I have been with my husband over a year, but only married to him 4 months.....he has aways been loving and open with me. He has always been supportive and given me a shoulder when I needed it, but recently he has changed. The pst few months he seems distraught. I try to talk to him about it and he says nothing is wrong. When I ask him things he always says he doesnt know or doesnt care. he never has an opinion. For example......he used to know when something was bothering me and he would hold me, now he doesnt.........my great grandmother is passing away....she fell and hurt her head....she has been a second mom to me and i am losing a best friend.....i have been crying and trying to figure out what to do. she lives everal staes away.....he hasnt once held me, or said anything to make me feel better. all he says is to go and be with my family. he wont even go with me. it hurts me that hes acting this way. its like he doesnt care about anymore. what should i do. he wont talk to me.
2007-02-11 17:22:14 · 15 answers · asked by wiccabeauty_fairybabe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know it's not an excuse, but there are some things here that you need to remember. *in general* A woman worries about her life until she gets married. A man doesn't worry about anything until he gets married.
He's under stress and doesn't know how or want to talk about it. You do need to sit with him and have a long talk. Try not to be to accusatory such as, "You never care anymore about me!!" Instead start off with things like, "You know, it really hurts me when you......" As a guy I can tell you that we are sometimes impervious to the feelings of others. It's not that we're mean, we'd just rather not bother. He probably doesn't realize that he's hurting you. At least, I would hope so. In your discussion with him, be careful not to escalate the conversation. He's going to push your buttons for a fight and you're going to need to stick to your guns. Good luck!
2007-02-11 17:32:08 · answer #1 · answered by Thegustaffa 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm.. I hope this doesnt come across as hurtful to you, because I'm only trying to be helpful.
You say for the last "few months" he has changed. Well you have been married only for four. It seems to be that his change has nearly coincided with your marriage.
Remember one thing: guys like the chase more than the kill. He may have been showing his utmost love and affection in order to woo you and show that he is the best partner for you. Once you got married, he has gone down a notch or two. Dont get me wrong, this doesnt mean he was pretending to care, its just that most men are not overly romantic and touchy feely by nature. If you see two guy friends consoling each other its mostly a slap on the back (IF that) and a one-word sentence of consolation. The other guy feels totally ok with this! For us women, who are used to hugs, kisses and cuddles to mean affection, it could be a devastating shock to feel a man's 'cold' response. Its just who he is.
He could be more sympathetic, since you are his wife, not a buddy and its yoru grandmothers's loss you are grieving, but from what I can tell, you seem to come across as a clingy, emotional woman who constantly thrives and expects her mate to always physically demostrate his love and attention by always reading your mind via your expressions or mood. Am I right?
Girl, this sort of behaviour can be very tiring for a bloke. And eventually you would have drained him of all reserves of affection. Dont expect him to constantly hover around you and hand hold you through this relationship. That way when you REALLY need it (like now, with your grandmother) his energy is all used up and he feels resistant to show support for anything, fearing that it would mean constant hand-holding all over again.
Be a little self reliant on issues you face in everyday life, earn your husband's respect, and then, when you really need him to care during traumatic times such as your grandmother's loss, you may find him more forthcoming if he feels he is not pressed to show concern for every little thing, just the big things.
Good luck, hope this helps.
2007-02-11 19:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by RealChic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and 1/2 years, and he have been living together for about 7 months. To me it sounds like something is bothering him, but he doesn't know how to tell you. I think this is what is going on because i do the same thing to my boyfriend. When something is bothering me i kind of detatch myself, and i have a very hard time talking about it. And it is never something bad. For me, i do not have any friends, and sometimes i get depressed about it. And i have a hard time just going up to my boyfriend when i am in tears and telling him about it. So instead i stay in the room all day and not talk to him. Maybe something is bothering him, and he just doesn't know how to share his feelings about it. Something might be over whelming him. Maybe he hasn't dealt with a death of a close relative, and just doesn't know what to say, or doesn't know how to make you feel better about it. Try talking to him about it, and just tell him exactly how you feel, and that you are concerned. And sometimes i find it is easier to write down my feelings than say them out loud. Maybe you can ask him if he would write you a letter, or write down his feelings in a journal. I hope this helps. And I am soo sorry about your great grandmother. I hope you figure everything out soon.
2007-02-11 17:40:12 · answer #3 · answered by Stark 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your great-grandma. I sincerely hope for the best for her.
It seems to me that you both did not give your selves enough time to really get to know each other before you tied the knot. Few things that could be going on with him....
1. confused about the whole idea of being married
2. unsure on how to deal with your grief (some people are just not good at this sort of thing)
3. have you been overly emotional/absorbed with your great-grandma's situation? You see, he may be feeling a little annoyed that he's got less attention. You guys are supposed to still be in your 'honeymoon' period
Here's my advice :
1. write him a letter, telling him exactly how you feel
2. when being around him, try not to cry so much and smile more (I know it's difficult but you should give it a try)
3. if need be, go and be with your family in this time of need and let him have his 'space' to think. I think you need to have your alone time and think for yourself too.
All the best!
2007-02-11 17:47:30 · answer #4 · answered by snoringcouchprincess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wrong answer. So you have been stressed for quit a while during which he is feeling all that you are feeling. OK, now that he has tried to comfort you, you are still acting as if he is not giving enough. The only alternative is for you to go be with your family because he knows this will make you feel better. Maybe he feels that he has done all that he knows to do and you are still upset. He is pushing you to go to be with your family. He doesn't like seeing you upset, so maybe this is why he does not want to go. Besides, someone has to take care of home, right. Go and be with your family. When he feels that he needs to see you then he will come comfort you....He loves you and you love him..
2007-02-11 17:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anastacia 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you should go to where your husband is if at all possible. He may disassociating from you because it hurts to have to leave and come back to a complete stranger. This is why men and women cheat during times of war. When they come back either from boot camp or battle, their spouse is a complete stranger. As people we grow everyday. Both of you are growing and not sharing that with one another. Just think about how much you hate to see him leave again. He probably feels the same about leaving. Think about how much he has changed since the last time you saw him. He proabably feels the same. Go move with him and get to know each other the best way you can, in the sack.
2016-05-23 23:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he doesnt know how to console you when it comes to such a major thing. Maybe he is having issues at work and the last thing he may want to hear once he gets in the door, is what is wrong, what is wrong? Hopefully he comes around and opens up to you, but dont push for him to do so, that will only push him the other way.
2007-02-11 17:31:09 · answer #7 · answered by Laurie L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is saying he don't know whats wrong it sounds like he may be depressed. Maybe because of what ur going through he feels like he can't help you and has no control over the situation to help you and don't know how to act not being able to make it better for you?? sorry about ur grandma!
2007-02-11 17:32:31 · answer #8 · answered by same girl/new name :) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may just be in a state of depression. Be patient and give him some time to work things out on his own if he doesn't want your help. Encourage him (don't nag) to express his feelings and show an interest in your problems. All you can do is tell him how you feel...he has to do the rest.
2007-02-11 17:28:09 · answer #9 · answered by hiclaude 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
has there been any major changes in his life? when my father in law passed away my husband was very distant and hard to be around and he never would talk to me about it. maybe your husband is going through something and it has cause him to be distant. I would suggest maybe therapy. and tell him he isn't fooling anyone you know him well enough to know something is wrong. I am also very sorry to hear about your grandmother prayers are with you
2007-02-11 17:29:11 · answer #10 · answered by insane illusions 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋