the does and donts of married couples getting back together after an affair?

Question

I STILL LOVE MY WIFE SHE HAD AN AFFAIR WHICH ENDED FAIRL;Y QUICKY BUT A LOT OF DAMAGE WAS DONE .WE DO NOT LIVE TOGETHER ANY MORE AND SHARE THE KIDS ONE WEEK ON ONE OFF I TRIED EARLY ON TO STOP US BREAKING UP BUT NOW REALISE THAT I HAD TO LET IT GO AND JUST SIT BACK AND LET THINGS HAPPEN NOW SHE IS IN TO INTERNET DATING I THINK BUT IT SEEMS HER HEART IS SOFTENING A LITTLE FOR ME IM THINKING OF SENDING FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATE AND A BIG TEDDYBEAR TO HER WORK FOR VALENTINES DAY AND INVITING HER OUT ON A SPECIAL DATE ON THE WEEKEND IV FEEL THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE EVEN IF IT DOESNT WORK I MISS HER A LOT AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY WHEN I HAVE TO HAND OVER THE KIDS EVERY WEEK ANYONE BEEN HERE WHAT DID YOU DO THAT WORKED AND DIDNT IS IT TO MUCH TO SOON AND WOULD ALL THIS SEEM TO NEEDY IM CONFUSED HELP I KNOW THAT I AM WILLING BTO UNCONDITIONALLY FORGIVE HER BECAUSE I FEEL I DROVE HER TO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE AND ONLY NOW REALISE THE MISTAKES I MADE AND HOW MUCH HARD WORK A GOOD MARRIAGE TA

Answer 1

if u love her show her and she wont look for anything outside of ur relastionship kids play a big role in relasionships , dont ever use them as a gateway to her love ,just love them the best but remind her the role u share 2tegether with them there is nothing better than a bond between a family that can make it work after the bad **** , it is an unbeilveable bond if it is something u can overcome 2gether, i know ive done it , by the way im a women that has been betrayed and betrayed for revenge,18yrs ,still in love

Answer 2

Dealing with an affair is not easy, it is important to realize that forgiveness is a process and usually especially in the case of an affair is not going to happen right away. Save My Marriage Today shows how to improve your marriage as well as how to get past an affair, it is a good program and you can get access right away after purchasing it. The other one that I think is the very best and I know that this will work for you is How To Survive An Affair, it is more expensive than the Save My Marriage Today product though. However it is still much cheaper than a divorce or the emotional pain you are going through.

Answer 3

Been there and done all that.... If you want honest, I can lay it all out for ya..... I think you might be on the right track tho... the first step is to see urself with honest observation.... are you the best you ?? and yes it takes hard work for a marriage to stay a good one and together.... to be honest about it, an affair is not always just caused by the one who has it, it does take to to fail or make it !!!!!! sorry, but it is the truth !!!! If you feel there is a chance to heal and put the marriage back together, the first step is to NOT expect it to be as it was before, that is a bad way to see it and it NEVER happens.... it will be better or not at all.... that simple....... the has to be rules and guidelines to get thru the hard times..... and yes, you have to woe each other again.... start out fresh and new....... get to know each other again and to take out the bad stuff and let it go...... and this all takes time and patience and commitment, and compassion, YES compassion, with out that there is NO hope...... you will have to TALK it all out, from beginning to end and then move on, you will NOT be able to point the finger or blame or do the guilt game on her..... either you want it to work or you dont...... but it will take BOTH of you to make that commitment.... if only 1 makes it , there is NO way it will even begin to work............. God bless

Answer 4

Marriage is work...I personally feel that wen things like this happen, it can make your marriage stronger- if you work through it together. Why wait for a Hallmark holiday such as Valentine's Day? When you have feelings for someone, or love them, every day should be Valnetine's Day. I think that sending cdy, flowers and a bear would be a bit much...instead, why not tell her that you would like to talk to her. Express to her, just as you expressed here, how you feel. Trust was broken, and that is never easy to mend- however, if you can be open and honest from this day forth with yourself and her, and she honest with you... you can build on that. No miracles... a slow process... but wouldn't it be a great one? What a great example you would be setting for your kids too. Maybe you could speak to a counselor or pastor with her. A third party will help you keep the conversation on track, and will be a good unbiaus party to intervene when needed. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

I've been married a long time... LISTEN.... Yes, a marriage CAN survive infidelity. If she loves you and you two can communicate about what brought you to this, you two CAN choose to forgive and move forward. YES, a relationship takes constant attention and care, just as a beautiful garden doesn't stay that way just "because" it's a garden.
Loving someone and having a marital commitment takes self sacrifice on both sides. It takes thinking and doing for the other person, even on those days where you're just dragging yourself around. It means carrying your partner when they're not doing so well carrying themselves and their weight in the relationship at the moment. (*don't mistake this for being taken advantage of constantly or abused)

If she doesn't want to get it together than continue to father your child(ren) honorably. They'll always need to feel proud of you and you of yourself. AND...take what you've learned from this relationship to make your next even better.

Peace and Happiness to you...and your family....

Answer 6

Children is the keyword in this. Are your children important enough for you to embarrass your self and tell her how much you still love her???
I think the answer her is yes. Could you imagine how happy it would make your kids, if they could see mom and dad get back together?
It is time to start from scratch, as if you never met before. Remember what it was like to fight for your love, to fend off other suiters, and win the maiden. That is what she truly wants. You need to drop all that you have and be romantic. it is too late for flowers and candy to help you.
But you have the ultimate advantage to any other man. The kids. Have the trade off point...say, the park. have her bring the kids there, or meet you there. Have a lavish picknick for the entire family ready, with food for her as well. And simply ask her to join you. Then you can prove how much better a family is when the parents are together.
NO ARGUEING. EVER!!!
Not even if she brings another man, shake his hand, be a gentleman, but let him know you are still fighting for her. Right in front of her!!! make sure she knows you want her love.
DONT STALK HER!!!

sorry I am out of time.

Answer 7

Show your wife that you have forgiven her about the affair and would like to give the marriage another chance.....at least for the kid's sake. An affair can cause a lot of heartbreak for both parties, including the children but if both partners are willing to save the marriage, then change and communicate more openly to each other. Tell her how you feel about the whole affair and how you want her back desperately. Good luck.

Answer 8

you know what ? Right now you are hurting and missing her. You fail to realize, It's not your fault that she had no respect for you, the kids, the family, the vows, or the marriage. You can't drive anyone to cheat.If cheating is in their nature, then she will cheat again and again. You said she's dating on line, that means she has moved on without you. You might need to go to some type of therapy, because you are alittle confused and lonely. Why don't you talk to her and see where her head is... and if she say no to this reunion with you then move on, don't stock her, don't sit home and cry, work on you and your faults so you can be prepared to treat the next lady that God send into your life with love, honor and respect. Get over it, she has.

Answer 9

First you say you couldn't forgive her now you say you can. With that in mind I would say send her the stuff on Valentines Day, it can't do any harm as you say. If the problems have been worked out it just might turn out ok. Congrats on sharing the kids 50/50. I bet you see them a lot more than when you were married.

Answer 10

If you want her back, nothing will make her want you more than if you show her you can move on with out her. She will be expecting chocolates and flowers from you on valentines day, which is precisely why you don't give her that. She will care for you a lot more if you show her you could care less. I know it is a contradiction,, but its true, and believe me it works. Nothing drives a woman more crazy than when a man who they think loves them suddenly does not, or at least shows them they don't.