Husband doesn't care if I withhold sex, how do I get him to listen?

Question

My husband is extremely sweet, however, from the day we met he hasn't had a big libido and I understand that. If I have an issue and want to talk about it, it does me no good by withholding sex because he doesn't care about stuff like that! I get so angry that I try not talking to him for a few days, but unfortunately there comes a time when you have to speak and he thinks all is forgotten until the next time we have exactly the same argument. He doesn't have anything that I can use as a temptation to speak to me about my concerns. Why do men like to let things get so out of hand by not listening to their wife and her concerns and then wonder why they wake up years later and she wants a divorce? Seriously, wouldn't it be easier to talk about things NOW rather than let them fester. I'm really puzzled and don't know how I can effectively communicate with him.

He cares about me more than any man ever has, it's just his communication skills are lacking AND he doesn't worry about the same things I do. I've tried the approach, "but it's important to me" and he still thinks I'm whining because he feels the issues are petty.

Answer 1

First of all, withholding anything in your relationship to make a point damages your relationship. Even if it doesn't bother him much, every time you do this you are driving a wedge between the two of you. Stop doing it! Killing the connection between you is not going to make him communicate more!!!

Second, many many men are not very interested in talking about feelings. Its just NOT something men do with each other. When women talk, a big part is expressing how they feel and reflecting back to each other an understanding of that, and validation of the other's feelings. Most men simply do NOT do this, unless they teach themselves too. When men talk to each other, they filter out any emotional content, and simply capture information and problems. Then they propose solutions.

So, when you complain about your husband's communication, are you complaining that he doesn't listen to problems, or that he doesn't listen about your feelings? If its the former, try to remain calm, present just facts, needs and ask him for suggested solutions to the issue, and be clear that you expect him to follow through on what he says. If its the latter ... you can try to change him, but my suggestion would be to go talk to some other woman. Frankly, I don't even know if its good for your marriage for your husband to get all caught up in your emotions. I'm actually trying to disengage myself from my wife's emotions, and we're both happier for it.

Answer 2

" Do what you say, Say what you do, one thing leads to another"!!! He has a problem communicating........try to think of him as a mime, now read the above sentence. You see, he's been acting out the words for 2 yrs, it's you, who refuse to see. All the wanting in the world, will not make this work ! And you do have someone to turn too, the most important person in the world, a person who holds the deams, the intelligence, the intuition, will, power, strength, independence and the answers !! Don't turn your back or put her down, help her, support her, go back to college and chase your dreams. The old one has ended, if it was ever meant to be. Start designing a new one, a better one, something another will find worth giving his life to and for, who's actions and words can not be seperated, but both of which can alway be counted on.

Answer 3

I think I have figured it out. There are three possibilities. First is that your husband doesn't actually like you very much. Maybe you are not very attractive. Who knows? Second he has found another woman who he is having an affair with and naturally does not care about your worries. Finally he could in fact be gay. Many men marry not realizing they are gay until later. Does he enjoy butt sex? If so this is a glaring sign. If you a, can't take it, or b are hopeless or confused do the following.
1. get a knife preferably sharb
2. cut your wrists DON'T FORGET DOWN THE RIVER NOT ACROSS THE STREAM!!! (a gun is also a useful tool however it is not available to everyone)
Your welcome,
birdman234

Answer 4

"Why do men like to let things get so out of hand by not listening to their wife and her concerns and then wonder why they wake up years later and she wants a divorce?" Why are you blaming ALL men for the choice of man that YOU made? If you want to know WHY your husband does something then you HAVE to ask him...don't just ASSume all men do things simply because your husband does them. YOU chose to marry this man...if you couldn't communicate with hm and it bothered you WHY did YOU marry him?

Answer 5

If you truly want to be an effective communicator with your husband, you need to change your approach. Withholding sex and not talking to him are NOT mature approaches to communication.

The two of you need to learn how to sit down, have a discussion and come to a conclusion.

You might want to consider marriage counseling to help with this.

Answer 6

use words like, c u m on you Big Hunk.

Use words that are encouraging to him.

Dont make a conversation about it. Men dont' like to talk much.
nothing personal, its just useless sometimes to us. we are doers not talkers.

Tell him just before sex, i want you Big guy. I can really use your manly sexual pleasure right now. Let him know he's a man.

Wear less cloths around him. A little tease before sex really turns us on. Tease with a little bit of leg.

Do things. No talk. We bang.

Answer 7

just give it up .sounds like you cant win and he doesnt care its just he is there but not there and although you want to control it doesnt work..if a woman withheld sex from me intentionally for anger .. she wouldnt have the chance to do it twice .. there are too many beautful women throwing themselves guys all the time especially married ones that way they have an excuse for not committing because he is married.. he is like a forbidden fruit. i would just roll with it or just let go sounds like the only choices you really have..

Answer 8

Ask Doctor Phil

Answer 9

I would consider on getting these two books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

That's all I can say.

Answer 10

Why would he listen to you. He's the man and knows what's best. Since I am sure he is the bread winner, when he comes home, grant him a kiss on the cheek, tell him to sit in his favorite chair, go cook him the best damn dinner, then rub his feet after he's done with his meal. The problem is you think your the boss, but your really just a walking vagina and he doesn't care about that so, smile, grin and bear, and shut up.