About one month ago my husband of 4 years (dated for 8) said that he felt no passion for me anymore. I thought that it was something that we could work on together. Most recently, he has a hard time even "peck" kissing me or even to compliment me anymore. What did I do wrong. We have a 2 year old child. Last night I suggested a counselor to him and he agreed to it but said "I dont know if that will even work" Is my husband that out of love with me? He continues to tell me he loves me but he does not show it. He has swore to me that he is not involved with anyone but why else would someone change so much. I really want this to work with us and be happy in love. Am I too late? He said that he was raised to always stay in your marriage especially if kids are involved. I think that is totally wrong. If you dont care for someone, whats the point. I am still going to look into a counselor maybe it will better myself and self esteem. Any help!?
2007-02-11 23:29:23 · 10 answers · asked by iron sludge 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
go to counseling
for both of you there maybe an underlying issue
and like you said if you do go to counseling at least you will feel better
2007-02-11 23:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a 38 year old man married for 7 yrs (together 12). We have a child. I love my wife more today than yesterday, but she doesnt hold the same passion play over me the way she did over a decade ago. I never cheated. I know what your husband is going through.
Dont take what I say personally, but a serious problem deserves a serious answer.
My bet is he loves you, it is just he is changing--as is your relationship. The "mid life crisis" takes on many forms and strikes many ways. Marriage is more than lust and passion. Especially when kids are involved. It takes on a business element. That business element overwhelms some men. He leaves work, comes home, deals with a child, deals with you, deals with bills--it seems like it never ends.
Passion requires time and effort. He doesnt have it in him to juggle career, fragile child ego and yours. Not that you dont deserve attention and love, but he would rather watch a game, shut off and be left alone for those half hours he can steal, than work at another project. You bringing it up with talk of therapy and questions of if he cheats doesnt help. He needs you to leave him alone some days, just as much as you need him to bring you flowers and kiss your neck.
Drop the subject for a month and you'll get some passion back. However, if you are looking for a second courtship out of him--it isnt gonna happen.
2007-02-12 07:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by Graymin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bottom line you cant make someone love you.my husband and i went through something similar when we had our son all of a sudden he was the priority not each other.try and get someone to take your daughter and sit down and listen to what he has to say try the counselor but if the loves gone its gone.i think youre right in that 2 people shouldnt stay together for the child, you both deserve to be happy with someone who does love you.you sure theres no one else?if it,s a very sudden change in him i,d be suspicious.good luck
2007-02-12 07:37:45 · answer #3 · answered by smiler 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he really loves you, I think he fels forced to stay in the relationship with you because of kids, and maybe you should tell him up front even though it's hard that you can't deal with this anymore and you need hom t either care or leave. Maybe there might also be something going on in his life that ou don't know about
2007-02-12 07:36:27 · answer #4 · answered by aujanee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that yr husband doesnt love you that much as he used to...
I think that you didnt make his life interesting when he was next to you ...I think that because you had the safety of beeing married you forgot that you have to make him happy and you just didnt realise how important it is in a person to do something that is not boring...I think he wanted something new...And you didnt give that 'new thing' to him...I bet that you were only worried about yr child
Rember once gone, you cant have his love back
Just try to separate form him for 2 weeks.Dont call him dont text him do not talk to him...Just take yr friends in a 2 week holiday and forget about him for a while and try to have fun in that week!Just take the child to yr sister or parents or someone you can trust.And then see if he is missing you.... and if he misses you he still loves you...
But if he doesnt miss you he doesnt love you anymore!
Try to forget him and dont make yourself unhappy for the sake of yr child...
Would you like to be unhappy with someone that doesnt love you anymore only because you think is better for yr child.../?
Dont do that!
Dont try to force him to love you!You cant force someone to love you!
First try to find out if he still loves you.If he doesnt just forget him and move on and look for someone else that will love you and you will love as well cause every person deserves to be loved by someone!
2007-02-12 07:45:23 · answer #5 · answered by Neacsu v 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Deffinitly go to counselling, i did it with my hubby before we were married and it does help alot. Try to get a shrink that works on there own not in a company cause they are better. Maybe your hubby is depressed? Maybe its just a stage in his life? It sounds like something is really getting him down. Dont blame yourself this is not your fault and blaming yourself will only make things worse. Try telling him that you love him, be as supportive as you can and get a counsellor asap before it does get to late.
2007-02-12 07:36:21 · answer #6 · answered by emesumau 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he may have some finance problem. just you two take one week leave and go to some other station with your children. speak out. tell him you both should live together for the sake of the child
2007-02-12 07:38:05 · answer #7 · answered by ayal p 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband is hiding something from you.
I think it is impossible to lose feelings all of sudden without something happened.
Go to counseling and find out what he's hiding.
2007-02-12 07:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by daisyleemie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
both of you need therapy and NOW! if he wont go- You go! if he is not cheating, then he is thinking about it... that was MY ex- husbands excuse... he didn't think he was "in love with me" anymore... yeah, he was with someone else!
2007-02-12 07:42:15 · answer #9 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, he's in depression! go to a councillor, he might help you. good luck!
2007-02-12 07:35:58 · answer #10 · answered by wheeliebin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋