How do we get a resolution without creating resntment towards each other. He says his reasons for not having another one is that our boys are already so much older now why start over. I dont think six and eight are that large of an age differance from a newborn. I don't want to sneak or trap him into one by plotting or scheming so please dont respond with that garbage. Just want to know how to convince him to agree. I really want a girl and I understand that there is a 50/50 chance I'll get another boy, that's a chance I am willing to take. Either way this would be my last attempt.
I am 31 he's 34.
we have two boys now, 6 & 8 we can more than afford another.
excellent benefits- could stay home a year and still recieve salary or go right back to work when I wanted to .
2007-02-11 23:40:32 · 16 answers · asked by bbdne4lyfe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good Lord, you obviously had answers from 12 year olds - who else would think 31 was too old to have kids!!
The only suggestion i can give is to sit down with your OH away from home and your kids and talk this out like adults. By that i mean he should try to see your point of view and you his. I think the age difference thing is not important to him, it's the starting over with baby again that he's concerned about - and he may be concerned for your sake as well - remember the sleepless nights and the washing?!
Try and look at each others reasons logically and calmly - remember you love each other and PLEASE try not to see this as a battle - you are both already winners as you have each other and two lovely boys. If you can add another baby to that, fabulous, but if not, accept the gifts you have in your life and be happy!
2007-02-12 01:33:09 · answer #1 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to try and be certain what your husband's biggest concern is - if it is the financial aspect maybe you could try to show him the budget/expenses that a new baby would bring - if you can show him how little it would affect your finances (hopefully this is the case anyway!) then maybe that would help with his concerns. Then you can work on explaining to him how very much this would mean to you and how you can't see not having one more baby. Maybe if you also discuss having permanent birth control put in place after this baby that will also reassure him that it really is just one last child.
Unfortunately, this is one situation where compromise isn't a great choice - you either have another baby or you don't. So it might seem like your husband is discounting your wishes, and he probably feels you are discounting his - hopefully a talk about the impact of another baby - instead of just the desire for another baby - would help sort things out.
I hope you and your husband can agree to have one more baby and you find the fulfillment you are seeking.
2007-02-12 00:02:14 · answer #2 · answered by schmoo_withazing 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am not sure if you can convince him. However if it is that important to you then I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. Remain calm and you just may get what you want. Be sure to tell him that this will be your last child and let him know that you would really love to have a little girl and that you are aware that there is a 50/50 chance that you may have a boy but it doesn't matter. Good luck
2007-02-11 23:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love this - "my husband doesn't want a child. I do. We need to decide. How can I have a child?"
What in the HELL kind of fair "decision" is that? You aren't even CONSIDERING his viewpoint. You dismiss him in one sentence, then go on at length about why *you* are right.
You've already made up your mind, sweetie, and I GUARANTEE you are going to "accidentally" get pregnant very soon. There's no doubt it will happen. Just inform him now you two will be having another kid, since you clearly think you get the last say on what happens to all the gametes in the household.
2007-02-12 00:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can see why he doesn't want to have another one. At 34, he will be 52 by the time the child would be 18. Maybe he just wants to be able to get your two kids through school and off to college and then be able to relax! If he really doesn't want to, you can't make him or convince him. Just tell him exactly how you feel and if he comes around, he comes around.
2007-02-11 23:44:52 · answer #5 · answered by His Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know of 2 different families that had the same problem, the wife wanted another child and the husband didn't. The child came and soon problems began. I watched my great nephew being ignored my his dad all his life. He didn't want another child they already had one, the younger child had all kinds of problems because of his dad's total lack of interest in him. He was wanted by his mom but she couldn't be a mom and dad both to him. He is grown now, but it saddens me to think of all the things that he missed out on and was denied just cause only one parent wanted him. the second is my own husband. he was married before they had a son, he didn't want anymore but his (then) wife had another, well they separated and divorced when she was 12. she spends no time with her dad, and in 5 yrs that we have been together when she is with her dad, she is not comfortable nor is he. they are strangers and neither seem to mind. He has paid child support and medical bills etc on her so there is no problems there. it just saddens me to see these 2 beautiful children ignored and the problems they have had cause one parent wasn't ready for another child. Personally i think you need to be happy with what you have and not have another til you know that the child to be is wanted by your hubby as much as you.. It's only right for the child to be wanted by both.
2007-02-12 01:08:09 · answer #6 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry, but you are going to have to concede on this one. it really doesn't matter if you can afford another child if both of you don't want it. in theory 6 years is not a long time between children. but have you thought about it from his point of view. you guys are finally starting to get your "pre kid life" back. the kids are a little older and less dependent on you. there's none of that up in the middle of the night feedings or just trying to get the baby to sleep. there's actually time for you guys to be a couple. and now that you're starting to get that time back, you want to have another baby. is this something that you previously talked about or is this just something you sprung on him?
talk to him and tell him how you feel. if that doesn't change his mind then you are going to have to let it go.
2007-02-12 00:13:46 · answer #7 · answered by fungirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that you would just like to try one more time to have a little girl and promise this is the last one. Talk to him about how much fun it is to watch them learn and grow & to have a baby in the house. I really hope you can work this out. Just don't push him into a decision, you don't want any resentment. Good luck.
2007-02-11 23:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Raising a child is such a big endeavor. Both parents need to want to raise a child, giving either one of them veto power of the venture. Until he too wants to raise another child that is that.
2007-02-12 01:01:10 · answer #9 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one will win this one. and your young boys know that mom and dad are arguing over this. even when they are not in the room.
no one will convince you that your husband is right or that you are right. no one will win. either side will resent the other for the reason.
there is no right answer here. cant make either of you change your point of view on this delicate issue.
2007-02-11 23:47:12 · answer #10 · answered by cats3inhouse 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋