Am I a bad person?

Question

My husband and I have been ttc for 9 years with two miscarriages. My family keeps telling me to find someone who looks like my husband, has his blood type and get pregnant by him. They have told me this for the last 4 years. I am now so depressed and desperate to be a mom that I am considering it. What should I do? Please any help would be appreciated.

Answer 1

You aren't a bad person, but you REALLY shouldn't do that. It isn't fair to him, unless he is aware of it, and even then you should not have intimate relationships with the other man. That is cheating. It may be tempting, because you must be going through a really hard time, but try considering adoption. Also, even though I personally don't support this, there is the option of sperm donors, or in vitro. Do not betray your husband, it just isn't right. Maybe get together with a therapist and have him/her help you decide on your options, and to deal with the stress of infertility.

Remember, you are not a bad person for having temptations. Everyone has thoughts of doing something that is not right sometimes.

Answer 2

First off, you are not a bad person. I know how hard it is to try and try and try to concieve with no luck but lets try to keep things in perspective here. I am assuming that you love your husband and the reason that you are trying to concieve is because you want to make a baby that is partly you and parlty him right? Take some time to think about the guilt you might feel knowing that the baby you have will not be about that love the two of you have for each other... it would be a product of a lie. I know you are willing to do whatever it takes to have a baby but if you want your family to be strong don't add guilt to the feelings of stress about not being able to have a baby. It is also easy for people to say go to a sperm bank ot have IVF but really.. those things cost lots of money... I would start researching adoption on the internet. Often times you can find private agencies that can help you adopt a child and you would only have to pay the cort costs which can be minimal. I really hope you take the time to think this through.. it could change your entire life.

Answer 3

If either of you haven't been for infertility test that would be the first thing to iron out. Just to be sure it is him that can't produce. Once that is ruled out maybe talk to him about in vitro, he could pick a man of his choice to be a sperm donor maybe a best friend or just a buddy. If he knows how important it is to you he will have an open mind to towards it. If he is not comfortable with knowing the donor both of you could go together to a donor clinic and choose a stranger that has been screened and tested. You two can choose together even the looks to be a close match, or if none of that works and he does not except any of it maybe it is time to find someone else. Last resort...... VERY GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH

Answer 4

Oh gosh, you are not a bad person at all!! However, I don't really think this is a good idea, you would be more depressed than ever when your husband found out!! Have you been to your ob/gyn to find out why you can't stay pregnant?
Have you considered all your other options? In vitro? Adoption??
I really think those would be a better choice for you!
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Since you've miscarried (I'm sorry for your loss... my cousin and his wife went through that and it was heart-breaking for them), have you looked into surrogates? Your egg, your husband's sperm, her uterus... but that doesn't make you any less of a mother. If you want to have the pregnancy experience, perhaps you should try IVF. Some health insurance companies will pay part of the cost, though if you do this, you should only try for one or two embryos at a time. (More than that can cause an increased risk for birth defects.)

Others may suggest adoption or foster parenting, but the review process is often long and tedious. IVF should help you match strong sperm with a healthy egg. Keep healthy and hope for the best.

Answer 6

Stop considering it and tell your famliy to butt out. Nothing good could come out of that.

Talk to your physician, get help for your depression. Check into why you two are having trouble conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy. See if IUI or IVF could help, or if you need progesterone supplements, etc. Look into adoption and/or foster care. There are more ways to be a parent than the old fashioned way.

Answer 7

Don't listen to your family because that is cheating. You need to relax and let God help. Pray and expect the outcome that He decides for you. You would never forgive yourself if you did what they said. Whoose to say that the affair wouldn't provide a miscarriage too. Then you would have an affair and a miscarriage both at the same time. That's a lot to deal with. Don't do it.

Answer 8

No you are definitely not a bad person. However, I definitely would not go off and cheat on your husband just to have a kid because technically it would not be his kid and as soon as he found that out you guys would both be hurt. And you don't want the kid to think that's his kid, and it not be. So, I would recommend going to the sperm bank, getting a surrogate mother.. or even adopting. But not cheating on your husband behind his back to get pregnant.

Answer 9

Have you been to fetility counselling? You may need to determine if your husband's sperm is the issue, or if it's your eggs. If it's your eggs, you would feel HORRIBLE for cheating on your husband pointlessly. Doctors can diagnose exactly what is wrong and ways to get around it, whether it is fertility drugs, atrificial insemination, or in vitro. If it IS your husband's sperm, a SAFE alternative that would not involve adultery would be to use a sperm donor. If that grosses you out...well, it's a hell of a lot better than getting your child by cheating. DO NOT cheat on your husband. You will feel guilty for life, and just think of the strain on the child if he ever finds out and it wrecks your marriage. Or if you cheat on him and his seed isn't the problem, yours is. Seek fertility counselling and get your options, then go from there.

Answer 10

Honey, just do whatever you think is best. Personally, if it was me, I wouldnt do it but this decision it totally up to you. You can always try a sperm donor, or you could try (this is something like an operation, but not really an operation) having his sperm taken from him, and have it directly implanted into your ovaries. It's a procedure that I have heard about before. Good luck to you and best wishes...