Should I tell my mom that my dad has been planning to leave her for a friend? If so, how do I let her know?

Question

My parents have had problems for a while. My mom suspected a friend of hers was in pursuit of my dad. Some evidence surfaced for my mom to assume this but not enough to convict my dad. Lately, my dad told my sister everything. He told her he has been in love with this other woman for ten years and that they had been planning to leave together but the woman backed out at the last minute. Supossedly she cut things off between her and my dad. But my sister and I arent sure if this is going to remain. Should we tell my mother? Or what should we do about this?

Answer 1

Hi. Well I would first make sure that they are still going out, that is is for real. Maybe even talk to your dad first in an indirect way. E.G You could tell him about an imaginary friend that has same situation as he does and ask him what to do if he was in the same situation that your mom. Also ask him if he thinks this imaginary person is fare or not. Let it then soak in, for some time while you also check what is his arrangement with other woman.

If he continues the affair then you could either:
Bring up the subject while you and your sister are there so they have to be civilized in dealing with it. You can again bring it up as a question to your dad, E.G: Who was that really nice lady you were with the other day in (if you have seen him with here)

or

Send your mother an anonymous letter saying that you fear to hurt her yet she can find out the truth by doing or going some place or giving her the clues so she can verify the situation. This way you inform her yet you 2 are not directly involved. Afterward you could tell her and him, if you need or want to, that you wrote the anonymous letter.

Sorry for your pain and I hope everything was just a missunderstanding and you are not forced to act. I went through similar situation with my eldest sister, and I did not tell her, to spare her feelings since I assumed she would find out. And so she did but by that time it was too late and her family broke up and she and her two children had a very tough time. Also I could not testify for my sister on the divorce hearing and during settlement and she lost a lot of her rights. Now I feel like a POS.
Good Luck
SF

Answer 2

I was in the SAME situation. I told my DAD to tell my mother, and if he didn't then I threatened to tell mum. finally, he told, they had a HUGE FIGHT and everything etc. etc. - it was real bad - and he left home for about 2 months and finally he came back and said he was sorry.

They still ahve a lot to get through though. He still sleeps in the garage, but he's living in the same house.

But it would be better for your mum, your dad and especially for you and your sister, if you dad just stopped living a lie and started acting like a real man and a real father.

That's what happened to me, I guess things will be the same for you. The whole point is to stop your dad living a lie. And if he say's "yeah I've stopped seeing her" dont believe him. My dady lied like that for i'd say 3 months before I found out he lied to ME and then I said I"m telling mum TODAY. I said "You decide how she'll find out"

Don't let your dad pick on you.

How old are you by the way (I am assuming you are 16+). If you are not, then you should talk to someone older in your family who can help you make a proper decision.

Good luck from the bottom of my heart.

Answer 3

Well if this relationship is NOT happening anymore then I would leave it alone. If your mother already suspects he has been messing around around then she should be looking into it further if she wants or likes. If your father starts or continues to cheat then yes you may want to make your mom aware of this. BUT you are putting yourself right DAB smack in the middle of a problem. DO YOU really want to be in the middle of this? As a matter of fact I am in an identical position as you. So are you one of my sisters? But anyway, I tell me father ALL the time, NOT to involve me in his dealings in the least. And it just so happens that it is a former friend of my mothers that my dad is seeing, so we ARE in identical positions. I do tell my father ALL the time to dump this other woman and to take care of his wife, my mother. But he doesn't listen. NO I WILL NOT tell my mother, as it would break her heart. I will NOT put my mother through this. Sorry, good luck.

Answer 4

It might be a very messy situation when you tell your mom. Your mom may end up leavign your dad regret it and blame you. She might stay and knowing this may just hurt her even more. Your father may find the situation untolerable and leave anyways. I think speaking to your mom about this is a good idea though by the way youve explained the situation and her reaction to it. I dont think your mom will do anything rash or crazy and may sit and think on it for a bit..if I were in your shoes I would tell your mom.

Answer 5

Do nothing! You should not get in the middle of the relationship between your parents and your dad was WRONG for discussing this with your sister. He was only thinking of himself when he did that. When parents split up, kids have a hard time with it no matter what age and if they were to split because of something you told your mom you would feel even worse.

Answer 6

Is it because of the fact your dad now no longer has a job or is it feasible that possibly there is greater happening with your mom that she needs all of us to understand? Any medical situations? merely questioning because of the fact the physique is going by using cycles or differences approximately each 7 years. As your physique gets older, issues start up taking drugs like medical subject concerns. it incredibly is a rely that she needs to be certain a physician for despite reason. in any different case, if she is merely treating you, your dad, and your daughter like an inconvenience, then you definately all could desire to talk to her/confront her approximately it. She needs to understand that that isn't proper. perhaps she feels that she is lacking something yet would not want all of us to understand approximately it. If its merely that she would not desire to be afflicted, then perhaps the two mum and dad could desire to bypass seperate approaches and he or she'll discover out what being ignored and on my own is all approximately. perhaps have your dad come to stay with you for a on an identical time as. a minimum of he's usual with of which you care.

Answer 7

Don't wait for things to happen then tell your mom
that you knew it, that will be very hurtful for her.
If you care about your mom, you both go and talk
to her so she can do what she needs to do. It would
help but not harm .

I believe your dad is ready for the confrontation
between him and your mom, or else he wouldn't
tell you.

So go for it and be at your mom's side. Do anything
to help your mom, even trying to stop your dad from
breaking your family.
How would you like your dad to leave your mom
for another woman, (she was a friend but not
considered anymore)

Please don't consent your dad . .

Answer 8

This is a horrible position for your father to put you and your sister in. He should never have told you that. Now if you tell, he may be upset and if you don't it might hurt your mother. I would confront him and tell him how you feel. Hopefully he will decide to be honest with your mother and not tell you and your sister things like this again.

Answer 9

Your sister should be the one to tell her, with your support, as she's the one your dad told about this. Just think about it though. Are you sure your mom would want to know? If so, just do it.

Answer 10

My guess is he confided in your sister knowing she would eventually tell your mom. Sounds like he wantes her to find out but doesn't want to be the one who comes out and tells her. I doubt after 10 years they have "cut things off" and would you really believe him since he has cheated for 10 years?
What a horrible example he is setting for you and your sister.