why's my husband doing this?

Question

we have been married for 3 years now, and he's decided that he want's more out of life then a family, it has really been, heart ripping this weekend, cause i love him so much, he say's he's not moving out, and im not cause we have a little girl. i know that he's made some new friends at work, and it's been since meeting them, he been rude, any help to get my husband back

im 33 and my husbands 28, and we've known each other 6 years.

also can i ask , am i nagging if i ask where he's been, if he told me to phone, and he's phone off

Answer 1

Why the hell do you want him back. Get out and get a life.

Answer 2

Do not allow him to stay in the house with you and treat you like this. Basically he's either out 'on the pull' every night with a bunch of new male work-friends or he's having an affair. Either way he is not behaving like a married man and does not deserve to have the perks of marriage - a comfortable home, meals etc etc - without the commitment.

Either throw him out or leave with your daughter. Do you really want her to grow up to believe that this is the way that men treat women? I know it's not easy. I left with my 2 year old son because I didn't want him to grow up thinking the way his father was treating me was the way to treat women when he grew up. It was very hard at the time but now, 4 years later I'm happy, my son is happy and his father and I have a perfectly cordial relationship because it is now on my terms because when he comes to see our son he is in my house and has to abide by my standards.

If you want him back this is probably the only way you'll manage it (though it's not a huge chance). The shock of you being strong and taking his daughter away may be enough to bring him to his senses. It really depends how decent he is. If you let him stay you've got no chance because what little respect he may have left will just disappear. If you let him treat you like a doormat he'll just get worse and worse. Why should he reform if you allow him to have his cake and eat it?

Some men are just not worth the effort, I'm afraid. The best thing you can do is get rid of him and give yourself a chance to be happy, either alone with your daughter or with someone else who will treat you as you should be treated.

Answer 3

Your question is very hard to understand. If its just that your husband wants friends and a social life then I would say that you are being very paranoid..but also it sounds like an unhealhty situation and I was in kind of the same situation previously. He stated that being with me was like being in a cage and he wouldnt awnser his phone and he would not tell me what he was doign and get pissed off if he asked. Anyways we broke up because he was making friends with hot females and did not want to share that with me. i felt it was rong and we are apart now. Three weeks after that hes already seeing someone new and i hate him. we have a daughter together too..she is five months old and I dont want to waste time and get divorced from him when my daughter is older so im leaving now. I dont think its rong for a man to have friends..it is rong when they refuse to share those friends with you and view being in a relatinship as being in a cage..there is better out there..and what you really need to ask yourself is why this bothers you..how to fix it and you will need your husbands cooperation. \

There is an issue here..and it may be underlying before you go ahead you need to address it..i suggest a session or two with a therapist who might help you think outside the box.

Answer 4

This guy firstly needs a slap to wake him up and realise that he has a family! a family that he created with you, this he needs to understand.

I can only suggest that you have a conversation with him that does not involve any drink by the way. Ask him to be honest with you. Ask him if he has found somebody else, ask him what it is that you have done that has upset him so much. Please ask these questions in a calm manner no matter how much he flys of the handle. Remind him that you both have created a beautiful daughter that is going to suffer, with the both of you continually going at each others throats.

Tell him what you love about him and why you want to save your marriage.

This is all you can do, the rest will be up to him to explain. Please try and keep calm and try not to shed any tears during your conversation. You need to be strong for you and your daughter.

I really hope things work out, all you can do is try.

:)

Answer 5

you see it is a sexual thing I think...let me ask you this, When you have sex do you get off b4 he dose or at the same time? Men need to feel the contraction of your woman hood around his man hood, it will never ever last if it ain't there. Trust me I had a few women in my day and 3 wives it is always back to the sack.
You need to look into this. He may not even be aware of what the problem is.
You should try to find an exit strategy, play the field do some fooling around get sexually independent, no fear of being alone have several partners who all understand that you do not belong to any one but your self. You got married to try it, well it ain't there, plane to be single the rest of your life with as many friends as possible. just play safe. You only live once, let this experience liberate you from your oppression into a sexually active person who loves to enjoy hot steamy sex with no strings attached.
Gee your husband is going to kill me for letting the genie out of the bottle.

Answer 6

It must be hard for you both as you have a child. By the sounds of it he has comitment issues, he cant make his mind up. He wants to have everything but he cant. He has to think of you and your daughter. His new friends must be single and have no responabilities. You need to make time for eachother ( without your daughter ) so you can get that spark back and make him see that your not just a mother or wife but your his lover and make him realise why you got married. I hope it all goes well for you darling but i will say this dont give up if the spark is still there because too many people do give up too easily and regret it.

Answer 7

Sweetie, I know exactly what you are going through because right now am battling with exactly the samething.
However it seems like you situation is just getting out of hand so try to be calm and postive, do not give up easily and when it finally fails you will know you gave it your best.
Its the hardest thing to do but right now my heart is also being torn apart, I hope for you he has not started coming home in the morning.
Good luck Lady and stay strong for your daughter whatever happens.

Answer 8

He has a new "interest" at work. Bottom line...

Girl... I wish I could tell you exactly what to do at the right time but this is tough.
You definately don't want to appear needy but you also want to ensure that you give him something to come home to. (so to speak)
Make sure you're keeping yourself up... (always)
Make him spend more time with his daughter and you LEAVE to go "do something" so he can't get out of it. I don't care if you say you're doing this or that and just drive around for a few hours window shopping....

Confront him calmly with your suspicions and prepare to hire a private investigator to prove those suspicions in court, if necessary.
Show up at his job if that's possible and take him to lunch. See what kind of reaction you get. If he's happy to see you and behaves so, you can rest a bit. If he seems otherwise, I would take a look around at others reactions. Most ppl would know if there is something going on at work and you can tell by the way they will want to stare at you.
We saw this situation play out many times at my place of work and as much as it sickened me not to open my mouth, everyone thought it best that we didn't...nevertheless, we all knew.

I feel for you... Sometimes those that we love behave so horribly and it's so painful. The only thing you CAN control however is YOU.

BTW... He is definately being a dumbass right now...no doubt... but you have to get it together and figure out what is up before you can know how to proceed....

Answer 9

As sad as it would be for your little girl , and yourself think you need to move on. It wont work having him live there and have a separate life, it's not fair on you. You say he met new friends at work, well Im sure they include another woman that he fancies or is maybe having an affair with. Otherwise why wouldnt he ask you to join him and his new friends after work? I think he has got tired of his marriage and is seeking out new pastures. Good luck.

Answer 10

Boy have I heard this one before, sorry to say but it sounds like a guilty conscience to me. You say he has made new friends,could it be possible that something may have happened? T he only advice I can give is to agree with him, may sound too difficult but play him at his own game, agree that although you love your child and him you too want more out of life. As to living under the same roof, that's the hardest one because it will just tear you apart if he thinks he has the right to do as he pleases but still have the benefit of his wife and family.its a horrible situation to be in and I hope that you can sort it out but all the damage is hard to repair. the very best of luck.

Answer 11

Depends on what ages you both are...... If you married young it makes more sense, what he is wanting..... I and husband, like a million other couples married way to young..... we were just not ready to deal with what having a family ment.... the giving up and sacrifice of what we wanted and needed, but we tried..... and failed in a lot of ways, but we made it thru some how, mostly God got us thru I should say..... You need to sit down and talk this all out with him, find a way to make him hear you and to understand what you are saying..... do NOT lay a guilt trip on him or point the finger , but you do need to lay it all out and make sure he understands the meaning of family and what you expect from him and what you expect inside the marriage and even out of it..... he can NOT have it both ways..... he is either commited to you and child or he is not...... if not for you, he needs to think of what the childs life is or will be like........ sitting by and sticking your head in the sand will NOT make it all go away......... God bless