how do you get along with people who have "superficial" personalities?

Question

during lunch break, i have college blockmates who just play cards and laugh and taunt each other. they seem to be having a lot of fun. but that's all they do.

it's like smiles are permanently plastered on their faces.

you can't even get into a serious conversation with them since they laugh like every 5 minutes or so.

i want to get close to them, be friends with them. but im not that "fun", i try to talk, but their just too "happy" and just blabber on about the most pointless things.

it's either they find me boring.

but i also find their shallowness, well, boring.

but i really want to be friends with them. weird

Answer 1

There is a lot of evidence that people operate on different levels of introspection (note that this is not introversion). It sounds like you are a very introspective/deep person and your coworkers operate at a more surface level. This does not make them shallow- they simply do not see things as deeply as you do. It makes it very difficult to become close to them because you view them as never talking about anything serious while they may view you as being overly serious and sucking life out of the conversation. I've found that when a person operates on a very deep level he finds surface level friendships unrewarding. You can however learn to be friends with these people as long as you change your expectations. They may never be the kind of people with whom you enjoy a deep friendship, but you may find it rewarding to just hang out at lunchtime for some cards. Its about changing your definition of what a true friend is; this group can simply be your poker friends.

Just a note: treknext has inaccurate descriptions of Jungian views of extroversion and introversion

Answer 2

I kinda know where you are coming from.
When I went to college, there were people that played cards in the Student Center. They were laughing and cutting up too. I go interested in what they were doing. They taught me the cards that they played and I started to enjoy the game too.
Not to insult you if...but I never thought that I would have so much fun with a bunch of engineering majors.
So, they are genuinely having fun, so I would stick around and they will eventually invite you to the table. And you will enjoy the game too. I advise you to stick around and get to know them.

Answer 3

I can truly understand your feeling here.
I experienced this kind of things before as well.... where I really saw people so phony and fake by smiling and being nice to each others while I truly feel that hatred and wickedness reign their heart. I am sorry to say that most of my American friends and all American people I know before, are really like that. They seem so nice to you, laughing and appear to be the happiest people on earth. But I just feel they are phony, that they fake theirselves in so many way shape and form. Even I knew one American woman named Bonnie always smiled and laughed cheerfully all the time while her face is as wicked as a witch. I even can feel her wickedness once I busted her without smile plastered on her face. So scary face she has actually with wrinkles around her mouth like a witch really.

Answer 4

I am like you. I do not deal well with shallow people, but I always wanted to be liked. Unfortunately, I cannot change my nature. I have learned to accept that I will never be part of the "in" crowd because I don't make small talk. Just be yourself. You are fine just as you are.

Answer 5

During lunch break they're probably trying to unwind, there's nothing wrong with having a little fun to relieve stress. If you don't want to do that, then find someone you can get along with, I'm sure that there's someone there who likes serious conversations.

Answer 6

well, i am much like you, but i have siperficial friends.HOw? they approach me... And i tried hanging out with them. At first, i really find them shallow but i have learned to adjust. I cant laugh when they throw such shallow jokes. They laugh at me sometimes but I considered it a stepping stone to find what's funny in that simple stuff. Definitely,it just the matter of open mindedness between you and that "superficial persons". ...I can now laugh with them but in return i was able to bring out the seriuos part in them...

Answer 7

Going around with a clique usually means having to stay away from anything too serious. Slowly work your way with them...

Answer 8

You get along with "difficult" people by seeing yourself as a "difficult" person...

You are describing the difference between the strictly-Jungian definitions of Extraversion and Introversion...

Extraverts appear necessarily shallow from an Introvert's viewpoint...and with good reason...

Once you learn how to translate their language, you might want to translate what you say to them before you say it...

You can understand both languages, but Extraverts don't speak the language of Introverts...you're going to have to learn theirs...Introverts are outnumbered by Extraverts...

You might want to surround yourself with Introverts who can validate you before you launch into the fast-paced world where few dare to tread...by this it is meant that you would stick your toe in one end of the pool and they would jump in the deep end without hesitation

Extraverts can only live in the outer world and neglect the inner world...as an Introvert you can live in the inner world and understand their world - - but they cannot

Answer 9

I think those sought of people are false. And I am with you on your opinion of them that they are boring.

Why do you want to be friends with them though?

If I were you I'd want to be with people that I could talk too. But that is just my opinion.

Answer 10

your the "un-cool" kid who wants to be "cool". You cant teach it, just live your life, they will never have anything in common with you.