What do I do? I don't know if he said it to "sound big" or if there is truly a problem. I confronted him after finding text messages on his phone asking if he was looking to score and if he could get a dime. He doesn't live with me, and the person he lives with denies any involvement with drugs, but I suspect he is using. The person he lives with is accusing me of "making trouble". My son is soon to be 17, if there is a problem, I'd rather be a troublemaker then turn a blind eye.
2007-02-11 22:20:21 · 6 answers · asked by Dara 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
I'd make it clear to him that he is screwing up and if he gets busted you aren't going to come to his rescue. It's tough love, but you can't let him take you down with him. He's nearly an adult and there isn't much you can do to control him at this point.
2007-02-11 22:25:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dara....
I give you credit. It is a hard thing to do, confront the problem. Notice I didn't say confronting the person. That was hard but confronting the problem is going to be harder. I went through the same thing. I brought in outside help. I went the tough love route. I was lucky that I had friends in the local police department. Specifically on the drug task force. I spoke with the investigator and learned that they "kinda" knew. We had an intervention. We had a meeting with my son without his knowing what was coming. The friend told my son, "this time I am coming through the door as a friend to your mom to let you know what will happen if I have to come through the door again." The officer laid it out what they already knew and that this was the only chance my son had to walk away from what he was doing. He did, but it took time and I didn't see my son for over six months after. Eventually my son uderstood why I did what I did and we have a close relationship now. He eventually walked away from all the people he was involved with at the time.
I am not saying that you have the same options I did but I want you to know you may not be able to do this alone. If you don't have any connections through the local PD then try and find a drug rehab facility that has an individual on staff that can confront your son with what the reality is in regards to what consequences he *will* face at some point.
You've mentioned he is a middleman but you didn't mention that he was using. Don't be naive, now is not the time, there is a very good chance that he is using himself. Remember that.
Like I said, I give you credit. Most parents when they find out something like this is occuring cover it up for various reasons. One, they don't want to believe it and two, they don't want the rest of the world to know what is happening. They don't want their child to be known as a drug offender of any kind and they don't want it to appear to the world as if they failed in raising their child. If this is a thought you have running through your mind, that is a demon you are going to have to deal with. You haven't failed. All you can do is attempt to teach them right and wrong. Your son knows. You did your job, it was your sons job to not get involved. Getting your child through this as unscathed as possible is going to be the most important thing you will ever be able to do for your child. This is it kiddo, this is why you are the parent and this is your test.
I wish you the best of luck... I know it is hard and I know it is breaking your heart. I've been there and I almost threw my relationship with my son away to try and save him. In my case, it worked. I hope it does for you too. It isn't going to be easy.
As for what Max said, it is ridiculous. Your sons future is what is important. Playing nice was not part of the deal when it came to having a child and taking the responsibility of raising that child seriously.
2007-02-12 06:46:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get your hands on the book "No Escape", published by Human Rights Watch in New York, which details male rape in US prisons in a cold and clinical manner. Leave it lying around somewhere at home where he is likely to pick it up; have it open at the page which details that young guys are most likely to be victims.
2007-02-12 07:22:44 · answer #3 · answered by Mardy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not that big of a deal, lots of teens do that to make some extra scratch during high school. You really shouldnt be going through his phone over 10 dollars worth of Marijuana. This kind of thing will do damage to your relationship with him so I think you should think about whats important to you. Is the juice worth the squeeze.
2007-02-12 06:46:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
call the police and get them busted your son will get out of it a big learning experance but only a slap on the wrist so dont worry you wont be sending him to jail
2007-02-12 06:48:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is an adult in the eyes of the law. if it were me, i might turn him in. if he continues this behavior, he will either get caught, or killed in a deal. he needs to know the consequences. who is he living with if he's only 16? you need to be the parent. only you know what he's really like.
2007-02-12 06:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋