My friend was murdered 16 months ago n London after leaving my house one night. He was beaten up in the park 5 mins from my house. I had to move back home to Australia 8 months after it happened and now feel lost. No-one here ever knew him and all of my friends that went through the grief with me are in the UK along with his family. I feel seperated from them and alittle lost at times. My family and friends here know of my friend who passed but everytime I want to talk about himI feel like I'm depressing them. Even the good stories make me feel as though I am burdening them with my problems. I don't make a habit of bringing him up in my stories anymore because of their reactions. I get so angry because I love to talk about him. He became a big part of my life while I was away and then he was ripped away from me. Now I feel as though I have to hide all of that and become the person I use to be before I met him. He was such a great person and I miss him so much.
2007-02-11 17:44:27 · 8 answers · asked by Arisaig 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Hi there Arisaig, I can't even begin to comprehend how you must be feeling, all I can say is that I am so sorry for your loss! It must be so frustrating not being able to talk about your friend with someone who knows him and can understand.
Unfortunately, your new friends who do not know your friend, will only be able to give you some support for so long. It is sad that people who have not had the same experience as you are so 'de-sensitised.'
Write to your friends in England and ask them to become penpals with you, so that you can have regular contact and moral support with what you all went through.
How about writing a diary dedicated to your friend. Write it each day, and begin each page with Dear (your friend's name), and tell him about your day and how you are feeling and how you miss him. Write about your memories together.
I must add, that your friend would not have wanted you to be miserable forever. As hard as it may feel for you at the moment, do your best to get on with your life, and to commemorate your friend with happy memories you shared.
It may not seem possible yet, but time is a great healer.
I hope that I have helped you some way.
All the best! :o) x
2007-02-11 18:35:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly I wish to pass on my condolences. It was only 16 months ago so there is every reason for you to want to talk about him, he was your friend.
I believe that you assume that people you are talking to in Australia do not want to hear about it. Maybe you feel that you can't stop talking about him and then believe that you are burdening everyone Else's lives? It's good to talk about this but if you still feel this way i can only suggest that you visit the UK more often and speak to your friends back here in the UK, maybe you might find some closure. But remember these circumstances take time, as the saying goes 'time is a good healer'.
If you are not in a financial position to visit the UK regularly, then I can only suggest that you grab your life back and go out and make friends. Do you honestly think that your friend would like you to grieve for so long? What would he tell you right now?
I wish you luck in your difficult quest.
:)
2007-02-11 19:32:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk with a counsellor about this. I lost friends in the army while serving in Bosnia I came home to the UK. Nobody knew or cared about my friends there they were just another sad story on the news. But they were living people to me. I found talking to a counsellor a great help the anger you feel has to and will fade as you go through the grieving process and move on with your life. I am sure your friend would not like for you to carry this around and be unhappy
2007-02-11 20:08:00 · answer #3 · answered by Mack J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I make a suggestion? Might there be a way for you to communicate with those you knew back in London? The people around you now will never understand- people are so detached and have no compassion.
I think it will help wonders to just be able to email or call those back in London every now and then. I am so sorry for you about all of this, I do hope it gets better.
2007-02-11 17:49:32 · answer #4 · answered by Daaang! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one thing I suggest the most to ppl is this.... WRITE it out..... write how and what you are feeling down on paper.... in the form of letters to the person who left you behind or as a journal exspressing all your pent up feelings past and present.... getting it all out in the open relieves the preasure from with in and lets you and helps you move past that certain point we sometimes get stuck in when greiving...... remembering the good and bad times is GOOD !!! the writting gives us permission to remember the loved ones and who they were to us and what they ment to us....... It also makes them valid in the sense they are remembered and always will be and that therir life had meaning........ and may I also say, that IF you feel the need to get prof. help to move on, do so, do NOT be ashamed of seeking the help....... God bless
2007-02-11 17:53:16 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact some of the mutual friends to talk about him.
2007-02-11 17:47:44 · answer #6 · answered by FCabanski 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i m really lacking in words to say anything!
no words of mine will do u good. i mean u had a big lost.
all i can say is just get ahead in life.
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2007-02-11 17:49:19 · answer #7 · answered by Oh My God! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be strong
he will want you to move on
perhaps you will meet again in the far future
2007-02-11 17:49:09 · answer #8 · answered by unit ® 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋