My sister is married to a nice Indian guy. He turned out to have Hepatitis C. She insisted he get treatment before they had kids. But the guy had no savings and she had to apply to chartiy institutions to get his treatment, which he's getting now. However this expensive treatment might have to be repeated a few times in his lifetime and she is interested in saving money for it, in case they need it the next time. She works too and manages their finances. But this guy insists that he wants to send a large amount of his montly income to his parents' back in India. His parents live with their 5 sons and their wives and children in a big house and all the sons work and contribute to the household. Her husband's brothers didn't help him financially when he was in need. My sister insists that she doesn't live in that setup and doesn't intend to...so why should her husband send money to his parents (who really don't need it). She argues with him but he keeps insisting, what should she do?
2007-02-11 17:05:43 · 10 answers · asked by DrSH 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do what u think is best
2007-02-11 17:08:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your sister's husband is Indian, it is perceived as his duty (culturally speaking) to help support his parents. However, 'help' is the word, and not 'do it all'. Your sister should not stand in the way of him helping to support his parents; it will just drive a wedge between him and his family, and family is one of the most important things in any Indian person's life. Your sister would be better off diverting a hefty chunk of her personal income into some sort of a brokerage account, where the money can be invested and grow income, yet the investment can be sold at any time when they need the money. Also, her husband should discuss with his brothers and determine exactly what the parents' needs are--everyone should contribute equally if they are financially all able to do so. Have him ensure the parents have a will; this is important given the laws in India today.
2007-02-11 19:07:44 · answer #2 · answered by J N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her. Don't you or your hubby respond to anymore e-mail or attempts on her part to communicate with her. You have to be the bigger adult here. She may be the bigger sister, but she's not the bigger person. YOU have to be that person! My husband has an older brother that is much the same. My husband tried to get his older brother a job. He screwed him over royally on that one! My husband AGAIN got him a second job... same result. So, "once bitten, twice shy"? Nope. My husband was twice bitten, now he's done. He hasn't talked to him in years. He doesn't miss him whatsoever. Just because you're related, doesn't mean you're obligated. You can't pick your siblings, just like you can't pick your parents. People will tell you that blood is thicker than water, but when someone does something to compromise your trust in them, it doesn't matter if they're your relative or the Pope!!! You do what's best for you and YOUR family. As for anyone believing that e-mail came from you or your husband first... just know that everytime your head hits the bed each night, you go to sleep with a clear conscience. You've done nothing wrong! SHE will have to be the one to reap the Karma.
2016-05-23 23:54:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she married him she married his culture. How about she allow him to send money from his paycheck to his parents and he contribute an equal amount to the Hepatiitis C fund. This really is a cultural thing. Did they ask for help from his family? I am sure if they had the family would have contribute.
2007-02-11 17:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. My cousin was married to an Indian man several years ago and he did the same thing, sending money back home.
2007-02-11 17:10:32 · answer #5 · answered by tgfann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the money thing being sent home is some sort of religious thing or to keep the family pride.
Your wife must stick to her guns. IF this guy wants to send money home, then he best get out work, pay his share of the bills and monthly bills, then he can send them his allowance. :-)
2007-02-11 17:10:58 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is more concerned with keeping his parents financially secure over his own wife. That sounds like a topic that should of been talked about before getting married. Hopefully he will listen to her concerns and see where she is coming from. Good luck.
2007-02-11 17:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by Laurie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok tell him he can send the money to his parents and then he dosent get the treatments .hep c can kill does he know that have they done reasearch on this they need to he dont owe his parents anything he has his own family to take care of now
2007-02-11 17:12:16 · answer #8 · answered by mountainchowpurple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not fair to your sister,and i think there is not much you can do.It's betwen your sister and him.You can only tell your sister that she can talk to him and tell him if he sends money to his parents,they are not going to have enough money for his health issues.She shouldn't give her money and they should split the household expences.If he has extra money,then he can send it to his parents knowing there is nothing left for his healt issues.
2007-02-11 17:25:50 · answer #9 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just gotta stay out of it...
2007-02-11 18:03:28 · answer #10 · answered by j_mang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋