If you were me, How would you respond to my Girlfriend's E-mail? Please help!! Thanks so much!!?

Question

Dearest Sexy,

I have a proposition for you. I have been thinking about this for many many days now, so I am 100% sure this is something I'd personally like to do.

Remember when we had that misunderstanding about where you would stay after you move to Winston-Salem? I originally stated that only a short-term stay was workable. Well, I thought about it for awhile after that, and decided that it might actually be a good idea to share a household. Let me give you a run-down of the idea I had in mind.

I think you would be a good roommate, when you move to Winston. If you take this offer, you would be in for 1/3 of the expenses (since there would be 3 people here.) This comes out to about $350 a month which includes all current utilities. I would simply ask for that as a flat rate each month. You would have your own room, and Nessa and I would share a room (the bigger of the two, currently my office).

Even though we are involved with each other in an intimate way, I still think looking at this like a practical roommate arrangement is best.

Here are some reasons why I think this will be beneficial. From a compatibility standpoint we are both quiet people, have similar sleep patterns, value clean and tidy housekeeping, are frugal, don't watch TV much, and have mutual respect. This arrangement stands to help us both financially; I could pay off debt and afford online college. I'm sure you could do something special with the extra cash, whether it be saving up, investing, helping your mom, going back to school, or anything your heart desires.

Domestic tasks would also be simpler if we break it into roles we both enjoy. I could make dinner most nights, and you could take care of most of the yard work. Food expenses could be casually shared & we could benefit from buying in bulk. Cleaning house is something we already do in our current homes; I feel assured you are the type to clean up after yourself even with a woman in the house.

It's important to note that due to work, travel, and school, we would still not have a lot of time to see each other even if we lived together. I would be busy once I got home, and we might be seeing each other only at dinner.

You would have time to yourself probably every week since you get mostly weekdays off. I would still visit my family every other weekend. But, we could go on dates/"sleepovers" just as usual when Nessa is away (Wednesdays and every other weekend). Except, there would be no 2 1/2 hour drive to worry about.

The things that might pose problems are as follows. We could not probably have 3 cats here. Also, there may not be enough room for all your furnishings. These are two things we will have to work on if you take this offer.

You will also have to decide if you are prepared to live in a home with a 7-year old. Some days are fun, but some days are annoying. You would not be expected to take on a parental role. However, because Nessa admires you she will probably seek your attention sometimes. She is talkative and asks lots of questions, and wants to be included in things. Every so often she might pitch a fit over something that seems irrational and it is a very unpleasurable thing to witness. You are a good role model, and this is also a benefit to me & Nessa. But, you have to consider whether this is a benefit to you. Think about whether being a male role model is a rewarding experience to your heart, or if it doesn't really do anything for you. Remember it is normal to get disgusted by children, especially when they are not your own. Just recognize whether you are willing/able to cope with such feelings from time to time.

Anyways, I plan to get rid of some more junk if you decide to make this move. That way we won't be so crowded. I do think there is plenty of room for the three of us, as long as we stay reasonably organized and avoid excess. Neatness will be important.

If you'd like to do this, let me know. You do not have to give an immediate answer; just think about it. Please read at least twice before making a decision.

I hope you have a deliciously wonderful day!

Yours always,

Pumpkin

Answer 1

She sounds like she has really thought this through, I hope you do the same. And then answer from your heart as well as head. One thing she didn't mention> who would tend Nessa while she was out? Don't become a free sitter in an other wise business venture. If she is what you wanted in a girlfriend or mate, it sounds like it could work out. Best results> family. growing closer before any real commitments. Middle results> friend who eventually go their separate ways..non the worse for wear. Worst results> learn each others faults and grow to hate each other. The winner, as it should Be, would be the child. She will not be thinking of you as a Dad yet, just a friend.That is if you two can keep your actions appropriate in front of her. What time you will have together would not be wasted in travel, money ,also conserved, no double rents, wear and tear on cars, etc. I say go for it, if the sitter issue is worked out. She has a good head on her shoulders, and sounds mature enough to say she may have erred in the earlier case.What more could you ask for? Love is a conscious decission, the balls in your court......

Answer 2

Dear Pumpkin,
While I appreciate your generous offer, I feel it is not in the best interest of Nessa to have a man, who is not her father, living in the house. You, as her mother, should know this. In fact, I should not be a part of Nessa's life at all, unless our relationship progresses to the point of marriage. When I move to Winston-Salem, I will find an apartment to share with my cat. I'll give you a call when I get to town.
Love,
Sexy

Answer 3

DO NOT DO IT unless you want to be in this little girls life forever. It is not fair for a child to witness a parade of men coming into her life and then leaving without her knowing why. Your girlfriend has it all mapped out as a great "business" relationship, but that is not how it will work. You two are in a personal relationship and eventually one of your will grow weary. It sounds as if you will have to act as if you are just friends until the little one is away and then you are supposed to flip the switch over to romance. It will never work out that way. I know it would be a great way to save money, but there are more important things than money to think about. Unless you want this relationship to be permanent and are actively planning such a committment, do not move in. Without the little girl things might be different, but you have to think of her first. This would not be good for her and I'm appalled that her mother would suggest such a course of action. As much as it seems she has laid everything out in the email, I don't think she has truly thought about the effect a strange man moving in with her will have on her child. If she has she is looking through rose colored classes because she wants to make your relationship easier on her. Move to the same city if you want to, but don't move in with her yet.

Answer 4

It is a very long email, but she obviously wanted to cover all the bases. She's covered all the practical details, but you might want to talk to her about the more emotional side of things. Will you be part of her family? What happens if you split up? Where do you both see your relationship going?

On the face of it, it sounds great, but how will it work out in the future? Are you planning to spend the rest of your lives together, or just hanging out for now? How will her kid feel if you're part of the family and then go away? How will you feel?

Answer 5

Do you want to be a Father-figure for the girl?
Is it a good idea for a seven year old to sleep with a parent every night instead of learning to be independent?

Bad idea buddy. Tell her that it is very tempting and you can appreciate the frugality and practicality of it but emotionally for all concerned, it is not the best thing to do.

Answer 6

Well, even though she seems to be talking mostly about the "business" advantages to this, shes obviously thinking of "family" too.

is that what you want?

if yes, dont answer to this quickly, wait a couple days then reply

if no, then tell her that right now its not a good idea for you.

Answer 7

She talked deeply, that ordinary or even average learned person can't truly understand what he talked about.. She don't sounds communicative....Sounds weird! Is she a psychologist or a psychology student who dont to go the level to be understood by people even close to her... She is your gf, hope you understand her.

Answer 8

my eyes hurt from reading this

but for real, you have to ask yourself whether or not you can take this role, settle down. we cannot make this decision for you, yahoo answerers are not prepared enough to provide you with a decision, the decision is yours my friends. ok im messing around

dude, this is a pretty good opprotunity to settle down, save money, no traveling. she pretty much mapped out the pros and cons of it, its a matter of agreeing with her and if you can accept living with kids. you can always try it out, and if it doesnt work for you, move out. good luck

Answer 9

dear i dont have enough time to read this long mail so please describe in short