i have been single or divorced for almost 14yrs. now i have found someone who makes me more happy than anything but my kids and grandkids, but happier than any man even my ex husband. and i find myself doing things to make him mad ,or just say thats it i cant go threw this any more but he stays says im the love of his life and i can stop trying to push him away. why am i pushing him away i love him more than anything?
2007-02-11 20:17:44 · 10 answers · asked by SUZY Q 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im not mad at my ex we get along fine. i just think i dont trust men that much .and im afraid i will get hurt once again.
2007-02-11 20:31:36 · update #1
It's a hard thing to go through hunni, this is my take on it all cause I'm going through the same thing right now with my current boyfriend. The way I see it is you were married and you got divorced and you had to be strong to get over the divorce im sure at point you swore to yourself that you would never love anyone else that you would never ever get married again! That you were going to be alone the rest of your life and that you didnt need anyone but yourself and your kids and family!! I'm sure after time this anger faded away but even after 14 years it still is a part of you, all the drama and heartach that the divorce caused made you a stronger person and you put up certain walls and they are going to be very hard to break down and I woud think one of those walls in not letting someone in again the way you let your first husband in, not ever getting that close again. Even though you've grown during those 14 years and I'm sure you really are in love with your fiance you still have to tear down those walls you once built up so high with anger, your trying to push him away cause you feel you dont deserve to happy or your terrified of marriage cause your terrifed or if ending again, you don't want to feel the way you did when you were divorced ever again. I would try talking to him letting him know who you feel telling him your sorry for lashing out but your scared, it's been 14 years since you've been married you've gotten used to a differnt kind of life, I'm sure he will understand all of this. If he stayed around this long I'm sure he isnt going anywhere, just make sure you keep talking to him let him know where your at and be honest and open with him always cause you deserve to be happy again, you deserve to have a great marriage!! Hope this helped!!
2007-02-11 20:34:03 · answer #1 · answered by Megz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you've been single/divorced and living alone for 14 yrs. That in itself is going to mean that marriage again will be a big adjustment. Think before you react to him. It sounds like you have found someone who is good to you, so stop pushing him away. Sometimes I think you might push just to make him prove he won't leave you. Work on those trust issues before you get married again. Work these issues out and then get married and have a happy life together. Good luck.
2007-02-11 23:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
14 years is a long time. You did not date or meet anyone during this time ? Or did you set your children as your priorities, than your own desires or fulfillment in life, for your children ? Either way, it is a long time, and probably you fear, perhaps do to your previous experience, that it would fail, or you may lose it hence conciously or not, you just seem to deny that and probably doing things thinking it would push him away. You have to admit to yourself that you do love him. I assume you are a very matured person, and probably has come across a lot of people, and perhaps your judgement is right that you do love him, and also give him a benefit of doubt that he too may be genuinely in love with you. Give it a chance, think over, and most importantly push away the thoughts that may be a reason for you to deny him. Also, sometimes you may need to look into why you have this urge to ''push'' him away, is it something related with his character ? age ? or something you've heard of him....or most likely the age...I think you are the best person to answer this, while I would also suggest you meet him personally, and talk over what you feel, and see if he can put away all your insecure thoughts......and give it time.
good luck
2007-02-11 20:38:30 · answer #3 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, do they divorce because they hate each other? if there's no hatred between them , then whether they divorce or not is the same. i'm sure after 31 years living as husband and wife, there's still some feelings left. if they both do not hate each other, then i think the wife should stay by his husband's side no matter as a wife or an ex-wife or simply a friend. i'm sure his husband needs someone at a time like this. if she feels that she wanna help and be there for him, then she should just do it. divorce or not doesn't really matter at a time like this rite? if i am the husband, i'd still prefer having my wife that i'd live with for 31 years by my side when i'm going through hard times.. no matter what have happened between us. women are soft-hearted in nature.. so i think your friend still cares about his husband or else she wouldn't give a second thought on divorce if she doesn't care at all about her husband. obviously, there's some lingered feelings.. although i don't know what it is.. guilty, pity or simply love?
2016-05-24 00:12:02 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Suzy,
Have you been to counseling for how you are feeling? I feel you may need this to help you to get past the pain of the past divorce and to heal and to then learn how to trust again someday so you can marry again. What are you doing to make him so upset if i may ask? I dont feel you are ready for marriage let alone even a relationship right now for that matter. Why dont you slow things way down with this guy and just be friends for the time being while you get the help that you need.
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-11 21:44:38 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are pushing him away because you are scared of being hurt like you have been in the past. you have been alone for 14 years and you are not used to being with someone. I would say you are very afraid of having someone being in your space again. you should seek some therapy. and make sure and tell him that you do love himbut he has to bear with you while you work some things out
2007-02-11 21:06:56 · answer #6 · answered by insane illusions 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your afraid of change . Your set in your ways.And you don't wont your feeling shattered again .You think your to old and its all silly kids stuff. Get over it and be happy. Stop living for your kids they have there own life . Have fun you earned it before its to late your only here once . tic tic tic tic the clock is ticking and your not getting any younger you know
2007-02-11 20:51:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
14 yrs is a long time to stay mad.. ithink u need to sort out ur issues.. if this man really loves u .. try to make the best of it and get a new start in life... get help .. get over it.. he may even help u .. and make a new begining
2007-02-11 20:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In order to obtain exact guidlines you need to tell exactly what do you think the moment you try to push him away...?
2007-02-11 20:31:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have issues, and you need to go to therapy.
2007-02-11 20:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋