are able to really confront the REAL issues, you're going to continue to be stuck.

Answer 2

Look its a dicey situation and everyone is caught in the middle. From different perspectives its easy to see what each party is going through.

You are newly married and have been left with the huge responsibility of caring for someone else's infant child. At this stage most newly married women are settling into their new role of wife, into a new place, family etc. To top it off, this is a full time job that most natural mothers would find their patience getting thin because raising a baby is the hardest job on earth.

Your husband must be confused and torn between his love for you and his duty towards his only child. If you look at it his way not only did the mother abandon their kid but now he has to struggle with someone new to care for it and its making him ragged raw with emotions. How would he feel if he too turned his back on her after her mother did as well? All said and done a child is a responsibility and he has to father that duty. But its not right that he confront, argue and accuse you of not doing a good job when the original parent has gone missing. Anything you do after she dumped her mess and ran deserves five stars! And he should acknowledge that and appreciate your efforts!

The baby, bless its heart, is blameless. It doesnt know anything and its lost its strongest ally, its mom.

Maybe if you could do this job, this very hard job, with full love and devotion, that your new hubby could see you putting in an effort, it would reward itself with the child's love for you. But you HAVE to sit your hubby down and tell him that his nasty comments are just demoralising and he should cut it out. In the whole world, his own wife left him and there's only you there, still pitching in. He NEEDS to appreciate that.

If you can improve this situation stick on. Are you ready to handle a small baby full time? Its not easy. If things dont improve with your hubby its time to rethink things.

Answer 3

Well, I understand how sensative a topic this must be for both you and him. I am writing to you from my own experience in the hope that I might educate you about this tyype of situation.

My name is Nate. I am a husband and step father of a beautiful 3 year old daughter. When I married my wife I understood a few key things. First, I was not just marrying Danielle (My Wife), I was also marrying her child. In accepting the vows of marriage, it is stated for better or worse. You need to understand that although he may not say it, that little kid needs you, just as much as you need him.

It is also apparent to me from your statement that he is quite the hypocrite. I would recommend either couseling or a quiet night where you specify no argueing, but rather a time for you two to reconnect and understand that you are both in this together.

I hope you are doing better than when you posted this question.
Take Care

Answer 4

maybe he was just looking for a mother for his daughter and now he's upset because you didn't turn out to be the person he wanted. some men are really uncomfortable doing things with their daughters. it's not that they're bad fathers, it's just that they don't know what to do with a girl. (they can't relate). i bet if she were a boy you wouldn't be having these issues.

the first thing you need to do is talk to him and tell him how you feel. actually, you should have done that before you got married, but it's too late for that now. anyway,if you can't come to agreement on how to handle raising his child, you may have to part ways. this is not something that should be compromised because all it's going to do is build up resentment and ruin the relationship. good luck.

Answer 5

Well when you married him you accepted him and his daughter, i am not saying you should do everything he also needs to get his priorities straight and take on the responsibility of helping to raise his daughter..Instead of being on the computer he should be doing things with his child, you should plan family outings so you both can be together with her as a family i am sure the daughter needs a mother figure in her life, the little girl is school age and sshe is in school all day so you don't have it that bad..

Answer 6

I feel sorry for the little girl, she does need a mother and since there is not one that is willing to be one she will suffer. But at the same time it sounds like instead of wanting someone to be a mother for her , he was looking for someone to take over so that he didn't have to be a dad. He needs to be there and do things too. He should be going to the park with you. He should be taking her to classes. Not everything should be your responsibility. This will only make you resent her and push her away. Tell him that you wil be a mother to her only if he is a father to her. Do not put everything on your plate. Maybe this is why her mother left.

Answer 7

You cant suddenly love someone elses child or have any desire to act the same as a mother. I have children and I have nephews and nieces, I would like to play with my children but have no real desire to play with the others but I can take care of them. It is something that cant happen overnight, it will develop in its own way, I think he is being too demanding and expecting you to feel the same way about her as he does. He has the advantage of being there from the birth and being her father.

I left my son on the bus once, had to pick him up from the police.

Answer 8

how long did you "date" before you married him?
didn't you 2 talk about family together with his daughter. didn't you spend anytime with his daughter while you dated him?
why would you marry someone without talking about child discipline and taking care of your family "together". doing things together.
she is just a child. and you and her father are her role models that she is getting opinions of how life works and how men and women get along and how a family works together.
sit down with him and talk about this calmly.
do some things together as a family-the 3 of you together.
does he believe in traditional roles of husband and wife? like he works and you stay home and take care of children and house.
and yes, when you marry a person that already has a child that child becomes PART of your responsibility too but he needs to have time alone with her too-like to the park.
unless he don't want you to see what he is doing on the computer.
need to have a heart to heart talk with him, now.

Answer 9

Even though He knew you didnt really like getting active with kids, you need to understand That He has a kid . When you married him, you not only married him, but you married his daughter. Dont be selfish, can you imagine what that little girl is feeling? HER own mother left her when she was young, all Your husband wants is for you (the love of his life) to be the mother of his child. Thats not alot to ask, your being selfish. She needs a mom, and you should have thought about it before you got married.

Answer 10

This is a question you should have asked before you chose to marry him. The most important person in this question is an innocent little girl and the constant fighting your talking about can't be good for her. Try to talk to your husband about it openly. If the two of you can't find a middle ground it may be that this marriage isn't going to work out.