He's a great guy. Very nice, very mature and patient and kind. However, he is overweight and (my personal pet peeve) has crooked teeth. Admittedly, both of these things are reversible. Is it possible to be happy with someone if you like them best when your eyes are closed? (And vertical)
2007-02-11 15:06:22 · 30 answers · asked by NolaD 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was just asking because I am at a point in my life when I am ready to get married. We've only just started seeing each other. No big emotional investment on either part yet. I was just thinking "out loud". Thanks for the input.
2007-02-12 09:10:56 · update #1
Nola, physical attraction, like everything else, is only as important as you make it. By asking the question you seem to putting physical attraction pretty high up there on the rating scale. If it's important enough, to you, to ask here, then I would say it's very important to you. Yes these things can be changed but how many years has he had to make the changes...and what has he done so far? Why should he change...to suit you? If he would change to suit you, there's something wrong. He needs to change to suit himself. Obviously he hasn't seen fit to change...so far. So what you see is what you're going to get. You have to make the decision on this one.
2007-02-11 15:26:25 · answer #1 · answered by judgebill 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No. If you're not attracted someone and they repulse you as you're putting it, it seems that they are not the one for you. Physical attraction SHOULDN'T be the ONLY reason you're with someone, but it is a big part of being with that person. He can lose weight, but if he's not into exercising he won't want to. Yes his teeth can be fixed, but you shouldn't have to change the person you're with. If they don't change themselves, it's obvious that they think it's okay. So you may tell them that and they're feelings will be hurt. If you're married to him, you have to love him the way he is, just tell him calmly and as nice as you possibly can that you think that YOU and HE need to start working out together. That way he won't find it offensive. With the teeth, people in their 30s should not have braces so you'll just have to live with that babe. Why would you marry someone you weren't physically attracted to anyway? If his looks were growing on you that's one thing, but if they're not or haven't before you MARRIED that person that is a problem. If you're not married than do he and yourself a favor and find someone who takes care of themself the way you do. Good luck sweetie!
2007-02-11 23:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by April 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Physical attraction is immensely important. Do him and yourself a favor and DO NOT marry him. You will be absolutely miserable. You like him better vertical? Does that mean no sex?
Physical attraction only matters in the beginning. It is not everything. The relationship has to be based on more. Over time he may become less attractive but you should not fall out of love with him because of that alone. His personality and whatever else attracts you to him should help you stay happy, but if you won't even have sex with him, let him go.
2007-02-11 23:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by lostinne 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Heck no! You can't mislead him and talk marriage if you think you have to be lying down and blindfolded!! Sounds like you don't really love him, which is what you need to marry. I wasn't sexually attracted to my husband, he has a belly and is 15 years older than I am, but we met, dated and I fell in love with him. When in love you look past those shortcomings. I wouldn't trade him for any hunk anywhere. He treats me like a princess and we get along great. Depending on your age, if young, looks mean more and if older, women tend to settle sometimes for love, companionship, someone to take care of them, etc. You can't marry someone and expect them to lose weight, most men gain after marriage just to let you know. His teeth he can fix, but only if he choosed to. Why did you start dating him? You will have to look at him day and night if you get married. Don't do it, you don't sound in love and love is what it is all about. I know this now, at 48 I finally know what true love is and everyone should hold out for it, it is undescribable. Don't hurt him, but don't marry him, you'll be divorced within the first year.
2007-02-11 23:13:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is important somewhat BUT it is important to have a heart of gold too. Sounds like this guy is a great and loving guy. Since his teeth are crooked they can be straightened with braces. You need to love him for him and not just the outward appearance. If you cant get past this and love him for him then you would be better off just letting him go. You are very lucky to have this guy in your life. If it were me i would love him for him and try to help him lose the weight and straighten his teeth.
2007-02-11 23:16:38 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Nola,
All I can say is that Physical Attraction is a FUN part in liking someone, and is important, but NOT based on that alone, because once you get to know the person, the attraction tends to fade and the person is still standing there.
So, all in all, you need to have things in common and other traits are good too, and not physical attraction all by itself.
2007-02-11 23:26:55 · answer #6 · answered by julesrules 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Physical attraction is very important. I think that is how people often fall out of love...they don't find their partner appealing anymore. I think when you've been together longer you notice appearances less and you appreciate the person's other attributes more. When you are younger though you need that visual aspect in the marriage...
2007-02-11 23:33:41 · answer #7 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's probably the real best match for a long term relationship and statistically, likely to be committed and unlikely to cheat because of the competition factor (females competing against you for him)...also, he'll probably be good in bed too as he will appreciate you (if you're attractive), so you can count on great passionate love making! I'd say he'd probably make a good husband otherwise.
2007-02-11 23:11:29 · answer #8 · answered by cpinkfloyd 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You marry someone as is, where is and for better or for worse.
In all cases you marry the BEFORE picture rather than the AFTER picture. If they shape up and take care of themselves later, that's a bonus, not a requirement.
If you must close your eyes to marry a person, don't do it. If you think they will change for you, that's a huge illusion.
2007-02-11 23:17:55 · answer #9 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have read some of the answers and i have to say they are all true.. some are shallow and scary.. becasue these people will wake up one morning and find themselves old.. fat .. and Ugly.. maybe not crooked teeth but false ones... if he makes you happy who cares about teeth..look at his hands .. heart.. lips.. arms.. Do they keep you warm? When they are around you do u feel safe.. loved.. thts what matters...big head.. small feet those things don't
2007-02-11 23:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by red74 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋