What should I do?My fiancee and I want to have a child while we are still young.I am 17 going to be 18 in...?

Question

October.He is 20 going to be 21 on the 25th of this month.Our parents both approve of us being together and being engaged.They both agreed that if I were to get pregnant they would be there for us.Im still in high school,doing very well.We don't want to have a baby just because,there is a very good reason.His mother is in the 2nd or 3rd stage of glycoma,and shes going blind,and it's kind of picking up fast.Not going so good.She said all she wanted before she went blind is to see at least her 1st grandchild.I madea promise to her that she would see her 1st no matter what.Before she goes blind.Now,what should I do?I am not on anything that would stop me from having a child right now.Seriously what should I do?I really need to know.I dont break promises and if I have to break a promise like this,it would break my heart.Serious answers only please.I don't know what to do? Im going to break down and cry cuz Im so lost. Please help

Answer 1

Unmarried babies having babies is a terrible idea. Wait until you have an education, are married, and can afford to raise a child. You have no idea of what you are in for.

Answer 2

That's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard. You shoud not have made that promise to begin with, and any mother that cared about her kid at all would not ask for such a promise. What you need to do is sit down with her and explain to her that you won't be able to keep that promise. Explain to her that you are too young, and that you and her son aren't even married yet. With you still in high school and (for the sound of things) neither of you being finished with college, it just wouldn't be fair to a baby to have one right now.

If she can't understand that, then she has the problem, not you. You need to be the mature, responsible one, because everyone else around you seems to have abdicated that role. I commend you for being mature enough to realise that neither of you are ready to have a child yet, and this is something that you shouldn't be pressured into.

I would urge you to go to planned parenthood or your doctor today and get one of the many methods of birth control, and get using it right away.

Answer 3

If you're young enough to need your parents approval, and their support for the baby, you're too young to have a baby. Wait until you can afford to support the baby on your own.

My husband and I got engaged when I was 17, and married when I was 19. We'll be married almost 3 years before our baby is born. I know what it's like to be 17 and in love with someone, but my husband and I are the exception to the rule. MOST people who get married that young get a divorce fairly soon, and having a baby only adds to the stress. It's not easy, it's not always fun. Being married is hard, and having a baby is even harder.

It's very sweet of you to want his mother to be able to see the baby, but I think she'd rather you be able to properly care for a child. You're still a kid yourself, whether you want to believe it or not. Bottom line, if you have to ask strangers if it's a good idea to have a baby, you're not ready.

Answer 4

Im 18 years old and pregnant. I never meant to get pregnant. Im very independant and I live alone I am so ready to have a child but its so much work. The father of my child is 19. He left me when I told him I was pregnant, Im not saying your fiancee is going to leave you but things change, people change, things dont last forever ive learned this. I was in a 3 year relationship and thought it would last forever, it didnt. Think about stuff like this, even if you dont want to. I used to ask people on here all the time if I should have a baby and honestly no matter what response I got, I never liked any of them. First off, being engaged at 17 is a huge step in life and having a baby is even a bigger step. You have your entire life ahead of you. Do you want to be at home every night with a child, your not even out of high school yet, do you even know whats it like to go out? im being serious. going to clubs and partying with friends, your giving that up when you havnt even experienced it. I have so much more I could say, I know that having a baby is something the entire family wants but its your life not theres, there not the one that has to raise it. If you ever want to talk, email me and we can talk on messenger or something. im here for any advice, because ive been through so much, and have learned from all of it. I dont mind sharing what I know with you.

Answer 5

Having a baby at such a young age can be tough especially when your still in school. This is really a decision to be made by you and your fiance. Make sure to think about everything and make sure that you want it that is what matters most. A baby changes everything and if your not ready then please dont do it. I'm a single mother of 2 little boys and i'm only 22! I know you would have help but it still is a big life altering event. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

Answer 6

You really got yourself into a predicament. You can't guarantee pregnancy for one. Sometimes that takes years. For two, I know you two love each other and your family supports you but, you need to have a child when you are ready for it, not because a family member is going blind. That is unfair to put that heavy of a weight on your shoulders.

You seem pretty level headed by your question. You don't come off as some bubble head who is not centered. I think you'll make the right decision for yourself. Either way, it sounds as though you'll be just fine with or without child.

Good luck to you and yours.

Answer 7

You are too young to have a baby. No one is ever really prepared for a child, at any age. But you are too young. Too, too young. You haven't experienced life yet!! Please wait. Do you plan to go to college? It is so much harder with a child. Can you afford a baby? Diapers, wet wipes, clothes, car seat, stroller, food, doctor visits, etc. The list of baby needs goes on forever. I know you made a promise, and a noble one, but I'm sure your boyfriend's mother will understand if you can't fulfill it. I'm sorry if I sound rude. You're not even married to this man yet. You're still young, you might change your mind. A baby is a lifetime commitment, not a promise. I know you want his mother to have her wish, but this your life, and you are way too young. To me, you just don't sound ready. I think you know you're not ready. You need to talk to his mom and explain to her that you are not ready for a baby, that you are too young and need to experience life before you bring another life into this world. I'm sure she'll understand and well if doesn't then she is just selfish. Just my two cents.

Answer 8

Although it sounds sweet these are very misguided reasons to get pregnant. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can't make decisions this big based on other peoples emotional needs. Its very difficult to be a young adult as it is do you really feel ready to be a wife and mother? I know his mother is going through a difficult time and is feeling very emotional right now and you should be there for her but drastically changing the course of your life at your age could damage your life and this is not going to help her that much in relation to your needs and development. I think she should see a grief counselor to help her in this transition as well as the rest of the family. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 9

You are lost and so is your mother, your father and especially your not-really-mother-in-law.
Encouraging a child (without education, without marriage, without any sort of life experience to prepare her for motherhood) to have a child because she wants to see her grandchild is wrong. I'm sorry, that's the way I feel. I understand that her illness must be near impossible for her to handle, but it is not your job to make an irrevocable change to your life to ease that. Think about the yet-to-be child. Yes your parents may be there for you, but to have a mother who is ill-equipped to take care of you is no way to grow up. The child would have a much better life if you waited. And please, if you insist on having sex with your fiance, protect yourself. I know everything seems like it will always be the way it is now, but it won't be. Things change so quickly, especially at your age. You are not yet growing up yet.

Answer 10

So sorry to hear that about you ma in law. But you have got to think of yourself... what do you what from your life. Having a child will not just change your dreams but most probably change your fiancee's. And what about your babies life can you give it everything it needs plus looking after number one- YOU! Please dont just do this because someone has said they would like to see their grand child. To be honest your ma in law is being a little selfish in asking this at least she will be able to hold the baby and hear it. Do what you think is best for you and your future. having a baby is huge life change for anyone and is one of the most difficult and demanding things you will ever have to do! Finish school first.

Answer 11

I can see where your coming from but its not fair to the child to willingly bring it into the world without being married or stable.. your parents really approve of you having a child at 17? wait until your married if she's really meant to see the baby she will. how would you feel if she went blind before he/she was even here and you did all that? be careful and make wise decisions! think of the child!