Please ... my kids have shown more loyalty to their cheating stepfather, than to me their mother?

Question

I understand that he's been more of a father (for 7 years) than their own (they are 32 & 27) but he cheated on me and I am sad and upset but they don't share my sadness. I mean, I can't be cross and sad around them because they don't want to take sides?! Is that fair. I feel all alone. Today I am very sad!
I understand that they are entitled to keep up their relationship with him which is good for them, but I feel so unwanted! How/what do I do? Please?

Thank you everyone. You've all made me cry. You are all right! I have to get OVER IT!
I wish it didn't make me so sad though!

Answer 1

I think you are correct, they do not share your emotional turmoil. and i think that is good. ....listen , i know your hurt and frustrated and any explanation i give will not help.

but (there is always that but) i think in time ,you will move on, and you don't really know what the future has is store.

If this man was a good father/ then dividing your children with burden is not something you will not want. trust me your children love you, your are their blood..

Time will heal your wounds , when you are courageous enough to do so, go out have some fun , enjoy your life
do things with your children and our grandchildren, meet people , go on a date, be feisty!
your children will aways love you and the people that made them good people. remember that the next time you feel sad.

my best wishes
SAM

Answer 2

All right Jan, you have been a great mother, have raised two wonderful children and have taken care of yourself all this time, cheating husband or not. My suggestion is to go inside yourself and become re-acquainted with the wonderful person you find there. You are your own best friend. You are unique in the universe. Love and honor and respect yourself. If you can truly learn to love yourself, you will always find comfort in your own company. Acknowledge yourself for the wonderful and fantastic person you known yourself to be. Look what you've accomplished in your life. You're great. Know it. Honor it. Be great.

Answer 3

I commend you on being introspective sufficient to work out that issues have not lengthy previous nicely for you and also for searching for the reason why that occurred. that is the first and perfect step to getting previous any difficulty in existence. As others have suggested the language on your question is little bit of an unlucky decision. I doubt that your mom or step dad made the alternative so that you could cheat on your husband. You made it. you would attempt speaking about it as a nasty decision you made. human beings on YA would truly reply more beneficial efficient to you in case you stated you've been at fault. Having stated all that I purely wanted to say how sorry i become to study the tale you printed. I have a figure that dedicated suicide. i recognize it is totally painful and that i will in trouble-free words imagine what more beneficial harm your doorstep mom and dad's alcohol issues contributed to an already puzzling hand that existence dealt to you. I truly wish and pray that issues enhance for you and that you could stay worry-free with your self and search for for thoughts to enhance the options that you're making in existence. all of us make blunders in existence, notwithstanding it is the sturdy ones between us that attempt to regulate. God bless you and solid success.

Answer 4

You need to really stop comparing the affections they show their step dad and you. This is not a contest. I love 100 people, all in different ways and each are special to me. I really wonder if your children could ever live up to your expectations of how much they should love you. Go search for love within yourself. Your second husband cheated on you, not on his stepchildren. Go get a new hobby, take a dance class, make your life happy don't look to other people to do it for you.

Answer 5

To them, he didnt cheat on them and so they are not taking it personal. I also think if you try to have them take sides, sadly you might get the result you dont want. Talk to friends or a counselor and leave the kids out of the equation.

Answer 6

This is not your kids problem...it is yours. Your kids were adults when this man came into your life and I suspect there is more going on here than you have written about.
Make an appointment with a marriage and family counselor to sort through the issues you are living with.

Answer 7

Cheating or not, that is a matter between you and your man. kids should not get involved in it in anyway. They do right, by judging who was a good father to them, and not judging your relationship.Please don't organise them as judge, but take them as what they are: your kids! That will improve the relationship.

Answer 8

well you really can't expect your kids to take sides in this kind of situation. you should be proud that you raised your kids good enough to keep to their own buisness and really by not taking sides they are being very fair. do you have any girl friends you can lean on for support? friends take sides thats what they are there for :)

Answer 9

I'm sorry!!
Can't you talk to your kids alone without the cheater around and let them know how this has hurt you and how alone you really feel?

Does stepdaddy have $$$ is that what the kids don't want to miss out on? IF daddy has $$$ you should file for divorce and take him for everything you can get your hands on. ALSO demand alimoney!!

Answer 10

Go out make your self pretty and attractive and make yourself feel good in yourself... The "kids" will wake up to his transparency one day.. while you enjoy your new found freedom and being you...