What makes a man want to get married? Or how would you know he wants to marry you?

Question

My boyfriend and I have grown up around each other and we have been together for almost 2 years now. We really love each other and in the beginning he would talk about getting married like just going to the courthouse or whatever but I think he was just so consumed with his emotions. He still does talk about it just not as much like when he talks about the future he will mention us being married. I am now 8 months pregnant and I was wondering why he wouldn't want to marry me before the baby comes just to "do things right". I know he's the one for me and he has said the same. We both were raised in church and believe you should be married first then comes the rest... I don't want to mention marriage a whole lot because I know men don't like that, but since we are having a child together and love each other why not? So men or women I need your advice what would you do and men I really need your input. How do I know if he really does plan on marrying me, should I ask?? I need advice!!!

And just to get this straight we have talked about it b4. Maybe I just didn't clarify I want to know more of how men feel in these types of situations. Like what feelings or emotions you go through and women who have been in a similiar situation how u dealt with it. I don't need anyone preaching to me!!

Answer 1

Girl you deserve better than this and you KNOW that. How are you letting your man get away with this? If you need something from this relationship its a VALID thing, dont beat yourself up about asking something thats perfectly normal and within your rights.
I think you are hesitating because the power person in this relationship is your bf, right now. You are the one wh is pregnant and he SHOULD be the one who can be expected to do the right thing, without someone nudging him to do it.
You've been together two years, known each other much longer than that, and believe in the Church by which you grew up. You're having a baby, HIS baby and you should not be wondering if he wants to marry you. If he's a good man, a man with the right values and correct priorities in his life, he would have asked you already.
Since he hasnt, he is taking it easy and getting lazy now that he realises you are not going to push him into it either.

This isnt right. If I were you, I'd be worried abotu what kind of mate he is, and what kind of father he would be tomorrow.

Since you love him and even more importantly to secure the future of your unborn child, take charge of this relationship in your hands (since he is not the one doing it) and fix it! You'll thank yourself later on for having taken the initiative instead of waiting for him to wake up (which may never happen).
He may agree, he may not. But its better for you to get this resolved, either way sweetie. You have the rest of your life and the life of your kid ahead of you, start it right!
Good luck.

Answer 2

Getting married does not mean today what it meant 30 years ago. There use to be values that we lived by. Now people see somebody they want to be with and babe its on! Ask yourself, 1. Am I going to love this baby any less if we don't get married? 2. Will it last forever if we get married in a rush? 3. Does this marriage mean a great deal to me? 4. Am I just worried about the way our families will look at my baby? 5. Isn't he still the daddy even if he doesn't put a ring on your finger? 6. Would getting married make you both happy?
Taking a man to the alter is like taking that horse to water. They will when they want to. Ask him about it and let him know how you really feel. It will go one of two ways. If it means a great deal to you and he doesn't do anything, chances are it wouldn't have lasted anyway and you might consider kicking him to the curb.
Sorry, but if you had of wanted to do the "Right thing", you would have waited until after the ceremony to try and make a baby.

Answer 3

You sound like you are scare and he seems to talk about marriage with you to reassure you but it's another thing when he actually makes the commitment.

I think that you have to ask him if he loves you and if he is ready for that commitment. Have you thought that he may even be scared himself?

The last thing you want to do is have a shot gun wedding with him feeling pressure of marriage especially if that pressure or bad feelings could be brought into the marriage.

I can't really say for sure because only you would know the full scope of your situation.

Sit down and talk it over with him and if you have to get your relationship assessed with a marriage counsellor before you take that big step because the last think you want to do is get married and then down the road get a divorce because he was the wrong person for you.

I have witnessed friends who have had kids out of wedlock and have married a few times and friends who have married before they had kids so I have seen both sides of the fence. I have also seen girls who have been single mothers as well or have become single mothers because their husband had become abusive.

I would deal with how you both feel about getting married and how your relationship is before you jump into marriage. Two people can marry a person and be in a loveless unhappy marriage as well.

Not trying to scare you either because this is reality for some people out there in the real world. Hopefully you realize that marriage isn't easy and it's commitment for life.

Make sure you both are sure and you know each well enough before you make that big commitment.

Answer 4

Well, it's interesting that you mention you want to get married before the baby comes just to "do things right." If you think that marriage is what comes before children...you're a little late. You were both raised in the church and apparently...you didn't do things right.

So many people get into this situation. They think they'll get married, so they "play at marriage" by moving in together, having children...and never get married.

You are pregnant with his child...you are a committed couple now. Insist that you get married. Tell him you are uncomfortable with this situation and want the baby born to into a committed family situation. This isn't a time for you to be worrying about if he wants to marry you or if you're pushing him. You're having a child with him. That is the biggest committment you two can make...and this kid deserves a good start in life...and that means a mom and dad who are committed to eachother and to him or her.

Answer 5

Hey there! i dont really know exactly what you're going through, but i know quite alot about men and their thoughts...yeah, its been THAT rough a ride! But umm, first off, even though if everything between you two have been obviously near perfect and smoothly, you should never assume what goes on in a man's head. Things can easily turn around when they seem to be going in one direction. The easiest way to the truth is to face him yourself and find out before it causes any damage. A man wants to marry a woman out of love, and out of enjoying the time he's had with her rather than how long. I really hope you two DO get married...but take my advice and talk to him about it. You can never predict the actions of men becaue they're really good at hiding their emotions...its in their nature...but you, you're the only key that can get the truth out of him. A good talk is what you both need right now. I hope i've helped somehow. Good luck and congratulations on the little one! take care!

Answer 6

Girlfriend if he was talking about for such a long time, it should have been the matter of course when he found out you were pregnant. Look at what you want and don't worry about what men like women to be. Speak up and make you feelings count. If he cares enough, he will listen and you two should be able to figure out something to make both of you happy. I have lived with my husband 16 1/2 years and been married for 12 1/2 and I can tell you that he waited 5 years before I would live with him and is not always happy with my comments and opinions, but he always knows where he stands with me and I with him. I can always speak my mind and he his. We were friends first and always. His happiness and contentment is mine, and mine his. It isn't perfect but understand that friendship is the basis for all relationships. Communication is the key and your faith and trust in God should guide you in the right direction.

Congratulations on your baby and much happiness in the future.

Answer 7

Do not panick, right now u need to concentrate on bringing your bay into the world.
If you truly love each other as you say you definately will get married, sometimes it takes a longer time and other times it happens when you really want it to.
I have been a witness to so many marriages after people have lived together and even had children, its the time duration that varies.
However to put your mind at peace, in a loving way bring the subject up and you will get a response.
Good luck esp at being a mother.

Answer 8

You would assume that if he was adamant about marriage he would have proposed the moment you discovered you were pregnant, if not before. I think at 8 months pregnant it's a little late to be obsessing about being married before your baby is born. If you are committed to each other, then just enjoy this last month together before bub arrives and then once you have settled your baby into a routine you will be able to concentrate on something else like thinking about marriage. If being married is extremely important to you then yes you need to ask. If he got you pregnant, then he has to accept that you will naturally ask about whether marriage is on his agenda. If not, then you have to be prepared for that answer also. Good luck!

Answer 9

Did both of you intentionally tried to get a baby or was he the unwilling party?

If the first part of my question is yes, then the best part is he should eventaully ask you for marriage if he really believes it. If the second part of my question holds true, then he might be really reluctant to pop the question with good reason due to a breech of trust.

The reasons guys don't like marriage mentioned is it sounds like nagging and it pushes them further away. They are also concerned of the big possiblity of a divorce further down the road and this is why alot of guys are reluctant to marry.

There could be a big possiblity he said alot of things to you just because it was what you wanted to hear so he could use you.

Answer 10

I think you should dbe married 100% First off all your having a baby and your gonan need a partenr with you. Second you love him and he loves you! Third 2 years is a while

If you do plan to get married dont rush it! Send invites a few months early! Let the baby come out first ;)
Gratz on a great Bf btw